Husband and son invited to wedding me only reception

[Frasierfan]

Husband came back a few weeks ago saying he had news! His brother had told him he was getting married. Delighted.

When I saw brother in law I congratulated him and he asked me how I knew. Husband wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Husband didn’t think this applied to me.

The invitations are out. Three envelopes, for husband, younger son and me. Not one for my eldest son from previous relationship who has been in husband’s life for two decades.

I thought it was odd that we had separate envelopes. I thought they were getting married in a hotel. Then younger son opened his. It turns out they are marrying in a registry office but I am only invited to Reception. I am really pissed off and not a little insulted.

I want to know details of who is invited to actual wedding and if there’s constraints etc.

Husband won’t ask.

AIBU

It is indeed a universal rule. OP is offended by being deliberately excluded and most of us understand why. You are entitled to believe otherwise, and make exceptions in your own life, but that's not relevant to the OPs problem.

Yes unfortunately I hink this making it all about yourself attitude and getting offended is a big part of what is wrong with modern society and it seems tbe getting worse not better.

If he thinks you shouldn't be bothered over a 30 min ceremony, neither should, and not go

Yes, you should really try not to be so deliberately offended that someone is absolutely standardly upset about being excluded deliberately in a social situation where the vast majority would expect to be included, and that nearly everyone agrees with them.

You're so deliberately offended that you keep attempting to dodge and weave and change the subject, when one argument is shot down, up pops another unreasonable argument that has no bearing on the issue.

It's ok that you don't get it, the majority do.

True that, it's only a 30 minute ceremony, right? According to some that's no big deal.

Won't matter if he misses it then.

The BIL doesn’t like you and doesn’t view you as family and he certainly doesn’t see your eldest son as family.
So what is your husband going to do

All the men are staying at the hotel the night before, partners can come but must eat separately?
This is all really odd.

Absolutely not

There is no such thing as a universal rule for wedding invitations. Maybe conventions in the past, but times have moved on. Everyone can choose the wedding they want. If anyone feels obligated to overspend to invite people they aren't particularly close to because of outdated social norms, that's their choice. Other people don't feel that way. We choose our spouse, our families have no say in this. We can create a family with our spouse and still remain a part of our family of origin, the people we grew up with and experienced our formative years with and enjoy experiences with them. The two aren't mutually exclusive. Ultimately a spouse is replaceable, many people have multiple. Siblings and parents are unique. To force anyone to choose over something so trivial is unforgiveable.

Don't be silly. It is universally accepted as a rule, so it's a universal rule. No need to be so offended at this simple, factual statement or tie yourself into a pretzel trying to redefine words 😅

It is, of course, not trivial at all to most of us and not at all to the OP, and your feelings on the subject don't change that at all.

Nobody is being forced to do a single thing. The rude, offensive groomzilla can do as he chooses. OP can react as she does. that's how it works.

Oh I'm not the one who is offended. Just highlighting the statement is in no way factual, it is subjective. The only people who are offended by the situation are OP and the hysterical masses who don't know her, but must feel insecure in either their relationships with their partners or positions within their in-laws' or their own families.

My understanding of the post was that OP was actually trying to force the bride and groom to invite her son and his partner when it is apparent they didn't want to. She is entitled to be offended all she wants and others are entitled to think it's ridiculous, that's how it works.

I'm in no way offended. The OP is offended, and others on her behalf. I just thinks it's sad.

Here we go round the Mulberry Bush, the Mulberry Bush, the Mulberry Bush...

It's not sad, and most disagree with you. You are entitled to your opinion, and I disagree with it.

Oh, you are very much are :) The hyperbolic use of the words "hysterical masses" and interjection of projection where you attempt to claim that your insecurity is felt by others shows your offended ire.

And nope it's a fact that it is a universally accepted rule that spouses are invited together to weddings. But you already know this :)

So, again, bil can do whatever groomzilla, offensive nonsense he wants. And OP can react as she chooses. That's how it works.

😂 oooookay then. Whatever you think yourself

Good, I am glad we are in agreement :)

I hate it when people tell someone something and tell them to keep it from their spouse!
My MIL used to do this ALL the time… then my (now ex) DH would get angry when I commented about something that was happening (that he hadn’t told me about) as if I should have known….. for example an aunt sent us 2 Christmas cards… I said ‘oh that’s funny we have two Xmas card from aunt X’….. and I had my head bitten off that ‘how is it funny - she had dementia!!!!!!!’ …… to which my response was that I didn’t know that!! And he said ‘oh well mum said not to tell you!!
I find it odd that people expect couples to keep secrets from each other! If there is something I don’t want someone to know, then I wouldn’t tell their partner either !

Anyway with your situation…. I’d guess the groom just wants his brothers and nephews there and maybe the bride is only inviting her immediate family and not her in-laws too….
I’d guess that your elder son, while welcomed when he lived with you, is now deemed an adult who has flown the nest and not necessary to invite. It doesn’t sound like he plays golf with his uncle - so maybe he is assuming that he wouldn’t be bothered about attending?!
I wouldn’t get husband to casually ask the groom anything, I would make the decision to either just go along to the reception as invited to do so… or to just decline the invite completely and tell your DH that as they can’t see issue with you not being invited to it all, then they won’t mind you not attending any of it at all…. After all it’s ‘only’ a wedding!!

Only dh at wedding - possibly if chosen reg office and smallest wedding for cost which I think is 15 people including bride and groom so 13 guests

but all including your son should be invited to reception

If they're splitting families apart then you'd think they'd have the decency to explain why on the invites.

Is the bride in fear of being overshadowed or something? What's your relationship like with her?

I wouldn't be going at all in your situation.

Could you please head to your local registry office, try to get into a ceremony you're not invited to and report back to us?

Alternatively, post us a link to the law you're referring to?

I would not got at all, I’d tell your husband fuck your brother and his wedding and don’t ever bring him to my house again and I will not go to any of his events ever again.

I just wanted to add I wouldn’t be upset about not being invited to the wedding, I’d be hurt they didn’t include my son even though he has been part of the family since he was small, therefore I wouldn’t attend.

Your DH has a very mean and arrogant DB who appears to have been deliberately cruel here. He must have known this would cause upset, and your DH needs to decline and ask him why he’s done this .

Agree with all this! The usual attempts at people trying to be contrary about this just look a bit silly.

I think church weddings are technically public events that all parishioners can attend? Not registry office ones though.