Husband and son invited to wedding me only reception

[Frasierfan]

Husband came back a few weeks ago saying he had news! His brother had told him he was getting married. Delighted.

When I saw brother in law I congratulated him and he asked me how I knew. Husband wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Husband didn’t think this applied to me.

The invitations are out. Three envelopes, for husband, younger son and me. Not one for my eldest son from previous relationship who has been in husband’s life for two decades.

I thought it was odd that we had separate envelopes. I thought they were getting married in a hotel. Then younger son opened his. It turns out they are marrying in a registry office but I am only invited to Reception. I am really pissed off and not a little insulted.

I want to know details of who is invited to actual wedding and if there’s constraints etc.

Husband won’t ask.

AIBU

It’s just my honest opinion and your username is indicative that you would feel differently 😂

Hehehe

A - men really aren't arsed about going to weddings but will happily turn up for food and drink.

B - he seems to have missed the memo that actually the ceremony itself IS the only really important bit of the entire thing.

I wouldn't use that word, but it's an odd take on marriage don't you think? To believe in it enough to want it for yourself, but not believe in it enough to invite other married couples as, you know, a couple...

I wonder if shortly after this wedding, OP and her DH invited the BIL to dinner but deliberately did not invite his new wife because she isn't real family and they don't have room for her round their table, what would be the reaction? Maybe the BIL would be completely fine with that, but I think it's unlikely because in the real.world the vast majority of people do not invite one half of a married couple to things unless there is some.massive backstory of fallings.out.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn....😂😂😂

It sounds like your BIL is relishing this opportunity to show you and your eldest son that you're not really family. He thought your husband shouldn't have mentioned his brother was getting married? Nuts.

You cannot ask him to include your son at the reception though. That would be so rude. I'm not sure I'd bother going to the reception as a second class guest at the event. Why would you want to be there now knowing how he sees you?

This! It’s all very bizarre & I would feel hurt in your position.

@SnappyJadeJoker , the SibILs would be ok about it, I'm sure but the 2 PFBs would kick-off. The MILs the same. Prima donnas, the four of them.

Really? You wouldn’t be embarrassed to ask for an invitation to an expensive personal event for your son who has no real relationship to the couple, and is an adult who has moved out of home?

Even if that wouldn’t embarrass you, would you then be able to ask for aforementioned adult to have a plus one and still feel you had any dignity left?

This!!

That's not I'm talking about. I'm saying op should not be embarrassed by feeling upset by this. Anyone with any emotional intelligence would have explained to the op the reason why she was not being invited. Unless their is some back story that we are not being told this is shitty behaviour of BIL and husband.

Also we don't know about the relationship between the older son and the couple who is getting married - others have asked op and they haven't really answered this yet - so we can't assume that he has no relationship until told otherwise.

Thankfully, my in-laws aren't arseholes and they would never put my husband and I in this position.

These kind of threads pop up here regularly.

I don't understand how do people have that much headspace to care about shit like this so deeply. Do you really care about your BIL and his wedding THAT much? Do you like him enormously, can't bare to skip his wedding or something, does it make such a difference to your life?

Just don't go if you don't want to. I don't think anyone would care that much if you don't attend. Not saying that in a nasty way, but think about it, you're not a family member, you'd be one of many guests, either you're there or not - would that make a difference?

You're invited to the party. The best bit. What's the problem?

There's no way I'd skip my brothers wedding, so I'm with the husband. And you have zero right to forbid your adult son from attending his uncle's wedding, if he wants to.

You other son is not BIL's family. If they're not close, I fail to see why should he be invited.

I wasn't invited to my blood-uncle's wedding. Neither was my father, his brother. I don't even know the reason why, and I seriously don't care. Didn't make any difference to my life.

People are saying Inam avoiding questions

I have known both brothers in law for two decades. We have never had a cross word. BiL getting married only has daughters other BiL has a son and a daughter.

We have a good relationship with them. They are both divorced and the relationship with the new women is different than with their original wives as obviously people are older and have more established lives of their own but no problems at all.

Re: relationships with my elder son. They were always kind and polite but they definitely had to be promoted to include him but happily did . He was initially not invited to niece’s wedding but her father ((not one marrying now) did sort it with ex.

The groom knows my son as well as he knows his nieces. All of the brothers go out together for the football and sometimes they are joined by sons including my son.

This BiL sees my younger one separately with DH for golf.

Both brothers in law come in and are exceptionally affectionate towards me.

All brothers and nephews are staying in hotel the night before with male cousins and male friends. Partners can use rooms as well but they will be eating separately.

They are not misogynists, very polite and generous.

I do believe in traditional etiquette and protocol when I am forced to think about it at all. I like weddings and believe we should go as a unit. I believe in-laws are family,

My son should not be sidelined after 20 years because of DNA. I accept people think asking for a plus one , for his partner of four years who BiL knows and has met is contentious but I bet the other cousins have them.

Again my DH and younger son are lovely and I am lucky but they literally don’t have a clue why I am upset.

i wouldn't give a shit about this its a few mins in a registry office!! you can relax for 2 extra hours and have a nice meal and party

DH was told not to tell anybody not just me but neither of us thought that included me.

I think a relevant question would be what is the other sister in law doing? Assuming there is one, of course.
this will answer the question of whether just you have been excluded or not.
am i right in thinking that your DH and DS have been invited to everything but you have only had an evening invite? Or a wedding breakfast invite?
you eldest ds has nothing.

If capacity for the ceremony is limited then they might have used some criteria that makes sense to them!

I don't think it's an occasion that necessarily necessitates being with your OH, especially when you will be meeting up for the reception.

Yes! This is the bit I find strange too.
I understand about not inviting a 26year old nephew. (Though I often find that all and sundry get invited to evening dos)

Sounds like they're having a stag do before, during and after the wedding.

Very strange goings on. Is the bride actually invited?

Any chance your younger son is actually a groomsman, hence the ceremony invite? Since they do seem to socialise.

Its one thing if is a new partner who has not been on the scene long. But to issue different invites to spouses or cut out step children who are part of the family is really shitty behaviour. I would not go out of principle.

Well I would hope that just the fact that your eldest son isn't invited, then you will all decline.

This BiL sees my younger one separately with DH for golf.

Maybe that was his criteria for who he invited to the ceremony!

OP's husband and son are part of the cult, no chance they'll not go.

The fact they all go golfing together makes things make a bit more sense now. Still a bit weird, but I think this must be the reason your son is going and not you. They could have simply explained this, but there we go.