For context, my parents have been divorced 20+ years. Mum remarried, Dad dated briefly but stayed alone for 19 years and never let go of his negativity towards Mum. His house was like a time capsule and looked exactly as it was when he divorced. Dad drinks a lot and has an alcohol dependency (since before his divorce). We were raised by my Dad. Very sad childhood. Completely dysfunctional at home. Too much to go into here.
He had his faults (many!!) but he never saw us go without - whether that be a winter coat, pair of shoes, a home cooked meal, he supported our education and would always help in whatever way he could. We were relatively close, or so I thought. Since I've lived away (10 years) we've always had a weekly phone call of at least an hour, and I would go to see him every other month (I live 200 miles away and drive, he doesn't have a licence) and would stay for the weekend with my husband.
About a year ago I became pregnant and was ill throughout so I could not visit him. We kept up with calls (some weeks he calls, some weeks I do) but I noticed the calls were rushed (5-15 mins) whereas in the past it was difficult to end the call and often it had been 2 hours (he was drunk most calls). Eventually he told me he'd met someone when I suggested he comes to visit as he had plans with them that weekend. He told me it was private and he doesn't want to talk about it as it was early days. He came to visit once in the 9 months I was pregant. I did try to gently broach the topic of his relationship. He shut it down except for confirming it was still ongoing.
I gave birth 9 weeks ago. He hasn't been to visit his grandchild (who I named after him). He has been travelling to Europe and across the UK for holidays throughout the year (out of character). He is still with the mystery person a year on and he alludes to them but won't talk about them (e.g. if I ask his plans for the weekend "oh we're going to have lunch out". He never went abroad or bought anything for himself since I was born - suddenly he's on holidays all the time AND has renovated his house. This is a man who bought a halogen cooker rather than get his broken oven fixed (for 20 yrs) and left his broken toilet and sink in the bathroom for years as he had a downstairs loo (and sooo much more stuff!).
He called me the day I was discharged from hospital after birth (I had to stay a week as myself and child were unwell) to ask what belongings of my mine from my childhood home he could take to the tip (in his partners car) as he was having more renovations. I found it incredibly insensitive.
He called today to ask if he could visit tonight (random - very short notice) or tomorrow morning. I said yes, no problem but perhaps the morning after the storm has passed as the trains will likely be affected and it gives me chance to sort a room. He told me "I won't be getting the train, we're coming up in the car and staying at a local cottage".
I didn't really know what to say so I said that's fine.
So now I'm sat wondering if and why some random person is going to meet my baby and why he is keeping this part of his life so secretive. I feel I don't know him anymore and I don't want to meet this mystery person for the first time with my baby.
AIBU??
Should I call back for clarity? What do I say? I have thought about many reasons for his behaviour...shame (maybe he's gay?), jealously, guilt...