Husband and son invited to wedding me only reception

[Frasierfan]

Husband came back a few weeks ago saying he had news! His brother had told him he was getting married. Delighted.

When I saw brother in law I congratulated him and he asked me how I knew. Husband wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Husband didn’t think this applied to me.

The invitations are out. Three envelopes, for husband, younger son and me. Not one for my eldest son from previous relationship who has been in husband’s life for two decades.

I thought it was odd that we had separate envelopes. I thought they were getting married in a hotel. Then younger son opened his. It turns out they are marrying in a registry office but I am only invited to Reception. I am really pissed off and not a little insulted.

I want to know details of who is invited to actual wedding and if there’s constraints etc.

Husband won’t ask.

AIBU

Because they are indicating he’s not family. Poor etiquette.

I don't think so. I think Groom is trying to minimize fall out about exclusions. It has backfired...

What planet is your BIL from? Separate invitations? Your eldest excluded completely. Your husband needs to speak up here. Mind you I dont think I'd want to go at all after this massive insult. Id let husband go to the whole thing on his own without younger son or possibly you three (you plus sons)could rock up together at the reception. Either way I wouldnt be doing any future socialising with BIL and his new wife. Ever.

It may come down to money

my mum years ago was very offended I wasn’t invited to my second cousins wedding

my dad and her were. My brother and I not but other children /young adults were going

I wasn’t offended as hasn’t seen my cousin for maybe 10yrs let along her kids

2nd cousin wanted to invite great uncle /aunt blondes but not me and I was fine with that as it was a money thing and to invite me a relative she hasn’t seen for years v close friends

so mate that’s why your older son hasn’t been invited if he hasn’t seen the bride and groom for years

When I had a registry office wedding we were only allowed 2 other people. There were bigger rooms and other days we could've done it and had more for a price, but if they want cheap and intimate there will be a limit on numbers.

He’s not their family though. If she divorced her husband they would never ever see him again. But likely they would still be in contact with the younger son as he is their nephew.

But, they're very much married now and OP's DH been step dad for 20 years. The 26 y/o is very much the family of the OP's dh. They ate a family unit of 4.

My family goes where I go and visa versa, no ifs not buts.

Your husband should pipe up and say the same, he shouldn’t even consider the invitation without you

He's been in their family for 20 years. What a sad, sad attitude, Even my aunt, when in her 90s just accepted step grandchildren as her own.

Absolutely agree with you but that's a wonderful typo.

So say that on the invitation? Space for the ceremony is very tight but we'd like to celebrate with everyone at the reception?

At my local registrars office, one of the ceremony rooms can take 2 witnesses and the couple.

Just curious, if you have such a good relationship with BIL why aren’t you asking instead of making your husband the middle man?

Blimey how odd. I would ask outright.
Make a joke and say u think invitation lost in post.
Sort it or this will fester 4 years

Support your eldest son and decline for that reason. Yr husband needs to get a back bone.

So is younger son invited to the registry office as well as dh - but not you @Frasierfan

im a little Confused re reading op about the 3 envelopes

The oldest son is the OP’s family. He’s nothing to do with her husband’s brother.

It’s not a sad attitude. It’s the truth. He’s never been part of the family of the brother getting married.

@JHound that's a really horrible way of thinking.
I can't imagine not considering a (hypothetical) step child of my sibling being part of my family - especially after 20 years.

He is however part of the family who have been invited. Not to include him seems callous to me.

But the whole family haven't been invited which was the point. Only the blood relatives

I do kind of except in a round about way that if your oldest isn't present in their life's then they probably wouldn't invite him(doesn't sit right with me but there are people out there who think like this) BUT I feel that you and your husband should have been invited to the registry office then your children invited to the evening reception with you both!
Personally I don't understand why your son and husband can't see your point of view, saying that it all depends how close you are as a family? Just because you're family doesn't mean you're close,
I would decline but not let it eat you up because tbh you declining will ruffle feathers... Please let us know what the outcome is of other sils take(can't you ask her?)

In these days of blended families, it just doesn’t seem right to me. That’s all.

If your dh and DS2 think it is such a silly thing to get upset about then they too will be missing the ceremony or it is too important an event to miss.

They can’t have it both ways

Whilst its a shitty situation sometimes its down to the registry office size and charges. Some allow a couple of guests some a few more but as the people increase in number so does the charge. I had just 2 witnesses that way no one or everyone could get upset. But to invite the child and not you is odd and yes I would hope my DH would query this with Brother.