Husband and son invited to wedding me only reception

[Frasierfan]

Husband came back a few weeks ago saying he had news! His brother had told him he was getting married. Delighted.

When I saw brother in law I congratulated him and he asked me how I knew. Husband wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Husband didn’t think this applied to me.

The invitations are out. Three envelopes, for husband, younger son and me. Not one for my eldest son from previous relationship who has been in husband’s life for two decades.

I thought it was odd that we had separate envelopes. I thought they were getting married in a hotel. Then younger son opened his. It turns out they are marrying in a registry office but I am only invited to Reception. I am really pissed off and not a little insulted.

I want to know details of who is invited to actual wedding and if there’s constraints etc.

Husband won’t ask.

AIBU

A wedding should either be small with immediate family only, or huge and everyone and their granny invited. There are always problems when couples try to do it inbetween.

I'd be delighted with this fannying about with guest lists, because it's the perfect excuse to not go@Frasierfan without feeling any guilt. It's probably too late now given you've kicked off about it, but I would've gladly played along with the plans, then on the day be struck down with stomach flu rendering me bed ridden (and the house to yourself for a full day, whilst your hubby and son are at the wedding. Bliss!).

She isn't immediate family, her husband is. If he divorced her tomorrow do you think his family would still have her in their life? In most cases, they wouldn't.

Her children have a day together? The older son is in his 20s, do you think he needs to be taken out for ice cream?

I doubt he cares that much.

Do you think, supposing that was the brother's train of thought, that's the mark of a decent person 😂

The whole thing is bizarre. I can't fathom why the OP would want to go to any of it in these circumstances. I'd be slapping my arse on both sides at the opportunity/excuse to not go at all.

Funnily enough when I replied, at the very beginning of the post, the OP hadn't stated the age of her children! But thanks for your comment anyway!

I do know that my dd would be upset to be left out of a wedding her sibling was invited to and she is in her early 20s.

If space was tight at the registry office, I’d expect the BIL to call DH before the invitations were sent out to explain apologetically for why his whole family aren’t invited together.

Her younger son is an adult, unlike his mother, he's a blood relative. I like my in-laws, but I'm much closer to my nephews and nieces and they will always take priority

This.

It’s the way the bil has gone about it that is strange.

"Ring around asking questions"

Have a tiny bit of self-respect.

I've read your posts op, I think this is terrible. I would feel so hurt and unwelcome. I personally wouldn't ask DH to say or do anything, if he doesn't know to step up then I would just take that information on board and I wouldn't necessarily discuss it further, just let his in/action help shape my thinking about the narrow of our relationship. But I also wouldn't be attending, and I would do this quietly so as not to make a display, book yourself tickets away somewhere so that you've got a prior engagement, and take some time to think.

this maybe. seems to me that she's leaving things out

He's not.

This is so typical of men!
They don’t understand why you’d be upset at being excluded, seriously?!
If it’s a tiny ceremony with only witnesses, I could kinda understand, but then it should just be your DH invited, it’s very personal to exclude you from the ceremony and exclude your other son from everything !
Saying to not tell people is so childish too, like family members won’t talk!

Why would anyone want to do that?

It's not unusual for non-blood children to be excluded. You hear of it so much on mumsnet, and I dont think it's good. However, excluding you, is perplexing.

The fact that BIL seemed surprised that DH told you, makes him seem a little odd and I'm wondering if he's got a grievance with you?

Bloody weddings

His son is an adult and he was given an invite. It's not up to the father to decide who gets to go.

The brother and nephew are perfectly fine with it.

Using relatives to blackmail your way in to a ceremony that you weren't invited to is manipulative, though.

I’d want more info. If it say parents, siblings, nieces and nephews only because there’s a limit of say 15 I’d be ok with that. If I had been excluded but other sil hadn’t I’d be raging. I’d also be annoyed my son hadnt been included. And disappointed in my husband for not understanding that.

There’s issues regardless how a couple do it because everyone has an opinion and view of what a wedding should be and what their relationship is with the bride and groom regardless if the view is mutual.

People often forget/ ignore how stressful weddings are to plan and how expensive it can easily get.

Someone always gets their feelings hurt regardless of circumstances.

Couples elope to not have to deal with the stress and expense and people get upset over that.

Couples spend a lot of money on a wedding with everyone invited and people moan about
how much money was spent because xyz wasn’t what they themselves would door to their liking.

I don’t think I’ve been to a single wedding or heard about a wedding where there wasn’t someone moaning about something.

Someone invites me to a wedding, I don’t care what part it is, I’ll show up if possible and celebrate with them and then go home because it is not about me.

"He is however, going to ring brother especially and ask if elder son and partner could be included in the reception if possible."

I assume that you're going to offer to pay for those two extra people? The words "brass" and "neck" spring to mind.

Wondering if those posting that OP is unreasonable to be bothered about this are also the cool wives that post their indifference to their partners' lunch dates etc with other women, esp colleagues and hobby friends

This.

Don't be so ridiculous. He probably wanted it kept quiet until invites were sent out, not until the wedding day. 🙄

No, it's not.

You probably shouldn't take this so personally, think of your blood pressure.