To think a lot of MN are ableist?

[Sweetlifeofyours]

So I wasn’t going to post but as a mum with a disabled child myself I feel like I have to get things off my chest. I have read a couple of threads over the past week or so regarding mothers who are looking for advice and support for their disabled child/children (2 that stick out to me)

I was very sad to see that there were only a few posters who actually gave support and advice to the OP’s. The rest were in my opinion, downright rude and nasty and clearly just wanted to upset the OP’s even more for whatever reason.

As a mum with a SEN child, it is incredibly difficult and I myself don’t always get the correct help and support I need so to come on here and see that other women/parents show their (somewhat) true opinions of disabled children upset me.

I am completely 100% on board that autism shouldn’t be an excuse for everything, but surely some compassion wouldn’t go amiss to a struggling parent.

One of the worst things I read was a poster saying to the OP that they should make sure their child doesn’t turn into a sex offender because he enjoys hugs. Says more to me about the poster rather than the OP and their child.

I guess my AIBU is, do you think people (maybe especially on here) should have more compassion for the disabled community or have you read threads where you agree with the majority of comments (especially where we are talking about young children)?

Sometimes it is because one child actually has funding in place for 1 -2-1 support and the school have decided to steal share that resource by adding another child they think needs support.

A lack of funding means that disabled and non disabled children are being failed across the country.

Yes I agree that the NHS has not been coping for a long time now and waiting lists are getting longer and people are living longer with more complex issues.

So how do we fix this given the country appears to be broke? I mean actually broke. I mean the only answer is surely to change the NHS. Be that moving to a private healthcare system like America or some other system or a subsidised NHS where you pay to use it but it is subsidised.

I don't know how PIP works so I will just assume what you have said is correct.
However if the UK is now going broke at what point will we say, sorry the purse is empty. We agree you are disabled and can't work but with so many people out of work/refusing to work and no tax coming in we have no money to give you. So what actually happens at this point?

I mean when the goverment is talking about bringing in an 'exit tax' to stop wealthy people leaving the country you know we are in serious shit.

Yes it’s an unsolvable problem.

leave to the state - too expensive.
give up work and look after the DC - you’re malingering and a burden on the state
keep working and use services (eg school transport) and pay tax - but your children are just too expensive and maybe you caused their issues anyway

I honestly don’t understand what people want to happen to these children.

Oh yeah, I absolutely agree.

My son has 2:1 support and the school tried it on when a new boy who must have additional needs started in September. It isn't happening now but it shouldn't have happened in the first place, he has 2:1 support for a reason.

Rubbertreesurgeon

Is there a problem with your reading comprehension?
There you go - you are trying to start a fight, if I bite and we start arguing, you will just go: there! You are ableist!

When I say it's people like you the problem, it's not people who are ableist, it's the few posters who try to derail threads, start fights etc.. , you are proving my point better than I was explaining.

Thank you.

The same help and adjustments should be offered to everyone? So where’s my wheelchair? And my guide dog? I’m outraged

Most of this is utter bullshit.

If you knew anything at all about finding a diagnosis, you wouldn’t spout this nonsense.

Your “relative” will have challenges way beyond what you could ever imagine. No healthcare professional in the field of neurological disability would ever insist someone couldn’t manage their symptoms and could never work. You clearly are getting half a story and making the rest up. This kind of abelism is exactly what OP is talking about.

But having able bodied young people sat around on benefits for an increasingly common condition is ludicrous! And an insult to working people, sorry.

Yes definitely, residential school placements are are extremely hard to get and are only allocated when all else has failed and everyone agrees it's in the best interests of the child irs not a decision taken lightly i think KP has used Havey and her other kids in many ways but I would never judge her for Harvey's placement it won't have been an easy decision.

You are very fortunate to have found out. So many parents never realise that their child is being stolen from.

And again it is not an increasingly common condition. It is under diagnosed and under treated.

Educate yourself and read the NHS Taskforce findings, maybe then you won’t spout such ableist nonsense.

Link to that Danish case, please?

I do find it a little ableist to use words like “selected few” in the context of those SEN children needing school transport. Staggered start times at MS are great, but non-SEN children being sent to a school 90 minutes’ drive away just doesn’t happen, unless their parents and/or LA are actually barking mad. It’s pretty normal in SEN. It’s also rather unpleasant to imply that the majority are being denied something, when the little extra being given to the minority is only intended to level the playing field a bit, and rarely even succeeds at that.

I have huge doubts around all of it, for very well thought out reasons.

Please share your reasons.

No not well thought out reasons - ignorance and abelism.

and you wonder why people take strong views instead of discussing like reasonable adults..

At least you are open about wanting to start an argument, that's to be applauded

Sounds more likely.

YANBU at all
I feel like if parents of kids with SEND who are often under extreme stress and isolated, can’t freely get support on a site like this, aimed at parents, then where the fuck can they? Yet the number of dicks on here who want to put the boot in is very upsetting. And MN is not good at removing these comments

My son told me. If he was younger, non verbal etc then I probably would have never known.

AS is really useful with some posters. I would not waste any more time on this one.

Surely the State is there to help parents meet their parental responsibility not replace them.

If in doubt, you’re very welcome to spend 24 hours with my lovely but exhausting DS8 who has profound autism. He might headbutt things at first because he fears new people. Once he gets used to you, he will likely shout facts at the top of his voice because he thinks that’s how to make friends. He also has a tendency to run in roads because he has no sense of danger and poor proprioception, so please be on your toes at all times. Oh and he doesn’t sleep, so you’ll be needing a great deal of coffee. Have fun!

I’ll happily give you a proportionate share of the £270-odd DLA we receive for him. 👍

I agree to a point.. but i think some of that is the current apathy of teenagers (god i sound old).

That kind of thing doesn't fly in my house. My DB is older than me, and has a successful career despite being AuDHD and having ME/CFS, could he work in an office? no, but he works very successfully from home and gets paid a 6 figure salary thanks to adjustments his company allows.

I worked up until i had to give up work to be a carer, despite my own AuDHD and anxiety issues, as a classroom assistant, and have done voluntary work in even planning and for my younger childs mainstream school as a reader when i've had free hours.

I've told both my kids (even the profoundly disabled one) that they CAN do, i have never told them they can't, and i have certainly never once allowed them to believe that life can be lived sat on their butts, i encourage them to find their talents, and find their niches... despite struggling horrendously in her GCSE's DD is at College learning how to make and edit films, learning photography and art.. she's found her niche. DS is working towards it, its just taking him longer, but he's showing interest in voice acting and audio book reading and publishing game walkthroughs.

There needs to be less 'you have ASD/ADHD therefore you CANT' and more 'you can if you work and find ways around it and with your disability'