To think a lot of MN are ableist?

[Sweetlifeofyours]

So I wasn’t going to post but as a mum with a disabled child myself I feel like I have to get things off my chest. I have read a couple of threads over the past week or so regarding mothers who are looking for advice and support for their disabled child/children (2 that stick out to me)

I was very sad to see that there were only a few posters who actually gave support and advice to the OP’s. The rest were in my opinion, downright rude and nasty and clearly just wanted to upset the OP’s even more for whatever reason.

As a mum with a SEN child, it is incredibly difficult and I myself don’t always get the correct help and support I need so to come on here and see that other women/parents show their (somewhat) true opinions of disabled children upset me.

I am completely 100% on board that autism shouldn’t be an excuse for everything, but surely some compassion wouldn’t go amiss to a struggling parent.

One of the worst things I read was a poster saying to the OP that they should make sure their child doesn’t turn into a sex offender because he enjoys hugs. Says more to me about the poster rather than the OP and their child.

I guess my AIBU is, do you think people (maybe especially on here) should have more compassion for the disabled community or have you read threads where you agree with the majority of comments (especially where we are talking about young children)?

For the sake for debate lets say that everyone that gets their benefits is truly disabled and needs help. Nobody is taking the mick they are all truly sick.

My questions then are

1. Why is the UK so sick.
2. If the UK is broke financially (and hopefully nobody is going to be daft enough to suggest we are still a wealthy country). So if the UK is broke at what point does it say 'sorry for your disabledness. That's really tough/unlucky/heartbreaking. Unfortunately the UK is broke so we can't give you any help.

How on earth can we reliably diagnose someone who lived four hundred years ago as being autistic? Or is it just "these people were good at science, so probably on the spectrum"?

Who do you think does this? I wish my parents had done this with me instead of growing up undiagnosed, unmedication with awful MH problems as a result.

Exactly - on the independent special school hate thread, I was tempted to post agreeing wholeheartedly that society was spending far too much money on the “so-called” ND kids, who would never amount to anything anyway, and having reflected on posters’ comments about wasted cost, I would be sending DS up a chimney with a brush forthwith, just like in the good old days.

The only reason I didn’t was because I suspect zero sarcasm would have been detected by the average MN’er.

Surely common sense is a factor here too? If a TA is always with the same 1-2 children then there's likely a reason for that.

I don't think it's ableist to ask that question, by the way, they just obviously aren't going to get a straight forward ''well, it's because George and Jessica have autism''.

And on every single about children with severe autism and learning disabilities, you csn guarantee a few posters will suggest just sending the child away to a special home / residential school,i really dont no where ask these homes they think exist are for tiny children.

I don’t think people mean to be unkind but you have to objectively see how there has been a huge (and I mean huge) explosion in autism and ADHD literally in the last 5 years alone. YES I know everyone will now pop up to say ‘it’s just better diagnosis; we were always here…’ and fine, but honestly it seems to be almost all we ever hear about on here, to the extent I’m genuinely surprised to click on a thread about anything and not see a mention of autism or ADHD.

What’s more everyone is relentlessly ‘educated’ on neurodiversity and spoken down to for well meaning or actually fairly sensible comments, or for not agreeing that virtually any symptom is indicative of autism or ADHD.

I think people now have compassion fatigue as a result.

Yep.

Or if they'd happily have their child ripped away from them.

But then when they do find a residential facility, they get called heartless and told they could never send their child away. I know Katie Price is a nightmare in many ways, but that aside, the abuse she has received on here for sending Harvey to a residential setting for everyone’s best interests, has been disgusting.

There was a comment about people not daring to express a view in rl but are keyboard warriors, I am quite open about my view that there should be reasonable adjustment but sometimes the requests and unreasonable yet granted. The case about about the coffee in the workplace was in my view unreasonable as it began to impinge on other peoples work practice with their needs being ignore. As far as access arrangements are connecerned some people are taking advantage of them. Sadly there is a spectrum of need and the more those with less need take advantage which is what has happened the more people become less tolerant. it is important to have an open discussion on this topic with people on both sides being able to express their views.

No there hasn’t been an explosion. Autism and adhd are under diagnosed and under treated in this country.

Medicated with controlled drugs (ie can't buy over the counter) until I am high as a kite most days, I have been doing my job for a long time so I can 'cover' my woozier moments....just about.
I also have nerve blocks done as often as the NHS can fit me in.

People absolutely mean to be unkind.

The answer to one is a long and complex one of environment and genetics.

With modern medicine those with genetic conditions are finding more cures, allowing them to live, procreate and pass on those genetics and the potential flaws that go with them, whereas in previous centuries they may have died young or been sent away/kept out of sight.. there is plenty of evidence of this.

