To think a lot of MN are ableist?

[Sweetlifeofyours]

So I wasn’t going to post but as a mum with a disabled child myself I feel like I have to get things off my chest. I have read a couple of threads over the past week or so regarding mothers who are looking for advice and support for their disabled child/children (2 that stick out to me)

I was very sad to see that there were only a few posters who actually gave support and advice to the OP’s. The rest were in my opinion, downright rude and nasty and clearly just wanted to upset the OP’s even more for whatever reason.

As a mum with a SEN child, it is incredibly difficult and I myself don’t always get the correct help and support I need so to come on here and see that other women/parents show their (somewhat) true opinions of disabled children upset me.

I am completely 100% on board that autism shouldn’t be an excuse for everything, but surely some compassion wouldn’t go amiss to a struggling parent.

One of the worst things I read was a poster saying to the OP that they should make sure their child doesn’t turn into a sex offender because he enjoys hugs. Says more to me about the poster rather than the OP and their child.

I guess my AIBU is, do you think people (maybe especially on here) should have more compassion for the disabled community or have you read threads where you agree with the majority of comments (especially where we are talking about young children)?

It’s a spectrum. Are you this abelist towards visible disabilities?

There is definitely a lot of ableism on here. The attitude to disabled people who can’t work is appalling. I saw a few posters saying disabled people should stay home if they can’t cope with life when a disabled person had been pushed out of the way getting onto a train. The number of goady threads about ND is shocking. Mumsnet have admitted to having at least one very persistent autism troll but still leave the obvious troll posts up. Peoples attitudes towards reasonable adjustments at work and that children get at school are awful and shocking. I read some posters on a thread saying that ND children get an advantage over the ‘normal kids’ because they get extra time in their exam or get a reader/scribe. Sometimes they’re deleted but other times you’re told to challenge on the thread. Then you challenge and get deleted.

Hopefully Justine does actually crack down on this stuff because the site is a shit hole atm.

Many non-disabled DC receive school transport.

If a child can cope with mainstream education, they can go to the local school and it is almost always parental choice if they go further away.

That isn't the same if a child can't cope in mainstream education and the only available option is miles away.

Similar applies to all children who have to go school 3+ miles away I believe such as rural locations etc.

I don't get your point?

About 20℅ of people with Autism work

Let’s also remember that these people out there who also have serious health conditions and are in constant pain, but work and don’t claim PIP, for whatever reason.
Not every working person is out there living a health life in an able-body. People deal with all sorts of things.

I have a life limiting auto immune disease, aswell as narcolepsy. Believe me, life is bloody tough for me every single day. Please don’t think that everyone out there working is skipping around in the picture of health. Many of us aren’t.

can he?

All children live at walking distance from their school, do they? All PRIMARY school children live at walking distance, don't need an adult with them before and after school?

You are sure about that?

Most people are compassionate but the problem is that Sen does cover a huge spectrum of needs, and one person’s reasonable adjustments is disruptive for other persons child, a mismatch. I was (am but she’s an adult now) a mother of an autistic child whose schooling was made intolerable due to low level disruptive behaviour in class, chatter, seat scraping, interrupting teacher so you can see why there isn’t automatic sympathy. This is only one example of where two sets of needs clash.

school transport seems to lack empathy here too, probably because many families are struggling with paying for transport then others get it for free, hence lack of understanding.

I would say in general most people are compassionate especially at higher level needs though, I’ve always had plenty when I’ve posted for advice

Nope you’re incorrect. Unbelievably schools actually turn down kids who can cope in mainstream, sometimes even if they have an EHCP.

@ThatChristmasMug a child can get help with transport to school even without SEN. There clear guidelines for distance (would have to look them up). If the nearest suitable school is a certain distance away, any child is entitled to help with transport. It's just that most children without SN will be able to attend a school within this distance whilst many with SEN are forced to travel huge distances as there is no provision locally. It's not just about SEN. If your child's closest suitable school would be 20/30/40 miles away, you would get the same support. HTH

So, you think there's an epidemic of people falsely claiming to be disabled?
I would consider myself to be disabled as I was born without eyes and with multiple joint deformities, perhaps an expert on identifying genuine disabilities, like your good self, may wish to correct me.
I hate to think of you losing sleep over the lavish tax-payer funded life of luxury us PIP claimants all live, so, let me assure you that the adaptive technology, equipment and carers I require to function, look after my family and, shock horror, work, are not remotely covered by my monthly PIP payments. I am, in fact, worse off than someone earning the same amount as me but without my disability related costs. I hope you find this comforting.

The thread is certainly showing some people’s ableism.

In my LA any child over 3 miles from their school can apply for council transport, not just the SEN students.

Most SEN schools has transport be ause they're usually far away from the child's home.

I do wonder how we got here where the state/goverment seem to be responsible for paying for practically everything.

