The dreaded Christmas dinner

[Aprilmaymum]

So no idea what we will do this year for Christmas dinner. My parents invited us all for the day. On the very same day my DP had a call from the in-laws also inviting us for the day. The issue is they the in-laws were on holiday last year and my parents were unwell so we stayed at home. I have suggested why not they all come to mine but the in-law say no as they want us all there and brother in law and his family also and my parents want us at there’s are my two brothers are also going .. I don’t want to upset any of them. DH says we should go to mine for the morning and then his for the afternoon. I don’t think that is fair on our three DC who are very young. I did suggest maybe Boxing Day with one but both parents want us there for the dinner. Any ideas. ?

You just alternate years with either side. I thought that was pretty standard. Pick one for this year and let the other side know you'll be there next year.

Just pick one and altenate if that makes sense. See the other on Boxing day. I cannot stand all this handwringing about having a set roast dinner on a set day with set people - it's far more Christmas-spirity (in my mind) to extend the festivities and cheer for multiple days and see multiple people (if that's what you want).

We only go either set of parents if they have no other siblings attending, so my rest on your situation is you get to stay home and have Christmas your way with your little ones in their own space 🎉

If your DC are still young, would they enjoy staying home and having Christmas with just your immediate family, like last year. They would be able to relax and play with their new toys.

Then invite both sets of parents over to you for Boxing Day. Maybe have a buffet or party style dinner.

You have young kids, let them enjoy the day in their own house with their own stuff. Other adults are free to call in if they want.

If you’re wanting to choose one or the other, I’d be inclined to go to your parents since you were meant to see them last year but they were poorly. In laws opted to go on holiday, so they must understand that you don’t see each other every year (they weren’t planning to see you last year). They’ll have other family with them anyway, so won’t be alone. Offer to come for Boxing Day or host at yours for everyone.

My deal was one year with his, one year with mine, and then one year at ours.

Then his family went to shit, my family just got too fucking awful, and we said that we were having Christmas at ours, everybody welcome, just let us know.

And peace reigned - for us anyway!

If you can't make everyone happy, then make them equally unhappy. . .

We used to alternate years, but I've put my foot down recently and said no. We stay at home, so the kids have christmas at their own home and anyone who wants to come to dinner is welcome (this usually ends up being my family, as they live closer) so it's evolved that we spend boxing day with my PIL.

I just have to keep repeating that Christmas is a season, not just a day :) and Christmas Day should be centred on the children (where there are children around).

I voted YABU for not prioritising what you and your kids want. It is your Christmas! It’s not all about what other family members want. You need to start alternating if you are going to see other people but this year is prioritise your parents as they were sick last year.

My kids absolutely hated not being home Christmas day. We did it once but other than that every Christmas we spent in our own house. People came to us if they wanted. Once you are firm with your rules people fall in line.

When your kids are young I think you fight your corner and stay at home so they can enjoy opening and playing with their presents at their pace.

You either alternate years (flipping a coin is the only fair way to decide this year) or you have Christmas at home (which I personally thinks works best with young children). I can’t stand adults who get upset because they feel they are owed your time on Christmas Day.

Christmas at home. Say "No" to both.

Who asked first? Go with that 👍

If you have young kids they are going to want to stay in their own house with their new toys.

Then do Boxing Day with one family and New Years day with the Other.

You can't tie yourself in knots trying to keep everyone happy - you and DH and your kids deserve to have a peaceful day too. Just pick one and tell the others you'll come to them next year. Who asked you first? Or you can just flip a coin!

Stay at home. See one lot Christmas Eve and the other lot Boxing Day

Stay at home. Everyone will be equally moany and it's therefore fair. Kids will have a nice chilled Christmas

Announce that while the children are small and in the Santa phase you're staying at home on Christmas Day. You get to say 'No, we want this' as well, you know.

Three year rotation is the other option. Your own house, one side, the other side.

Whoever asked you first gets this year then alternate

Prioritise yourselves and your children. Look to start alternating Christmas/Boxing Days each year (or whatever rotation works). If either set of GPs kicks you a stink then stuff it, stay home, avoid the grief!

Dont go to either. We used to alternate but now the children are at the age they want to play with their new things we stay home. MIL comes to us, my parents are welcome but wont come, so we see them another day. I love not travelling Christmas day!

Personally I feel it’s how much time you spend with them both during the course of the year that’s important not one day.

Due to having this same issue and not being able to cope with the sulking from either side we always have Christmas at home just the four of us. Kids prefer to be with their presents and not travelling anyway. Spend lots of time with both sides of the family both on the lead up to and after Christmas. My mum moans but I distinctly remember this being how mum and dad did it when we were small too!

Stay at home and don’t get sucked into alternating years.