DM didn't call me or get me a present for my birthday

[Mustardmummy]

I feel really sad about this. She got me a printed moonpig card (cheap basic one - I use moonpig myself so know it wasn't one of the nicer ones) fair enough, and sent a giff over Whatsapp.

But no phone call, didn't ask what I might be doing and no gift. We don't live nearby, normally she posts a little something and or puts a a bit of money in my account and sends a nice card and will call me. Nothing. It all felt really impersonal I replied to the giff but she didn't reply back or ask if I'd had a nice day or was doing anything special.

She is perfectly fine, we were on holiday with her not that long ago. Everything fine money wise, her and my Dad are fine. She was even telling me on holiday what she'd gotten one of her friends - some earrings from an independent jewelry brand we both like. So it's not as if she doesn't do presents.

I just feel a bit meh.

A phone call is a bare minimum for your child.

YANBU.

Wow, I like Moonlight cards. They generally cost a bit more than a shop equivalent and can be personalised. There's a huge selection to choose from so some effort goes into the selecting of one. The only difference is not going in person to an actual shop. I hope I haven't offended people by buying them a Moonpig card.. I'll overthink that now knowing me.. 🤦🏼‍♀️😫

I get it op. In the last 2 weeks it was my 2 sons birthdays, no birthday wishes from mine or dh family. But they would complain if we forgot their birthdays.

Give over whats your child's Birthday got to do with the OP?

Really, are you not going to bother with your DCs (if you have DcS) birthdays when they are adults?

So according to some to call your child (the one you carried and birthed) on their Birthday is 'odd' just because they are an adult. Honestly MN never ceases to amaze me. Luckily my adult DC and I and myself and my own DM are all very close and loving so naturally celebrate each others birthday.

YANBU to be hurt OP, just remember it for her Birthday.

At least you got a birthday card. I didn't get one this year from my parents. Don't know why.

Yes, it would be quite bizarre for a mum to call her daughter to wish her a happy birthday. The action of a mad woman. Unprecedented!

Hmm mm, I dont think a 5 year old would be too bothered about not getting a phone call on their birthday...

MN is so bizarre when it comes to adult birthdays.

Of course YANBU to be upset - but with the state of the postal system these days, I would ring her and make sure nothing has been lost in transit.

Lol there are some crazy posts here. Life is short, so why not call your adult kids on their birthdays?!? I’ll be calling my kids on their birthdays till the day I die. Spread the love!

I’m sorry, OP. My in-laws are like this. They never call my DH, on his birthday or otherwise. It’s not nice, but they’re just mad and self-involved.

Totally agree, I make a fuss of everyone’s birthday and will do my whole life. The bare minimum is a phone call and to not call or text and ask how your daughter is enjoying her birthday is so sad. Im not surprised if OP is upset.

However, sounds out of character from what they normally do so i’d be finding out if the Mum is ok (yes its Dads responsibility too but if the Mum has always sent the money, its strange things have changed). No call or even a text from your own Mum is the saddest part of the whole thing.

To put it in context, everyone in my team messages each other on our work chat to say happy birthday (more than just a gif, a nice message). We socialise about twice a year out of work.

Give her a call. Thank her for the card and take it from there

My mum told me she wished she'd never had kids, and that she should have aborted me and my 2nd eldest brother and that we could have just been a stain in someone's pants. Can't relate.

Only on MN is it weird for a mother to call her child to wish her a happy birthday.

They are always important from our family

This is a bizarre post.

The OP's DM normally calls on OP's birthday and buys a present. This year she hasn't. "Why" she hasn't if there has been no recent falling out, is the question to focus on.

Lots of us have parents that don't give a shit. Not getting more than a card (or even nothing) is par for the course from these parents. If you have parents like this then you don't expect more, and you possibly don't even realise that it's reasonable to expect more ...

But OP's DM does normally do more. And OP's response is not to wonder what's changed this year, but just to feel sad. It's an odd response.

I would be upset too, not about the card but not having a phone call. I was 60 last month and dm and df both sang happy birthday down the phone! My dc did all phone me but dd1 was very surprised I was 60 and I had to show my newly minted senior railcard to prove it.

Only in your opinion. Most people still enjoy and celebrate their birthdays. Can’t adults enjoy them too?

Sorry but I think that's all mixed up. My DM wasn't the most affectionate person, but you always got a card and gift (normally cash), and you always got a call to wish you happy birthday, see what you are up to.
That is 100% the norm for our extended family and our friends, I honestly cannot think of one person who does not receive that.
OP if this is out of the norm Id be upset too and I'd thank her for the card but wonder what's happened. I probably wouldn't mention it this time though.

Maybe not to you but, prepare to be surprised, your views are not shared by everybody. In fact, I would venture to suggest that yours is a minority view.

I can understand the OP being upset. My adult DD is about to have a birthday. In fact it is quite a significant one. Of course we got her a present and card (Moonpig actually, yah boo sucks to whoever it was dissed them. Never used them before but we spent ages putting together a customised card with photos etc.) We also all went out together for a meal at a nice restaurant to celebrate. I cannot ever imagine failing to acknowledge her birthday. Ever.

Two thoughts though @Mustardmummy

1. You mention your Dad so you clearly still have two parents. Did he get you a present and card? If not, why is it specifically your Mum you are blaming for this oversight?
2. Cou ok d they have maybe ordered you something that hasn't arrived yet?

My mam is like this no card for several years. No phone call. The last year my auntie was alive she had picked a card on her behalf and my mam put some money in. She got her to drop it off and I received no phone call off her. My auntie was more of a mother to me sadly I found her passed away 2 days later unexpected. Even at her worse when she was poorly my auntie came and saw me gave me a card a present and handed the card she gotten on behalf of my mother. Its always stayed with me. The amount of effort from one person when they were so ill and the least amount of effort from the other.

only on MN do you get people who think this.

Oh OP, on my birthday I ring my Mum.
I congratulate her on delivering a baby, she is always so happy.
(10lb 5 oz - with no anaesthetic, due to deeply religious midwife apparently)
She says she can just about sit down now - pain-free. (age 92 😊)
She receives a new rose bush from me around the same time.

Would it help to turn it around and think about your Mum?