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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not expect to pay

171 replies

Gilesmummy · 13/11/2025 18:22

We moved into a new house which needed lots of work. I got a quote for repainting my kitchen cabinets and my friend said we can help we won’t charge anywhere near that. It was said with humour so I assumed they meant they would help as friends. The husband has been doing the cupboards over a period of four months. It’s not a huge kitchen he has just taken forever.
We let him get on and didn’t push him as we thought he was doing it to be nice.
He has made a dreadful job, so as they’ve come back I’ve redone them myself and not said anything.
now today the wife,my friend, has told me she will be bringing the invoice over on Tuesday
We never really discussed payment (how much or if they were charging ) it never occurred to me that a friend would charge.( He is a retired 80 year old joiner ) Often we’d said add it to the invoice jokingly and my husband has said to them we will take you out for a meal to say thank you. if I was paying I’d have wanted it done properly and sooner. It still not finished and I was planning to redo it all myself and not tell them how bad a job it was.
am I being unreasonable in not expecting to pay and how do I deal with it?

OP posts:
Houndsahollering · 15/11/2025 07:25

Im trying to get my head round why, if you weren’t happy with the standard of the work didn’t you say something at the time?!!! You’d have known it wasn’t what you wanted surely after seeing the first couple of finished items.
You could’ve put a stop to this bloody months ago but instead you’ve let it play on and on.

And I’m with other posters that yes you absolutely do have to pay - at no point did they say they’d do it for free, in fact they categorically said they’d charge. Just because you wouldn’t charge a friend you can’t assume the same in response.

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 15/11/2025 07:49

Lesson learnt I’m afraid.

Icybird56 · 15/11/2025 07:59

What on earth possessed you to think he was doing this for free .
That would not of been my conclusion from the situation
But I have a friend like this ,she is very entitled and gets people to do things for her all the time..where as I never expect a free anything,I always expect to pay .

Supergirl1958 · 15/11/2025 08:14

Gilesmummy · 13/11/2025 18:47

I never said to invoice us.. if I had paid a professional at least I would have had grounds for not paying. It is a really bad job he’s done. I suppose it’s down to both of us not being exactly clear at the beginning.

Show quote history

I think it’s clear that they would invoice you though, regardless of the tiny bit of drip feeding you’ve done after the OP with the lunch etc.
If they are friends I also see no reason why you had to drop your plans to allow him to continue. Also the fact that he’s an 80 year old man and you allowed him to fit kitchen furniture is astounding. I would have been polite but brought in the professionals. I feel as though you’ve allowed your friends to do this despite there being evidence of a charge. Casually hoped they would forget and said you would buy them a meal, all to save money. I would love to save money on my kitchen, it’s my next big job in a house we’ve lived in for nine years but unfortunately we just can’t afford to! It needs to be done properly!!

I think you’ll either have to suck it up as you say, or be prepared to lose friends!

LilyGeorge · 15/11/2025 08:18

TrustedTheWrongFart · 13/11/2025 18:31

we won’t charge anywhere near that.

Seems quite clear that there would have been a charge.

Yes, I’d have assumed a charge too, especially given what seems to have been weeks of work, dinner out doesnt really cover that level of effort.

It’s all muddle though, as they should have provided you a quote up front.

I presume you’ve already paid for the materials given you thought the labour was voluntary?

I think you are going to have to pay it.

GehenSieweiter · 15/11/2025 08:20

'We won't charge anywhere near that' clearly doesn't mean it's free.

Imdunfer · 15/11/2025 08:21

My answer on what to do here depends on how big the bill is. Can you let us know when you get it?

Since you did ask as the job went on and they wouldn't say I still think there is a possibility (I hope so) that the invoice will say "dinner for 4 at Luigis".

Rewis · 15/11/2025 08:38

At first I was thinking that they clearly stated they would charge. But then the fact that they would brush it off when you asked how much, indicates that they might not. But since they refused to give a number up front, there is space for you ro negotiate. It will come down to how much you appreciate this friendship.

SweetnsourNZ · 15/11/2025 08:42

Gilesmummy · 13/11/2025 18:44

Thanks everyone. We have asked several times “ how much is this going to cost us then” but it’s been brushed off. I thought if we knew he was going to charge then I would have stopped him. My husband is furious. The guy always turned up at lunch so we made him lunch, he would turn up unannounced and then expect us to drop everything so he could get on. I think I’m more hurt that a friend would even think about charging another friend. Guess I’ll just have to suck it up.
I wouldn’t have dreamed of charging them for anything I do.

Sounds like the friendship is already over from your pov anyway so bring up the issues with time and workmanship if you wish. I do think you owe them some money though, as you didn't speak up at the time.

DaisyChain505 · 15/11/2025 08:43

I really don’t know how people get themselves into these situations.

Your friend literally said “we’ll charge way less”

That literally means they’d be charging you but less.

How did you think that meant free.

