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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to cook for a guest at Christmas?

108 replies

thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 21:41

Dh and I have agreed not to cook this Christmas and instead have a relaxing day, a few drinks and some Christmas treats as a buffet style. Neither of us are big eaters these days.
We have an adult son (25) who lives local, he rents a room in a shared house so I expect he will come over.
I asked him his plans for Christmas and if he’d be spending it with us and as usual he said he didn’t know yet, however we know if he does decide to turn up it will be unannounced and he will expect a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.
AIBU to stick to our plan?
He will not get a Christmas dinner anywhere else but he will also not let us know his plans until the last minute, and not give us a time until last minute.
I think it’s a lot of effort to go to benefit one person who may pop by for some food.

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 12/12/2025 16:40

thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:05

I will tell him we’re not eating a traditional roast this year but I hope that’s not going to put him off as he’s not likely to eat buffet style food and will be disappointed. Dh and I were just discussing it and if it would be unfair to make him welcome but not cater as usual. I will again next year I just don’t have the energy this year and don’t feel like Christmas is the day off it’s meant to be.

Eh? You are catering. If it's not his first choices he has multiple options including going with it, cooking it himself, bringing something else.

SunnySideDeepDown · 12/12/2025 16:47

thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:17

I know I just don’t want to put him off coming as it’s Christmas I don’t want him sitting alone in his room with a meal for one.
He doesn’t eat buffet style food as he’s really healthy and doesn’t drink either.
He will probably offer to cook himself if I say anything.

Show quote history

So you want him to turn up and not eat?

Sounds like you want him to think you’re cooking, so he comes. Then present food he won’t eat?

How strange!

Say you’re a dysfunctional family without saying you’re a dysfunctional family…

WiddlinDiddlin · 12/12/2025 17:04

Hang on, is he rude?

Or does he expect this because its what you always do and haven't told him you're not doing it this year?

Are you reluctant to tell him you're not doing it this year because you fear he won't visit?

If so, this is really on you, not him.

Tell him you're not doing a Christmas dinner.

Let him know it's ok if he wants to cook one himself (assuming that it is, and as long as he cleans up after and brings the ingredients!) but you want a year off cooking a huge feast and you are happy with a buffet of nice things.

Then let him do what he wants.

Stop people pleasing!

FairKoala · 25/12/2025 12:54

thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:05

I will tell him we’re not eating a traditional roast this year but I hope that’s not going to put him off as he’s not likely to eat buffet style food and will be disappointed. Dh and I were just discussing it and if it would be unfair to make him welcome but not cater as usual. I will again next year I just don’t have the energy this year and don’t feel like Christmas is the day off it’s meant to be.

Have you actually told him you will be eating buffet style because this just sounds like you are going to have beef instead of turkey.

Also why is buffet style less healthy than a full blown roast dinner. I would say the opposite unless your buffet is mainly beige food

You mention that if he doesn’t get his roast dinner he would prefer to spend it alone be eating a dinner for 1.
Again that doesn’t sound very healthy

AngelinaFibres · 25/12/2025 13:36

thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:17

I know I just don’t want to put him off coming as it’s Christmas I don’t want him sitting alone in his room with a meal for one.
He doesn’t eat buffet style food as he’s really healthy and doesn’t drink either.
He will probably offer to cook himself if I say anything.

Show quote history

So if you provide the lunch he wants then he'll deign to attend and,if you don't,he won't. Bloody hell that's appalling.

Mookie81 · 27/12/2025 12:24

StormInaDcup99 · 14/11/2025 06:20

Hi OP

Not sure if this has been suggested or not but I'd go with your original plan for you and husband.

However as we have 5 or 6 weeks until Christmas I'd make a Christmas meal "in stages" for son and freeze each food in advance

Eg you roast a chicken tomorrow for you and Dh.....freeze some stuffing, gravy and roast chicken.

In two weeks you make meal with roast ham and carrots. Freeze these and add to the gravy, chicken n stuffing already in freezer.

Continue as above until most of the food is prepped and ready, should your son turn up on Christmas day.

I know it's not a perfect solution, and it won't be quite as good as a freshly cooked christmas dinner, but perhaps this might work as a compromise ie allays your mum guilt and your son will hopefully still join you on Christmas day?

Jesus fucking christ! What is wrong with some women??!!

GAJLY · 27/12/2025 12:56

ForZanyAquaViewer · 13/11/2025 22:19

You think he’d prefer to sit alone in his room with a meal for one than see his parents over Christmas because he doesn’t like buffet food (which can be literally anything, by the way)? Really? Why do you think this?

Show quote history

Agree with Zany👆🏻
I would tell him now that there is no Christmas dinner, just buffet food on the day and that he’s welcome to pop in. I’m pretty sure he’d rather see you for a few hours than be alone!

SoScarletItWas · 27/12/2025 17:55

Disappointed at lack of update from @thatsnotmynewname - did son turn up? Was he fed? I’m invested here!

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