Not to cook for a guest at Christmas?

[thatsnotmynewname]

Dh and I have agreed not to cook this Christmas and instead have a relaxing day, a few drinks and some Christmas treats as a buffet style. Neither of us are big eaters these days.
We have an adult son (25) who lives local, he rents a room in a shared house so I expect he will come over.
I asked him his plans for Christmas and if he’d be spending it with us and as usual he said he didn’t know yet, however we know if he does decide to turn up it will be unannounced and he will expect a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.
AIBU to stick to our plan?
He will not get a Christmas dinner anywhere else but he will also not let us know his plans until the last minute, and not give us a time until last minute.
I think it’s a lot of effort to go to benefit one person who may pop by for some food.

exactly.. Let him know your plans and that you’ll have enough for him.and then he can come w or you can freeze leftovers

There’s something really distant in the way you are talking about your son. Can you not call him and have a chat about plans?

Just tell him you aren’t cooking a Christmas dinner this year. So if he comes he will either have to eat buffet style or shop and cook himself. Not letting you know until last minute and just expecting a dinner is very entitled and rude.

Absolutely this!

If you are cooking a roast between now & Christmas could you not just do a bit extra & plate it up for him & freeze it, just defrost on Christmas Eve so if he does turn up everyone is happy with their meal.

A “guest”? “Someone”?! Bloody hell. For someone you don’t seem especially attached or even close to, you’re contorting yourself pretty badly over a just-in-case scenario

I know. I’ve heard people talk about their bank manager with more warmth.

Why is everyone so cross about the use of the word guest?

Anyway...OP please do prioritise yourself and DH this year, after all these years surely it's your turn to have xmas day the way you want it. I'm sure buffet style bits and pieces will be lovely, and much more relaxed for you. Surely there's got to be something your DS will eat from a small selection of buffet food.

I blame the parents.

Yes they do, and I was going to suggest it.

We know if he does decide to turn up it will be unannounced and he will expect a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.

Pffft

This 👆

Already cooked!

So your plan is to not mention it in the hope he comes on Christmas day, and then find out there is no dinner. You can't do that.

Your son is rude, and doesn't have the manners he was born with if this is what he does. Appalling!

You are beating around the bush instead of categorically making it clear that you aren't doing Christmas lunch. And no thank you, you don't want any attempts at a Christmas lunch made in your house. You are not interested. You'd love your son's company over Christmas, but understand if he wants to get a roast elsewhere and see you in the evening/Boxing Day.

I think your plan sounds nice. A big Christmas dinner is not for everyone.
You could have some healthy foods in that make a simple tray bake for him if he does call on the day.
I love a simple healthy tray bake style dinner.
Some meat and vegetables with baby potatoes. Bit of stock/sauce depending on personal preference and all in one tray in the oven for a hour ish .

This is one of the most confusing and weirdly chilling Christmas threads I’ve ever seen!

I wonder what OP is thinking of doing, given she seems to have ruled out the possibility of having a conversation with her DS about this in advance, and she is certain he would reject her unhealthy buffet snacks.

As far as I can see, her options are:

• Making a full Christmas dinner just in case, to avoid any purely hypothetical disappointment her son might potentially feel if he happens to rock up on the day, and seething with silent resentment throughout the Yuletide season, whether or not he turns up for Xmas as he can’t win whatever he does.

• Not answering the phone when DS rings on Christmas morning, and hiding in the back room with the lights off if he knocks at the door, nibbling as quietly as possible on M&S canapés

Why have you raised such a rude entitled son?

Yep, this. Otherwise it looks like you're trying to get him there by trickery.

He's a hungry 25yo. In my experience they will eat anything going. 😊

I'd make sure you have plenty of ham, pickles and oven chips in stock. Then, if he (or anyone else) turns up, they can do their own cold meat and chips.

Plus some mince pies and cream. Sorted

There you go, OP. Sorted.

No-one other than a spoilt brat 'expects' a Christmas Dinner at the last moment.

What's unhealthy about a buffet?

Well this year just think of any fiancée he might snare, and how she’ll be expected to cater to his wishes above all, just as you do. Stop!
At 25, he ought to be far more self sufficient (and considerate) and you should do your own thing and stop fretting!

On which note: I’d very strenuously resist any talk of him cooking a trad meal for himself while you and DH are attempting your Yuletide buffet relaxation, because by the sound of it he’d be begging you to get in the kitchen and take over for him, or sulking at his having to cook at all because he’ll not unbend and scoff a festive buffet.
Sounds like it'd be a pretty tense day, frankly. I think that unless he can be persuaded to spend the day with friends, you need to set out your stall asap. He's welcome of course, but it’s the fab buffet vibe or nowt, and there shall be no cooking of any roasts behind the scenes.
Don't leave it too long; just ring him and tell him what’s what. His reaction is his own responsibility, not yours.
You’d be on edge all day if he’s at all likely to try to prepare his own meal while you and DH inhale tasty bits and pieces like pickled onions and game pie, and the whole idea is to relieve you of the usual stress. Nip it in the bud!
(I hope you are well though, maybe get this tiredness checked out?)

If it was a normal day, then by all means everyone do their own thing, but you've a particular vision in mind for a special, easeful Christmas, and you've every right and reason to insist that it be respected. Harrumph!

Absoflippinglutely!