To think a lot of MN are ableist?

[Sweetlifeofyours]

So I wasn’t going to post but as a mum with a disabled child myself I feel like I have to get things off my chest. I have read a couple of threads over the past week or so regarding mothers who are looking for advice and support for their disabled child/children (2 that stick out to me)

I was very sad to see that there were only a few posters who actually gave support and advice to the OP’s. The rest were in my opinion, downright rude and nasty and clearly just wanted to upset the OP’s even more for whatever reason.

As a mum with a SEN child, it is incredibly difficult and I myself don’t always get the correct help and support I need so to come on here and see that other women/parents show their (somewhat) true opinions of disabled children upset me.

I am completely 100% on board that autism shouldn’t be an excuse for everything, but surely some compassion wouldn’t go amiss to a struggling parent.

One of the worst things I read was a poster saying to the OP that they should make sure their child doesn’t turn into a sex offender because he enjoys hugs. Says more to me about the poster rather than the OP and their child.

I guess my AIBU is, do you think people (maybe especially on here) should have more compassion for the disabled community or have you read threads where you agree with the majority of comments (especially where we are talking about young children)?

Parents to be financially responsible for their own children? Why is it always "if the system doesn't pay, I am not paying"?

You cannot access specialist schools and pay from your own pocket (leave aside that fact that it's not affordable for most families in any case). Specialist places via EHCP are always funded via the LA. My child's special school does not accept self funders and that is standard (there are very few exceptions).

And why would you expect parents of disabled children to fund their children's education whilst typical kids receive a free mainstream education? why do you want to exclude disabled children from education?

The British are not a different species than say the Chinese.

Yet the Chinese do not seem to have the same amount of non physically disabled children, e.g. autism and ADHD, impacting their benefits bill and the other children in their schools.

Because last time I checked, education is a right for all children, not just those who can cope in mainstream education?

oh I know what answer they will give.

And then we go back to the many discussions/ arguments/ fights about people on benefit who can afford holidays/ having their nails done/ prosecco for breakfast vs the why am I not entitled luxury too, or are rich people the only ones to be allowed to have kids 😂

That's stepping away from ableism and going to the benefit fight thread

how would you pay 50-100k for a specialist school place?

Do people pay for their children's education when they go to state schools? Why should disabled children not have access to an education??

SOME posters try to derail every thread with a "take my disability then! If you are jealous, you take it" they don't help their side of the argument at all.
I’m struggling to understand your point. People receive benefits because of their disability. Other people don’t get these benefits because they are not disabled. When this is pointed out by disabled people you say this doesn’t help their side of the argument.
What is your point then?

The DSM. Just one example is ADHD. It used to be considered as only a childhood condition. Now adults can be diagnosed too.

The criteria for diagnosis for lots of conditions we know as ND have broadened in the last few years.

You're calling saying that ableist. Its not. Its a fact.

You've bought your own assumptions to it.

That's why I like mumsnet. You can hear opinions that you wouldn't necessarily come across in real life.

Anyone who finds it too unkind should look for a support group instead. I dont think tjats what mumsnet is.

Education yes, but since when does it include paid taxis?

Mainstream or not, we all have to make our own arrangement to get our children to school? Are we all getting taxis - and free wraparound care - for our children' s education?

And if the parents can’t afford the specialist education their child needs does that child go without an education?

Can you link some statistics from China? Interested in the current figures there! Cheers.

But your non disabled child can go to the local school. Not every disabled child can

No. Only the children who NEED it

Some independent SS accept self funders rather than always being funded via EHCPs.

Note, that is not me saying parents should pay or that all can. They shouldn’t have to and many won’t be able to. Merely a note that some independent SS do accept self funders.

The levels of autism in China
are roughly the same around 1%. They have cultural stigmas towards SEN.

I dont pay for my non disabled child to attend school.

Nor do I pay for his medical care.

Its quite radical to suggest all parents are financially responsible and pay for education and medical care.

Its certainly abelist to suggest only parents of disabled children should.

I said that my (very bright) DS is too tired after university to also hold a P/T job (he is Audhd) and some charmer told me that there was no point in him going to university then as he wasn’t fit to cope with it. It actually made me cry because it was so nasty.

I don’t know about some of the comments mentioned. I think it is difficult to make any comment sometimes without being accused of being discriminatory, my view is that SEN provision is lacking in many places, however there are limited resources and sadly schools have to balance their budgets. Sometimes that may be at the expense of different competing demands, budget for the arts and music has been cut, teaching assistants used to substitute for teaching staff etc etc and sometimes Sen provision is also impacted. I think it is reasonable to say that an Sen child’s need is not more important than other children , it is just different. Sadly it is the average well behaved child that gets overlooked.

@FoughtIt Sweetheart, a large chunk of the world’s population is Autistic… Of course they can bloody work! Elon Musk is Autistic, Bill Gates is Autistic, Albert Einstein is believed to have been Autistic, along with Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, Tim Burton, Andy Warhol, Van Gogh, Leonardo DaVinci, Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Jane Austen, Steven Spielberg, Alexander Graham Bell (inventor of the telephone!), Benjamin Franklin, Alfred Hitchcock, I could go on & on & on. Are you getting my point?!?

Because many SEN children are being refused access to their local school due to the school saying they can’t meet their needs. They then have to go distances to other schools. Not sure I could get any of my kids to school 40 minutes in the other direction to where I work and my other kids go to school every day let alone afford a taxi .