My family are all ASD/ADHD, my son is the first who is bad enough that its profoundly affected him into needing specialist care and education, the rest of us muddle through by finding our niche in life that suits the strengths we do have and lets us work around the deficits of our disabilities.... be it computers, engineering, cooking, art, or childcare,

I'm the most physically disabled, unfortunately nothing could have predicted it, some is from injury/trauma, some is genetic, some is environmental.

When you add in the chemicals and crap, and noise, and light..etc that modern society pushes on us, it is no wonder those with autism struggle.. the world is brighter, louder, and there is more expectation to conform.

Most of those a PP mentioned are outstanding in their fields, they forged their own paths and managed to find what works.

Not everyone has the opportunity or skills to do the same.

I'm pretty sure the reason the budget is so late this year is because the goverment is trying to solve an unsolvable problem. Too much going out, not enough coming in, nothing left to sell.

Are they just going to keep going borrowing more and more each month.

Surely at some point things will have to come to a head.

I mean anyone that has ever got themselves into a mess financially knows you can rob peter to pay paul for so long but eventually it all comes tumbling down and you have to default or have your house repossessed. The UK's wealth seems to be built on housing values which seems very shaky indeed. Our credit rating has been downgraded several times as a country. The budget has never been this late before. I suspect they honestly don't know how to solve it.

I suspect all of our problems are going to be so much bigger soon than arguing about taxis for kids and benefits for autism. Nobody seems to realise that only 80 years ago there was NO benefits at all and NO healthcare at all (unless you paid for it). Does everyone really think we might not be headed back to a pay or do without society.

@ThatChristmasMug

you know it's possible to question why free transport is not accessible to everyone and not only to a selected few, without being ableist.

Is there a problem with your reading comprehension? Multiple posters have explained that school transport is available to all children of the nearest suitable schools is a certain distance (iirc 3 miles for secondaries) away. It just usually is not an issue as there are plenty of mainstream schools around so it doesn't become an issue in the first place. How far is the nearest suitable school for your DC? Both of mine have complex needs including significant learning difficulties and they don't receive both a taxi. One had to enter travel training programme run by the LA and at almost 18 has been undergoing travel training - been ongoing for 5 months for a 5 mile trip to school and still not passed. It doesn't take a huge stretch of the imaginary that things are often a lot more complex if SN are involved.

How far the the nearest suitable school for your DC?

How would you know that? Our understanding and thresholds of both of these conditions has changed massively in the last 20 years. If we decide on the future that actually the threshold should be somewhere completely different then the conditions could indeed be over diagnosed. It's not an objective, immoveable thing. This is an area of emerging science.

Where exactly you move from BAP into ASD isn't fixed for example and is highly subjective. We lowered the threshold for adults ADHD diagnoses in 2014 so this brought a lot more people under this umbrella but the threshold could easily move again.

None of this stuff is binary. There are people either side of the threshold for diagnosis with far more in common with each other than people at the more extreme ends of things.

That's because research concluded that the previous definition of ADHD was wrong. Adults can definitely have it, I do. I'm very grateful that I was able to be diagnosed and treated as an adult. I was missed in childhood and it caused profound harm.

Fortunate works both ways. Why do some parents of disabled children go on about how much money they are saving the State? The benefits you receive are to help you carry out your parental responsibility. You have a right to those benefits because you live in a society with a welfare state. Having a welfare state is a privilege.

They also used to think you couldn't have both autism and adhd at the same time... which tjeu now know is wrong.. they also know more about how both present in girls and women, so they've stopped being excluded or given dumbass differential diagnoses.

NHS ADHD task force is how I know

www.england.nhs.uk/long-read/report-of-the-independent-adhd-taskforce-part-2/

ADHD diagnosis rates: We showed that in England, there is consistent evidence that ADHD is under-recognised, under-diagnosed and under-treated (including with medication).
Stigma: We noted people with lived experience report challenges and injustice around ADHD because of stigma, misinformation and misunderstanding, including among some professionals. There also are concerns about the accuracy of information on ADHD provided by some sectors of social media and traditional media. Children and adults highlighted the impacts of negative attitudes around ADHD on them. We noted additional stigmatisation for those from marginalised communities.

The abelism on SM such as we see on MN has been noted.

Because they are. Look at care statistics, children with disabilities are more likely to be in care, compared with children who don’t have disabilities. Our childrens older birth sibling is disabled, they have been in care since they were six, they require 2:1 care. Before we had a welfare state children with disabilities were even more likely to be in sate care from birth, not only is that more costly but outcomes are also worse.