Husband and son invited to wedding me only reception

[Frasierfan]

Husband came back a few weeks ago saying he had news! His brother had told him he was getting married. Delighted.

When I saw brother in law I congratulated him and he asked me how I knew. Husband wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Husband didn’t think this applied to me.

The invitations are out. Three envelopes, for husband, younger son and me. Not one for my eldest son from previous relationship who has been in husband’s life for two decades.

I thought it was odd that we had separate envelopes. I thought they were getting married in a hotel. Then younger son opened his. It turns out they are marrying in a registry office but I am only invited to Reception. I am really pissed off and not a little insulted.

I want to know details of who is invited to actual wedding and if there’s constraints etc.

Husband won’t ask.

AIBU

U go together or
not at all. So
disrespectful.

Not necessarily. Sounds like something that may be done is some middle east or Asian cultures

If your husband is decent he will decline.

I am not 100% sure I see the issue with the adult step-son not being invited. It’s weird they don’t you at the ceremony but they ARE inviting you to the more costly bits.

Haiku of sorts? 😂

That's absolutely ridiculous. Firstly couples take priority surely, over your children.

Its like some kind of bizarre primogeniture thing going on.

I have a cousin who did that to my dad. These people walk among us. Parents had been married 40 years. Just plain rude.

At the registry office you are only allowed a small amount of people. I am one of six siblings and at my brother‘s wedding none of us were invited, because they invited people from each side that was super important to them. Unfortunately, you have to be ruthless when you choose Who can and can’t come. . Be grateful you’re being invited to the reception, cause if you kick off you’ll be uninvited..

Nobody is entitled to go to a wedding, so I’d just follow the invites personally. Sadly, it is a statement about who’s who at that point in time. If you’re feeling brave, ask BIL yourself? But be prepared to get the answer you already have; you aren’t on the same level for them as perhaps you thought.

l’m so over weird restrictions on weddings …it doesn’t reflect well on the bride or groom …. No kids, no ex’s , no stepkids etc Don’t even start me on what the couple want you to buy for them or whether they want cash or not . Maybe l’m just a romantic but there are so many posts on here where someone’s upset , it seems a shame that just getting married isn’t just a joyful occasion for everyone who loves you . If you can’t afford that just have witnesses and throw a party !

Eh? They're obviously just limited on budget/numbers like most people planning weddings. You can never please everyone

I don't thin she sounds either pushy or entitled. She and her family have received a mess of an invitation which has created discord and navigating what to do is tricky. To leave out the older son is particularly mean spirited and her husband sounds absolutely limp. Limp husband could ring his actual brother and find out what's going on. And why.

This makes me heart hurt. It's mean and without thought. If your husband doesn't back you on this, it's a struggle.

It's a shame so many people are more interested in the reception than the actual marriage ceremony.

Without knowing who is actually going the registry office part, I think it's difficult to say.

@Frasierfan "My husband is not happy with me and neither is my younger son. They cannot see why I would be bothered over half an hour ceremony. Husband keeps repeating this." Well, if that's how they feel about the "half an hour ceremony", they shouldn't be bothered about missing it either and you can all go to the reception as a family unit (including your eldest DS and his GF).

No idea why you are so put out, loads of registry offices have very low numbers allowed. If you don’t want to go don’t go, but don’t cause a rift between your hubby and his brother.

I totally agree. And the fact that OP's BIL told OP's DH not to tell anyone is a clear demonstration that he knew it would cause discord.

Why on earth would her child be going, he isn't related to the bride or groom. Weddings are expensive, people are going go prioritise who they are close to.

My husband-"that it is appalling. All go for all of it or they should all stay home." Bad enough that bil had disrespected and hurt you. I hope your husband actually had a pair and gets this sorted.

Only an insufferable Karen would do that.

You are kidding? Give it some thought. This is absolute disrespect. And if DH goes she should consider her future week him

He absolutely should miss the wedding. Is he married to his brother or his wife? This is shitty behaviour

Isn't using "Karen" rude now? It's sooo pandemic era. 🙄

There probably isn't room for people who are more of a priority, and the nephew was invited. Her older son isn't related to the groom. Why would he get priority over someone significant to bride and groom.