Expected to care and provided for my older brother

[Brothernotmyproblem]

So my dad died when I was 10 and my brother 20. Mum found it hard but coped. I didn’t want anything from my brother but over the years he’s only given me £10 a year on my birthday for the last 40 years

i didn’t want anything but for your 18th, 21st, buying my house a bit more would have been nice. He's got a daughter he’s never sent a penny to all her life. He’s contracted abroad in many countries and used to earn a LOT of money

hes lost his jobs, mainly through drinking and wasted a lot of money along the way. He’s recently moved back in with my mum in her housing association house. It’s 3 bedroom and she gets relief due to the granny tax

i doubt she can get him on the tenacy as he wouldn’t get housing benefit, (she’s put him on council tax which she’s paying) I’ve got a feeling I’m being lined up to have him move into my house if something happens to my mother who’s 80. How do I be strong in this?

He had been ill and had several hernia operations so he is signed off sick

Nah hes not your problem. Hes a grown adult and needs to act like one

Well that would give him more points. Being off sick.
But if he is recognised as a tenant then the housing association would have to offer him somewhere that met his housing need. Ie smaller. Cheaper.
Why should you be affected by his expectations.
That's his issue. Not yours.
You need to guard your own interests.

They are welcome to house him themselves, then the issue won't arise.

The birthday money comment was just around we’ve never been close and supportive of each other, not enough to be him living rent free in my house I’ve bought for the rest of his life

thank you all about him being a registered tenant. I think that will really help and I’ll encourage her to do it asap

Please do not worry Mother. If you get him on the tenancy they would not like him enjoying a 3 bed so they will help him downsize.
He will not add value to your life!

A simple no will suffice.

But what if the tenant can’t afford the property on their own?

he would be swiftly moved to a one bed, as they need 3 bed houses

byt not if his name wasn’t on the tenancy, otherwise it’s best for him to be homeless, as he’d be housed quicker. If you took him in it’d slow down the process

@Brothernotmyproblem, can you say that your work has kitted out your spare bedroom into your office, so you can't use it for any other purpose?

He will need to a. Work and b. Get housing, likely to be a bedsit. Housing association may have links to suitably sized units

Your mom needs to declare he is living ther, both to council tax (which you’ve said she has ).and to universal credit, or housing benefit , especially if she’s getting her rent paid by benefits. Also she needs to inform her landlord. This makes it all legal and above board. So when the time comes and something happens to your dear mom , there is proper documented proof of him living there. And although the housing association won’t give him your moms house as it’s too big. He will most likely stand a good chance of getting an alternative 1 bed property with them.

I’m allowed to work in my living room because there is just me in the house. For client confidentiality if someone else there I need a separate room

That would need the cat room with the cat litter

I’ve never known housing associations or council create a joint tenancy between a parent and child (unless it’s very exceptional circumstances) otherwise council houses would always just be passed on to the child and never become available to those on the waiting list
BUT he can legally live there as long as it’s declared to universal credit,(or housing benefits ) and council tax

If they're that bothered, no doubt they will give him a home.

His benefits will almost certainly cover the rent of a room as a lodger. So there is no reason why he won't have a roof over his head. If he wants more, he could always try something novel like getting a job.

It used to be possible for council housing to pass down one generation, so if she’s got an old tenancy agreement perhaps he can stay put.

Hernia operations are recoverable from. He may be ill at the moment but that will not last.

don’t take him in.

depending on how old he is when your mum dies it can be much easier to get over 55’s council housing,

Of course you don't have to have him live with you. Anyone who tries to force you to share your home is abusing you. Emotional abuse is still abuse. If it happens you report it to the police as a crime, you report it to social services as a safeguarding issue. No one has the right to do this. You have the right to your life. When your mum passes he will have to deal with his own shit, like any other grownup.

You have to use your spare bedroom as an office don't you? As for family expectations, let them expect as much as they want. Stand firm and say NO. Your brother, who TBH sounds like a waster, is a grown man who is not your responsibility. Please stand firm or he will end up as a millstone around your neck.

I’d simplify this to brother or any other person who has an opinion. Just say you’re only allowed to work from home because you live on your own, due to client confidentiality. I doubt they’re going to phone your boss and check, and if they do, that gigantic breach of trust gives you an added reason to limit contact.

It's not up to them.

If they are shitty, the fastest way to shut them up will be to say

"Thanks for volunteering to put him up instead. Oh what do you mean you don't want him? I thought you were mad into helping out family, and since it's not workable for me, I already told him you'd definitely help him out. He's going to be so disappointed as he'd got his hopes up."

"Or do you just think I have the word "mug" tattooed on my forehead?"

No point in saying all this. She just has to say ‘No you can’t live in my house.’ End of.

What happens to him after your Mum passes depends on the actual tenancy agreement and HA policy.

I'm in HA and my tenancy includes succession rights which means that when a tenant dies, a close relative can take over the tenancy. My HA has conditions though - this includes (1) the close relative has to have been living with the tenant for a certain period of time before the tenants death, and (2) if the new tenant would be under-occupying the property (ie. has spare bedrooms) they will be offered the tenancy of a more suitable sized property.

In your brothers case, my landlord would likely allow succession of the tenancy, but he wouldn't be able to keep your Mums 3 bedroom house for himself. He'd be offered a one bedroom property. If he refused that one bedroom home, they'd evict him - and then he'd be classed as making himself intentionally homeless so the council would not have a duty to re-house him.

It might be worth looking at your Mums tenancy agreement to see what it says.

Why would he need to live in a three bed house?

The housing association will have small flats which are suitable for single older people. There is not usually the same demand for this type of property as there is for family accommodation. It will be down for the HA to help him if they are going to evict him.