To have a favourite child?

[neverputtingthelaundryaway]

Obviously it is totally, horribly unreasonable but I do. I don’t like myself for it; it I could stop and just honestly and sincerely love them both the same I would. And if I’d known my feelings would be so different I’d have severely questioned the wisdom of having another but … this is where I am. Can’t afford counselling.

Unless you are being cruel to the less liked child, then I don’t think you need counselling. I think many parents will admit that they possibly favour one over another ( that doesn’t mean you don’t love the other child). I know my middle child is my favourite out of all my 3.

What’s the difference between them? Is one easier / you have more things in common?

YABU and you know it. You need to do somthing to fix this or risk damaging your relationship with your dc ( and their relationship with each other ) forever

Even if you think you treat them the same, they'll be able to feel it

I have three dc I love them all to bits and would end my life for all of them. But there’s one I get on with brilliantly she’s a good friend as well as a dd and we have loads in common

Do you actually love one more than the other or is it just that one is less challenging?

I don't believe it is possible to love multiple children all exactly the same amount. My daughter is the most perfect little girl in the whole world and no one could ever hold a candle to her in my mind. That's why I never want another child, they could never live up to her.

I simply don't believe people who say they don't have a favourite and they love and like all of their children equally. Obviously they do love them all, like I love both of my parents and all of my grandparents but I definitely have favourites. It's impossible not to like/love some people more than others.

You don't have multiple children though so you'll never know? Having a favourite grandparent or other distant relative isn't the same as equally loving the children you birthed

I have 2 dc and hand on heart I love them exactly the same

Whether you believe it or not I have two children and I love them equally. I don't have a favourite and I never have done they are both absolutely wonderful people.
I also have three grand and I love them equally too. They are all very different individuals. I don't have a favourite!
Just because you can't imagine it , it doesn't mean that you can't love more than one child equally.

I definitely favour different things about my children. They're really different, and time spent with them tends to reflect that. If you took a good hard look at the situation might that also be the case here?

This is absolute tripe.

Of course you can love multiple children just as much.

This is the whole basis of sophie 's choice!
Both my children are absolutely lovely and are loved equally.

Thanks. I do like spending time with him one on one, which is why I do sort of feel like I should have stopped at one but I didn’t know how challenging it would be and how differently I’d feel. My head is in a very confused place right now. I wish people would believe that it if I could stop, I would. I want to love my child to pieces like everyone does.

I love both my children unconditionally. I don't have a fav, they and my partner are my fav people in the whole world. I couldn't imagine loving one less. Its unimaginable.

How old are your DC? If they are very young and eldest is the favourite could in be PND?

Ahh OP Are you sure you love one more than the other or is one just a lot easier to like? What age are they?

I love my postage exactly the same. There's no favouritism. I love my 3 children all the same too, hand on heart. They are all very different. One is much more challenging, but also more vulnerable. I love him just the same as the others. DH loves one child more, and it's been awful. He grew up in a house with favouritism, which severely damaged him, and he's now repeated it. It's been awful as the less favoured knows even though DH has never said or done anything very obvious or directly compared. It's mostly in the non verbal communication - tone of voice when asking for something, eyes lighting up with pride, more laughter with one than the other, quicker to offer a lift etc.

OP, I think you do need to sort this out, especially if your less loved child is sensitive. They will know.

Postage? = parents

I was and still am sometimes the black sheep in my family. I don’t love my parents any less because I know it is something with me that made me less for them than my siblings and I will hopefully one day find it. Reading this thread with interest, even though I’m an adult now I hopefully I will find a way for them to be happy and proud of me.

I hope it’s just one is easier to … not exactly like but just not as annoying (I know that’s horrible.)

Counselling will make you realise you weren't less for them, they were just horrible people

In my experience families who have favourites and black sheep's, the black sheep tend to be the less compliant and not as easy to pressure type of people.

I have 3 kids, they’re all different people and therefore I have different relationships with all of them.
At the moment they all have very different basic needs as well, as ages range from 3-10, but they also all have very clearly different personalities. They need different ways of operating and guiding in different ways.
I certainly love them all the same and I have a different favourite depending on the day 😄

Op you are not alone i read it a few times on here that parents have a favourite child.

My mum has a favourite it is our brother she did not hide it ether, when she tried to say i love you all the same in front of people, we new it was lies.
We got the blame for everything he did wrong, even if she saw him do it.
Some think kids dont pick up on things they do and fast and they will remember it.
We all cut contact with our mother in the end.

And people are able to change how they feel are they?

Are your kids 3 and 1 or 13 and 11 or 23 and 21!?

It makes a difference.

My second DC was objectively WAY more delightful / beautiful / easy than my oldest but my oldest was my "favorite" until youngest was about 18/20m... until then I really didnt have parity of love for my kids.

Part of it is all the post partum horror and nonsense. Separately, I am not really "into" babies.... so now we are entering full toddler mode I'm entering my happy space as its much more my thing

The children have a favourite parent too 🤷‍♀️

I have five children and can honestly say I love them all equally. Yes, one or two are funnier, yes one or two are kinder, or more academic or sporting.
They are all individual people and for me anyway, the love is not divided, it’s multiplied.