To not expect to pay

[Gilesmummy]

We moved into a new house which needed lots of work. I got a quote for repainting my kitchen cabinets and my friend said we can help we won’t charge anywhere near that. It was said with humour so I assumed they meant they would help as friends. The husband has been doing the cupboards over a period of four months. It’s not a huge kitchen he has just taken forever.
We let him get on and didn’t push him as we thought he was doing it to be nice.
He has made a dreadful job, so as they’ve come back I’ve redone them myself and not said anything.
now today the wife,my friend, has told me she will be bringing the invoice over on Tuesday
We never really discussed payment (how much or if they were charging ) it never occurred to me that a friend would charge.( He is a retired 80 year old joiner ) Often we’d said add it to the invoice jokingly and my husband has said to them we will take you out for a meal to say thank you. if I was paying I’d have wanted it done properly and sooner. It still not finished and I was planning to redo it all myself and not tell them how bad a job it was.
am I being unreasonable in not expecting to pay and how do I deal with it?

Did you buy primer?

@Gilesmummy He never gave us the chance to say no

He did give you the chance to say no when they said “we won’t charge anywhere near that.”

The next question from you should have been “Ok how much would you charge?”.

He would have said £20 per door and you’d have said no thanks.

This whole thing went wrong when you decided that when they said they would charge less they actually meant they would do it for free.

And when we tried they wouldn’t say. What more can I do? It’s my kitchen but they refused. Some people do t like talking.about money he could have sent us a text with an idea of price. I wouldn’t dream of charging a friend no matter how long it took if I’d offered in the first place.

I did ask. Several times!

You said in the OP:

We never really discussed payment (how much or if they were charging ) it never occurred to me that a friend would charge

And now you say you did ask. So which is it?

Either way - you clearly didn’t get a written quote and drill down on the price or at least the rate before it started. And that’s where you’ve gone wrong.

And this seems to be because despite telling you they would charge you you thought they wouldn’t.

I'm struggling to grasp the idea of expecting an 80 year old man to do free DIY at one's house.

For that alone, YABU.

Have you paid him OP? What do you plan to do

You wouldn't have to say that though, would you? You'd have got other quotes after the first crap cupboard and said "thank you so much for your offer, but I've actually found someone who can get it done quickly for a better price than before, so we are going to go with that and get it out of the way"

You both took a big risk with the friendship when you arranged this without clarifying the terms. You should have said when the subject came up originally, that you were expecting to pay to have the job done and ask for a quote. They should have offered a quote whether you asked or not.

Hindsight on someone else's behalf is a wonderful thing. 😉

I honestly don't think you should pay. What are you going to reply?

@Gilesmummy
It’s all very well everyone on MN saying what they would have done….. but honestly that’s pointless now!
What’s done is done.
Moving on, you could say that you had a quote for £xx, and that you said that you’d love to do us a favour and help us out and do it much cheaper. But actually, it took you ages, the original quote was for three days, and you’re actually charging us £xx more!! We don’t want to fall out about this but the paint you’ve done is already bumpy, lumpy peeling etc….. we’re happy to pay you £xx for your time, but seeing as it’s (peeling!) …. I’ve got to pay to have it redone.
If you want to maintain the friendship…. We could go out for dinner…. etc… open a bottle, have a good evening and not worry about kitchens!!
Maybe this is worth a try?

This kind of confusion is pretty common among friends. I have a friend who did several days of fencing and the other party not only assumed it was free but then charged him to dewax his ears. The "add it to the bill" comments could easily have been assumed by either side to be jokes. It's no good using hindsight to say this has gone wrong, it's done. Rest assured OP, some of us in these kind of relationships with friends understand how you got here.

Are you going to pay, or wave goodbye to the friendship?

£600?!? Look the friendship is over, you and your husband are forever going to be pissed off with them over this. I would just tell them straight it wasn’t done properly, he messed about and took months to do it and its not a proper finish. I would offer £2/300 and call it quits.

Have they come round with the invoice or texted you the price? If they spoke to you in person, have you told them it’s more than a professional has quoted?

This is so crazy to me.

Surely you’d say- hey before you start work can you tell me the price? And then when they poo poo you , you insist. And if you’re happy with not insisting then you suck it up.

It’s a shame but your politeness has bitten you in the ass!

It’s a shame but your politeness has bitten you in the ass!

This.

I can never understand the coyness over money. I would have said 'Jim, please give us the cost before you start so we can weigh up our options'.

This is on all of you involved. 4 months casually popping in, to do a bad job, and you go along with it!! You must have seen the standard of his workmanship after the first cupboard, yet you still said nothing. Baffling.

Sure, but being too stupid to stop an elderly man wasting his time doesnt justify not paying him for it.

Any which way this goes the friendship is over.

I think he has a cheek and would be pointing out he said "it would no where near" the professional quote which was 3 days and £550.
And its not.... its £50 more took 4 months require multiple lunches and the standard was so bad you've had to repaint it.

Personally I'd outline the above and give him £200 or £250.

If you dont intend to pay my advice would be to not respond in writing or text acknowledging the invoice or that you agreed to pay him.

So what have you done OP?

She paid him