To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

[Babycarrierdilemma]

NDN has a young baby. We live on the second floor and she has been knocking or messaging every day wanting dh to help her up and down the stairs with the pram.

She has asked twice for a lift to an appointment next week as said she couldn’t manage the train alone. I told her that he can’t take her and she should sort out a taxi to which she said she cant manage car seat / pram and baby alone.

I had 2 carriers from when dc were little so I took them round and gave them to her said I didn’t have instructions but I was happy to show her or could send her the link to YouTube for each one. I said to her that we can’t help her anymore as it’s really getting too much. It literally is as I’m fed up of the daily requests and it’s almost like learned helplessness?

She messaged dh that evening upset and he’s told me I’ve been really unkind ??? It’s caused an argument and I’ve had to say it’s now a deal breaker if he continues to let her disrupt our lives this way?

Yes. The mixture of his obliviousness, this neighbour’s very alarming sense of entitlement, and her immediate nasty retaliation when thwarted, make me foresee pretty dramatic trouble ahead.

I do a taxi run to Church every Sunday (despite not going to church myself) If my dp tried to stop me, I’d be pretty damn sulky too!

Do they ring you up whilst you are at work during the day asking for unplanned lifts too and unplanned favours?
Do they interrupt your time with your partner asking you for favours you havent previously agreed?
Do they send your partner texts slagging you off?

If not then your analogy doesn't remotely apply.

Hardly the same thing is it. Typical Mumsnet full of 'cool wife' BS. No-one would be comfortable with this situation and the H reactions in the real world

@JudgeJ though OP said in an early post that if the NDN can’t get a response from DH she messages OP to get her to chase him so that does qualify a “we can’t help quite as much” from OP.

It’s good to help others of course but there are limits and DH needs to be aware that his [presumably innocent] unlimited kindness could backfire on him IF she is manipulative and decides his enthusiasm for helping her can be relabelled as “the creep who is constantly badgering me”.

Hear, hear.

Have you asked him if she’s contacted him again? How do you know he’s on board with not communicating?

He's been cool with you and she felt so entitled and comfortable with him, she felt she could bitch about you?

I hope you get how absolutely unbelievable that is from a new neighbour.

I find it hard to believe he has not become smitten with her, and she knows it.

I would be so wary.

Worrying that he seems more concerned about her feeling than he is about yours OP.

The “interupt time with your partner” thing is particularly insane. We can live without each other for 10 minutes!

@CurlewKate , are you this obtuse in real life?

Are you being deliberately obtuse on this thread? If it was 10 minutes once a week then it would probably be ok, 10 minures every day would be annoying, except it's not, it's multiple times a day, that would fuck anyone off...

Cross post!

I may have missed it-but has the OP used the term “multiple”? I say 10 minutes because I am assuming once down and once up. And yes, I would be happy to do that or for my dp to do that. And we have established that she didn’t bad mouth the OP. She said she was upset-it was the OP who said he thought the OP was being mean.

If you want to save your marriage looking at phone is not crossing a line, it’s about you feeling safe with in your marriage after a total stranger crossed the line. No need to be a cool wife she’s over stepping not you

And we have established that she didn’t bad mouth the OP

The OP mentions 'the message where she said she didn’t know how to say and didn’t want to say but she has cried all afternoon and is stressed after my visit and that I wasn’t kind'

CurlewKate I doubt very much if you'd be happy if your NDN had been slagging you off to your DH via text, or would you be ok with that too?

No, I wouldn’t. The person doing the slagging off was the Dh.

Any update OP? I would ask to read his messages with this woman, the relationship is inappropriate and if it isn’t he should have no concerns showing you.

It’s the fact that the neighbour messaged OP’s DH at all to tell him that’s the problem @CurlewKate .

DH’s friend did a similar thing to me once.

The NDN texting my DH to complain about ME constitutes slagging off

She’s a CF for texting your DH and he’s a CF and a bad DH for saying you’ve been unkind

Sounds like they spend more time together than you realise when you’re out of the house

it’s a big problem I think

A friend of my DH really fancied my DM so they had to cut off contact because he kept contacting her

Your NDN is coming between you and your DH and it’s clearly impacting your relationship

as one of you ie you are uncomfortable with their relationship then it has to stop simple as that

These responses are so obtuse. This woman is causing problems in the OP's marriage. She is being disrespectful and offensive now. It seems those who are so insistent they would never be upset are protesting too much here.

I completely trust my DH. We have been together 27 years. We respect each other. I would however be raging if a neighbor texted my DH behind my back to say I was unkind and that they cried all afternoon and that my DH was sulking. It is out of character for OP's DH and he is clearly invested in this woman to the point he is fucking up his own marriage. How can you not see how absolutely bonkers that is? The inability or unwillingness to see that is absurd.

I agree with you but your husband should have been the one to do this not you.

How does she have your number anyway?