SwimBikeRunBake · 15/11/2025 08:50

I think you should pay something, as you have said you weren't expecting the work to be done for free and have asked several times how much it is going to cost. But how much you pay is open to negotiation. You weren't provided an estimate at the start and so weren't given the opportunity to agree or reject. At the same time, no work should have started before the price had been agreed, and preferably in writing.

So this isn't just on you, it is on both parties. You shouldn't have let him start without agreeing a price, and he shouldn't have started work without the price being agreed.

I would wait and see how much the invoice is for then take it from there. But you don't have to pay the full amount if you think it's unreasonable as you didn't agree a price.

EarringsandLipstick · 15/11/2025 09:01

Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/11/2025 19:15

So. Many. Mistakes. 🤦‍♀️

I would not have assumed, free. You should have clarified if they were joking or really wanted the job.

You def should not have accepted the poor work.

What I would do now is message,
Look, we really misunderstood. Our fault entirely.
We thought you were doing a favour, at your leisure over all these months, not a job for pay.
We have re-painted the cupboards because they were not done well. We didn't tell you because we thought you were doing it for free. Again, our fault.

We will gladly pay for your materials' costs. Please provide the receipts. We still want to take you for a meal to thank you for your kindness.

You might be losing this friendship, though.

This is perfect.

ZenNudist · 15/11/2025 09:07

So you think a friend should paint your kitchen cupboards for free?? Wow.

Your own fault you didn't talk about the finish at the time

Alittlefrustrated · 15/11/2025 09:08

we won’t charge anywhere near that.
It was made clear at the start, that mates rates would apply. In other words, you will be paying , at a discounted rate.
YABVU. You should of spoken up about the quality of the work immediately. "Oh, sorry Jim the Joiner, that's not the look I'm after, thanks so mych for trying to save us some money though".

RunMeOver · 15/11/2025 09:09

It's an eternal mystery to me how some people can be so bad at the most simple communication about money.

JingleBongle · 15/11/2025 09:12

It’s on you. Who does anything for free? You sound like a CF. It’s your home so you should never have let him start without a proper conversation. You were happy enough to allow him to work but don’t want to pay. Entirely on you.

JingleBongle · 15/11/2025 09:12

RunMeOver · 15/11/2025 09:09

It's an eternal mystery to me how some people can be so bad at the most simple communication about money.

And these are always the people who are finding themselves in these situations. Always a problem follows them.

Olive567 · 15/11/2025 09:15

You've created a problem through not being very explicit in your communication. I agree, it's a mystery to me how people get into messes like this.

MyTrivia · 15/11/2025 09:15

No, if they wanted payment then they should have agreed a price with you before he started, not after he made a pig’s ear of it!

What a difficult situation to be in - I don’t envy you. Since if you don’t now pay them, the friendship will likely be over.

pictoosh · 15/11/2025 09:22

Wrong of you to assume he wasn't going to charge. Think it was made clear there would be one...just less than the quote from elsewhere.

On the other hand, four months to make a mess of some kitchen cabinets? They are arseholes if they think that's acceptable. Turning up at meal times and expecting immediate access whenever? Fuck off.

So you have two choices...refuse and lose the friendship or pay up and hang on to it.

I'd be pissed off too.

Howwilliknow122 · 15/11/2025 09:25

Slothey · 13/11/2025 18:32

Oh gosh, I’m afraid you’re being rather a CF. He’s done a lot of work for you, unless he was crystal clear that he was doing it for nothing, you need to pay.

I wouldn't go this far but this is why u just dont agree to accept help from friends in this way. To me some help is coming for an hour to help me move some furniture, help is not paint my whole kitchen for free or equally charge when its been done badly. Op if it were me, id wait for the invoice and go from there. If its a couple of hundred quid ( i cant see it will) then maybe just pay it... if it's in the thousands maybe you negotiate what your willing to pay if anything at all. Good luck!

pictoosh · 15/11/2025 09:42

If you like your friend and the invoice isn't a lot, pay it and consider it a lesson learned.
Don't get friends in to do skilled work when no price or timescale has been explicitly agreed.

You imagined he would paint the cabinets properly, in a timely fashion and for free. Just to be nice.
Think about it. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

I feel for you...it's awkward and aggravating. You won't do this again.

Susiy · 15/11/2025 09:43

I think the best thing to do is pay up at this point as it has dragged out over 4 months or longer.

If you were unhappy with the quality of the work (he is a joiner not a painter) then you needed to say this very early on.

Letting him continue to do work on your kitchen "to be nice" was not the right thing to do and now you need to pay the consequences.

Willcancelagainsoon · 15/11/2025 09:49

If someone tells you they are going to charge you why on earth would you think it's a joke. How odd. If he was doing a bad job you should have said something months ago and not let him waste his time because you thought it was free. YABVU.

QueenClinomania · 15/11/2025 09:53

It was crystal clear they were expecting you to pay.
And deeply dodgy that they didn't tell you how much

And daft of you to let him carry on

But now you do have a choice. You can point out everything thats wrong with it and say you will pay the invoice when all of those things are corrected. And it will be the original invoice because you won't pay to have him fix his poor work.