Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not expect to pay

171 replies

Gilesmummy · 13/11/2025 18:22

We moved into a new house which needed lots of work. I got a quote for repainting my kitchen cabinets and my friend said we can help we won’t charge anywhere near that. It was said with humour so I assumed they meant they would help as friends. The husband has been doing the cupboards over a period of four months. It’s not a huge kitchen he has just taken forever.
We let him get on and didn’t push him as we thought he was doing it to be nice.
He has made a dreadful job, so as they’ve come back I’ve redone them myself and not said anything.
now today the wife,my friend, has told me she will be bringing the invoice over on Tuesday
We never really discussed payment (how much or if they were charging ) it never occurred to me that a friend would charge.( He is a retired 80 year old joiner ) Often we’d said add it to the invoice jokingly and my husband has said to them we will take you out for a meal to say thank you. if I was paying I’d have wanted it done properly and sooner. It still not finished and I was planning to redo it all myself and not tell them how bad a job it was.
am I being unreasonable in not expecting to pay and how do I deal with it?

OP posts:
Willcancelagainsoon · 15/11/2025 09:53

Gilesmummy · 13/11/2025 18:44

Thanks everyone. We have asked several times “ how much is this going to cost us then” but it’s been brushed off. I thought if we knew he was going to charge then I would have stopped him. My husband is furious. The guy always turned up at lunch so we made him lunch, he would turn up unannounced and then expect us to drop everything so he could get on. I think I’m more hurt that a friend would even think about charging another friend. Guess I’ll just have to suck it up.
I wouldn’t have dreamed of charging them for anything I do.

You are absolutely ridiculous. You were told there would be a cost. If you want to assume friends owe each other free labour that's entirely on you. I don't owe my friends hours of free painting. I have chosen given up two days to help friends paint for free but I never told them I would charge them. If I had said I would charge them of course I would expect payment. Are you always such a CF?

BoundaryGirl3939 · 15/11/2025 09:55

That's irritating OP but you'll have to pay. I wouldn't get him to do any more jobs.

The drawn out process would have gotten on my nerves too. Be interesting to see what they charge.

ConnieHeart · 15/11/2025 10:01

You could always give them a promissory note (sorry, couldn't resist. Just thinking of a recent thread where the OP was trying to get out of paying for car repairs 🤣)

PumpkinSpiceAndEverythingNice · 15/11/2025 10:02

How much were you quoted originally, and how much are they invoicing you - is it significantly less than the original quote? I wouldn’t mind paying if it was a small amount, but not if it was only slightly less than the quote that would have been professionally done.

fatphalange · 15/11/2025 10:05

I think you should just pay him to go away at this point if you’re needing to to go over all his shoddy work yourself. How many more months is he going to drag this project out for? Could be his age, not up to it any more but he’s having to carry on until it’s done. I’d be thinking of ways you can just draw a line under this now

MyTrivia · 15/11/2025 10:11

Gilesmummy · 13/11/2025 18:44

Thanks everyone. We have asked several times “ how much is this going to cost us then” but it’s been brushed off. I thought if we knew he was going to charge then I would have stopped him. My husband is furious. The guy always turned up at lunch so we made him lunch, he would turn up unannounced and then expect us to drop everything so he could get on. I think I’m more hurt that a friend would even think about charging another friend. Guess I’ll just have to suck it up.
I wouldn’t have dreamed of charging them for anything I do.

If you asked how much it was going to cost and he refused to tell you then it’s even more unreasonable of him to expect you to pay now imo.

MyTrivia · 15/11/2025 10:12

It also sounds like he’s been doing it so that he can go somewhere for lunch for 4 months lol

MyTrivia · 15/11/2025 10:16

PumpkinSpiceAndEverythingNice · 15/11/2025 10:02

How much were you quoted originally, and how much are they invoicing you - is it significantly less than the original quote? I wouldn’t mind paying if it was a small amount, but not if it was only slightly less than the quote that would have been professionally done.

The OP said that when she asked how much this was going to cost, he ‘brushed it off’

rwalker · 15/11/2025 10:20

Being honest and just nosey how much has he charged u

OneFunBrickNewt · 15/11/2025 10:21

As adults, that's on all of you to have been clearer at the start.
As I read your account, it was clear there would be some sort of cost. Much easier to get a professional to do it. You will need to pay.

niailwwn · 15/11/2025 10:21

I got a quote for repainting my kitchen cabinets and my friend said we can help we won’t charge anywhere near that. It was said with humour so I assumed they meant they would help as friends

This was obvious that they were going to charge and at this point you should have asked how much he would charge for doing it. Then he could have come up for a price or said he didn't mind doing it for free in return for a meal out or a return favour or whatever.

