DM didn't call me or get me a present for my birthday

[Mustardmummy]

I feel really sad about this. She got me a printed moonpig card (cheap basic one - I use moonpig myself so know it wasn't one of the nicer ones) fair enough, and sent a giff over Whatsapp.

But no phone call, didn't ask what I might be doing and no gift. We don't live nearby, normally she posts a little something and or puts a a bit of money in my account and sends a nice card and will call me. Nothing. It all felt really impersonal I replied to the giff but she didn't reply back or ask if I'd had a nice day or was doing anything special.

She is perfectly fine, we were on holiday with her not that long ago. Everything fine money wise, her and my Dad are fine. She was even telling me on holiday what she'd gotten one of her friends - some earrings from an independent jewelry brand we both like. So it's not as if she doesn't do presents.

I just feel a bit meh.

She sent you a card, which means she has thought about you and wants you to have a happy birthday. She didn't forget. You just want her to have spent more money? You're an adult - I wouldn't expect anything else, and a specific phone call would be very odd, in my view.

I know how you feel. One of my oldest friends pretty much ignored my 50th birthday apart from sending a message. No card, no visit from her. I took her out for 2 meals for her 50th birthday the year before & made sure a special card arrived before she went away on her actual birthday. I let it stew for ages before I said anything but wish I'd said something sooner. You should speak to your mum about it ASAP

You’re an adult. Birthdays aren’t really that important now. 🤷‍♀️

Oh behave. A specific phone call, from your MOTHER, on your BIRTHDAY, would be odd?

You’re the odd one.

Happy Birthday OP and I’m sorry, that is shit of her.

Yeah I’m LC with my parents (now just my Dad) he didn’t send me a card or message or anything for a big birthday so I’m reciprocating the effort.

IMO a card from moonpig is worse then having no card at all!!

A call to your child to wish them a happy birthday and ask about their day is odd?

WTF.

What would she say if you did the same for her birthday?

If this is out of character for her, are you sure she is ok? Could she be unwell but not telling you?

It sounds like she might be housebound at the moment.

You'll get plenty of messages from others saying "you're an adult, why do you need presents?" But if she normally would buy you something (and she obviously buys for others not in the family) or at least a phone call then you have every right to be upset

They obviously are important to OP's mum as she has bought presents for her friend

Do you never get anything for your birthday then?

Could she have sent you something and it’s not arrived?

Do the same for her birthday.

Lots of adults don’t give presents. I’ve rarely given or received gifts as an adult for birthdays. It seems pointless.

DM and I haven’t exchanged gifts since I was an adult.

I don't get this attitude. I spend ages on Moonpig choosing a card for someone, much longer than I used to spend in the local posh card shop before it closed down after lockdown. People are silly and snobby about the strangest things.

It depends if she has always made an effort or not . If she usually does then I’d worry a little. My usually lovely thoughtful mum did a few out of character hurtful things like this and almost stopped phoning us herself at all ( I always phoned anyway) I hate to say it but looking back it was the beginning of her dementia

A specific phone call from your mum on your birthday would feel odd? I feel sad for you if that’s the case.

How did it go down when you raised it?

How did we get to housebound? Is that not bit of a leap? If she was housebound and able to order moonpig card then she could have ordered gift online too?

I don't do generally do adult presents, even with my adult children. However I have a friend who presents mean a lot, so I get her stuff and a card. I don't tell my children about it, like the OP's Mum has.
OP it is strange behaviour and I think that you have to mention it, via thanking her for the card. Just to check that everything is ok.

@Cynic17 was your own Mum emotionally distant? It's usual to make contact with your children on their birthday.

Sorry to hear this OP. I would expect a call from my parents to wish me on my bday and I would definitely call my kids on their bday to wish them! Doesn't need to be a full on 1 hour conversation just a quick happy bday, have a great day/hope you had a great day if it's an evening call.

Why would pp say just because you're an adult, birthdays are now irrelevant! As a parent you never forget the day your kids are born and as a parent you should continue to make your child feel special no matter their age!

But besides the point and yes maybe you should mention it to your mum and say thanks for the card. If she doesn't live far maybe suggest a lunch together to celebrate (if it's not too late after the day of your bday that is).

Talking from my experience, my siblings and I and our respective kids always do a little bday thing with our parents. Not necessarily on the day but on the weekend around it. So I think it is weird for people to say it is normal not to hear from your parents on the day of your bday.

Same here, nor do my kidults give to me as we all agreed no cards, presents. It's no big deal.

If this is out of character I would worry that she wasn’t well. Can you check with your dad if you don’t want to talk to her directly

If my DM didn't call me on my birthday, it would be odd and likewise me. Getting a present and a card is normal between us. It's a day of celebration FGS.