Don't have your own house - go to the council. If they don't have a house they will pay for you to go to travel inn until they find you one
Don't have a job - go to the benefits office. Remember to get your free council tax and free dental care and whatever else you are entitled to
Have elderly parents - get the goverment to pay for them
Have a disabled child - get the goverment to pay for them
Have poor MH - get the goverment to pay for it
And so on

I mean at what point did people start expecting the goverment (ie other people's taxes) to fund so much stuff?

And you know what happens - people like myself who are not on benefits and fully self supporting find out that actually due to poor MH (which I've had for over 50 years) I can probably actually apply for and get PIP or some other benefit. Whilst my health has no doubt made my life more difficult it did not stop being doing a job of some kind (it's bad enough that on the NHS I qualify for therapy which in todays NHS is no small feat).

So someone like me who feels like claiming a disability benefit is completely wrong and farcical is it seems entitled to it. I don't claim it because it's kind of ridiculas that my level of health entitles me to goverment money. However time and time again I read posts on people getting money for things that are less serious that my own and I think 'fuck it what a mug I am for not claiming it'

So what do you do when you are entitled to benefits according to the rules but you know for a fact that you don't need the money and two while it certainly makes your life more difficult it does not make it impossible to hold down perhaps a basic job. Do you jump on the gravy train because everyone else is getting them so why the fuck not. Or do you not claim them because it just feels morally wrong.

However not claiming makes me feel really resentful to all these people less ill than me who are claiming. This is the problem - the huge welfare state is causing huge resentment amongst a large amount of the population who think the threshold for claiming is so low to be laughable.

I know an elderly person who lived in a mortgage free bungalow with substantial savings. She was in receipt of the state pension plus a private pension. This is what the state said she was entitled to (and yes she claimed it all)

Attendance Allowance - £400 per month
Carers paid for by the council to allow her to stay in her own home - came in 4 times a day to give her medicine and heat up a dinner. The cost to the agency paid by the council was huge.
A family member who 'cared' for her was allowed to claim carers allowance (the family member was doing lots for her including housework, admin, taking her to appointments etc)

None of this was means tested. It seemed ludicrious that someone who was financially independent got this much state help. The person at this stage had a heart issue and could go out socialising/shopping but not manage their own housework it seems. The carers were meant to wash her but she refused to let them. So they were getting paid for something they weren't even doing.

Non disabled children have a right to school transport. There are loads of children on school buses or given free passes to public buses. There even non disabled chikdren in taxis if the closest available school to them was some distance away, but not enough demand for a whole bus/minibus from thier location to the centrally allocated school.

Oh yeah, sorry. I should have mentioned that too.

There has to be greater scrutiny of the extra time, rest breaks etc etc as this has led in some cases to an unfair advantage with those without being advantaged in some cases. I suspect it has been on some schools and I. Some cases due to parental pressure.

YANBU. The ableism against both disabled children and adults is frequently jaw dropping.

ADHD is not only a childhood condition though. And it’s not something you grow out of. Therefore adults, undiagnosed as children, still have adhd. They still struggle with the same issues as children do and still, in some cases, require support and accommodations. More research into neurodivergence has led to more understanding of it. Same as with the physical conditions. It’s progress

the lack of transparency doesn't help

Parents got rightly annoyed when one teacher and one TA spend an excessive amount of time with one (or 2) child(ren).

what they are not told, is when the TA has been employed with the funding given for the SEND child. So in effect, any time that TA spends wit the rest of the class is a bonus, that only happens because of that SEND funding.

Parents are not ableist to complain about their own child being unsupported, but would also understand why a TA spends most (instead of all) time with the SEND child they've been funded to work with.

You’ve missed where I said they referred to the ‘normal kids’ which was my point. That was the ableism. Funny that someone with your attitude completely missed it.

Im aware. I was one. I didn't become disabled on a lightswitch flick. Im 44, I've had spinal issues since I was 17, I've only been disabled enough to claim pip in the last 15 months.
I would still rather be me 15mo ago than me now.

I was just going to write this. It is fact that the criteria for both ADHD and Autism has broadened significantly over the past few decades. This means far more people will now be eligible for a diagnosis. Once you have a diagnosis, you are automatically considered disabled.

The threshold was significantly lowered for adult diagnoses of ADHD in 2013 and changes to the DSM-5 also meant the Autism expanded to include more of those with milder traits. The scientific community is absolutely not in agreement that these were good changes and there are many experts that the criteria has now been broadened too far and this is disadvantaging those that have more significant traits as well as inappropriately labeling those with relatively mild struggles as disabled. This is especially worrying when virtually all of the population will struggle with ND traits so it is very important we set the threshold at the right level to differentiate people's suitably.

I work 40 hours a week and I am in chronic pain.
Unfortunately some of us do have to work, 'able bodied' or not. But sure, you enjoy your luxuries, I don't have time to get my nails done anyway.
Perhaps it's your head that needs a wobble.