It's all on you I'm afraid.

Change2banon · 15/11/2025 10:22

rwalker · 15/11/2025 10:20

Being honest and just nosey how much has he charged u

OP doesn’t know as the invoice is not arriving until Tuesday … it says it right there in the OP 😵‍💫😵‍💫

Hons123 · 15/11/2025 10:22

Slothey · 13/11/2025 18:32

Oh gosh, I’m afraid you’re being rather a CF. He’s done a lot of work for you, unless he was crystal clear that he was doing it for nothing, you need to pay.

This

PandorasJam · 15/11/2025 10:26

If you're lucky, and as they have 'brushed off' the question of price, maybe the invoice will just be for the cost of paint. Wait till Tuesday.

OneFineDay22 · 15/11/2025 10:27

Sorry I think if you were planning on redoing it, you should have stopped him. You’ve been letting him waste his time, and inconveniencing yourselves at the same time.

If it’s a friend thing and I wasn’t happy with the quality of the job I’d say “Oh thanks for offering and for everything you’ve done so far, but honestly don’t worry about it - just come round to visit and I’ll get whatever food/entertainment in.”

The fact you’ve let this go on so long with so many “jokes” about payment seems like this is one for you to take on the chin, unfortunately. And don’t let it happen again!

eta, that last bit felt like I was telling you off haha, it wasn’t meant like that, just like that’s the best you can do now is not let it happen again. Also, him turning up when it wasn’t convenient would have been a perfect opportunity to say “Oh, we can’t have you painting right now, why don’t we just forget about the painting altogether!”

Picklelily99 · 15/11/2025 10:28

"Often we'd said 'add it to the invoice'. So you did actually ask for an invoice.

Joeylove88 · 15/11/2025 10:42

You cant change the fact that is was clearly bad communication at both ends so what you now can do is tell them you arent happy with the quality of work thats been done so you dont agree with the invoice cost and wont pay until its been done properly. You shouldn't have to pay for work that you are going to have to redo yourself! You have grounds to make this argument with them at least.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 15/11/2025 10:43

we won’t charge anywhere near that.

That clearly means they will charge, just not as much

MCF86 · 15/11/2025 10:44

You let an 80 year old man do hours of work, with no intention of paying him?

SailingYachty · 15/11/2025 11:00

Im so confused as to why you thought someone would do work for you for free. It’s their job!

NewPersonHere · 15/11/2025 11:02

If you want to remain friends, then pay them (but not over the amount you were originally quoted, and only after it’s actually done properly). However, these are not friends, so you’re within your rights to fall out with them over it and not pay.

Catwalking · 15/11/2025 11:03

If it were me, think I might say; soz, currently can’t afford much as I had to do it all again… perhaps you’d like to come over for supper as payment? we’ll even provide the wine! (😉).

MargaretThursday · 15/11/2025 11:39

we can help we won’t charge anywhere near that.

Often we’d said add it to the invoice

You thought you were saying jokily. They didn't, but from the first I can't really see how you thought it would be free.
You assumed because they were friends that they couldn't possible charge you. That's you being cheeky.

It's irrelevant that he did a bad job, in your opinion, although I'm also wondering if you've added this in to try and make yourself look better, because it's odd that a trained joiner does such a bad job but you can make it better after he's gone - so clearly not that skilled to make it better.

He has made a dreadful job, so as they’ve come back I’ve redone them myself and not said anything.

If you could do it yourself, then I'd also think you were bring pretty cheeky letting him turn up, over a period of four months, and let him get on with it. If you'd been doing it together as two couples over a couple of weekends and having lunch and a nice social time then that might be different.

Before he started you should have asked him for a quote, insisted that you were using his skills so he must charge, and let him make a decision on mates' rates for his wife's friend.

Rewis · 15/11/2025 11:58

For op's defence. I feel like a lot of times when I've asked old people "how much do I owe you" and they dismiss the question. It usually means they won't charge. If you are going to charge to the point where you will bring an invoice, you should tell the price. Yeah, op shouldn't have assumed but it is not all on her. He knew his price and refused to tell, op is not obligated to pay that price cause there is no agreement.

KathyDuck · 15/11/2025 12:06

He’s 80?