Not to cook for a guest at Christmas?

[thatsnotmynewname]

Dh and I have agreed not to cook this Christmas and instead have a relaxing day, a few drinks and some Christmas treats as a buffet style. Neither of us are big eaters these days.
We have an adult son (25) who lives local, he rents a room in a shared house so I expect he will come over.
I asked him his plans for Christmas and if he’d be spending it with us and as usual he said he didn’t know yet, however we know if he does decide to turn up it will be unannounced and he will expect a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.
AIBU to stick to our plan?
He will not get a Christmas dinner anywhere else but he will also not let us know his plans until the last minute, and not give us a time until last minute.
I think it’s a lot of effort to go to benefit one person who may pop by for some food.

He is 25. If he wants a Christmas dinner, he can make himself one!

Tell him your plans. Then he won’t expect a full dinner.

Luckily he has a whole six weeks to get over the shock and work out what he wants to do.

No, YANBU.

Just tell him he is welcome but you’re not cooking a big meal. Let him know your plans.

Then…tell him that?

What did he say when you told him your plans?

He's an adult - if he wants a Christmas dinner he can cook one! Tell him your plans for food and then he can decide if he wants to be part of them. Come on OP, he's a grown man! Stand firm!

No, of course not! Just tell him he’s very welcome to come over on Christmas Day. You and DH have planned a day of chilling out and eating snacks so if he wants to eat a turkey he’d be well advised to bring one with him’.

Make sure he knows that you're having snacks whether he comes or not. He might enjoy the change.

Can’t you just tell him what you have planned and then he can decide and know what to expect?

We know if he does decide to turn up it will be unannounced and he will expect a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.

You know the old expression "if wishes were horses, beggars would ride?" He can "expect" whatever he fancies, it doesn't mean it's happening! I'd just tell him now what your plans actually are, and that it'll be nice odds and ends this year and no formal Christmas dinner. He's welcome to join if he likes and bring anything additional that he wants to eat.

It'd be considerate if he told you at least a few days ahead whether he'll come so you can buy the right amounts, but realistically I'd probably get in enough for him too (if he hasn't said no by the time you're finishing the shopping) and risk having leftovers.

I don;t know if they do a ready meal Christmas dinner for one, but if they do - get one and put it in the freezer - job done.

I can't imagine calling any child of mine a 'guest', adult or not!

But it's a bit of a daft question anyway OP because all you need to do is tell him no-one's cooking this year.

Just tell him your plans...🤷‍♂️

Or he can take himself to a pub for one anytime before Christmas Day. Enjoy your relaxing day.

I was just indicating that someone might be joining us.

Has he actually said that if he turns up unexpectedly he’ll be expecting a full Christmas dinner? Just tell him what you’re doing and let him decide.

I would just say that you're having a snacks day instead

What's 'last minute'? I would say that wanting to know what he's up to now is quite far in advance.

I will tell him we’re not eating a traditional roast this year but I hope that’s not going to put him off as he’s not likely to eat buffet style food and will be disappointed. Dh and I were just discussing it and if it would be unfair to make him welcome but not cater as usual. I will again next year I just don’t have the energy this year and don’t feel like Christmas is the day off it’s meant to be.

Going by previous years he will ring in the morning and ask what time dinner will be and arrive about then.

No of course not but he will, because that’s what I’d normally do.

Yes agree that's annoying

Going by previous years he will ring in the morning and ask what time dinner will be and arrive about then.

Surely this can all be sorted with a simple conversation though 😂.

You: we aren't cooking a big Christmas roast this year, we are just doing a buffet and booze. You are very welcome to join us, but obviously don't phone at 10am expecting a dinner as it won't be happening!
Son: ok.

Feels like you’re creating your own drama here. Just tell him- if you want a big roast then we need to know x weeks in advance and you need to be here at x time to help put it together. Otherwise you’re more than welcome to come but it will be buffet style food

Or don’t even give him the option of the roast!

Yanbu.
I wouldn't tolerate the disrespect of expecting a meal that you haven't committed to.

I do a simply lunch.
I have never cooked a turkey.

A few drinks and nice bought it board with some hot snacks, sounds perfect.

Just have a conversation with him. You’ve already brought it up once before. Next time you do just say your dad and I aren’t having a traditional Christmas dinner this year. We’re going to have a buffet. Your more than welcome to join us as usual.