The dreaded Christmas dinner

[Aprilmaymum]

So no idea what we will do this year for Christmas dinner. My parents invited us all for the day. On the very same day my DP had a call from the in-laws also inviting us for the day. The issue is they the in-laws were on holiday last year and my parents were unwell so we stayed at home. I have suggested why not they all come to mine but the in-law say no as they want us all there and brother in law and his family also and my parents want us at there’s are my two brothers are also going .. I don’t want to upset any of them. DH says we should go to mine for the morning and then his for the afternoon. I don’t think that is fair on our three DC who are very young. I did suggest maybe Boxing Day with one but both parents want us there for the dinner. Any ideas. ?

Go NC with all relatives

Put your kids first. Create your own family traditions.

Stay at home!! People are free to join you if they wish, but you have young children who deserve to enjoy Christmas in their own home. Other people can do the travelling if they want to.

They all want you there. But the most important thing is - what do you want? What is best for your family?

I'd stay at home so your DCs have a lovely Christmas day in their own home without rushing around keeping everyone else happy.

Invite them all to yours on Boxing Day or visit one on Boxing Day and one the day after. I never understand the obsession with the 25th of December being the only day good enough to see family. Bizarre. Seeing them on 27th will be just the same. It's not as if any of them will be sat home alone with a ready meal on 25th is it?

You can never please everyone. I don't have any solutions.

As soon as we had our first we made it a tradition to stay home. So if kids are young it’s not fair to drag them away from all the new shiny toys they have got.

So my parents come to us, my in laws also come to us. On Boxing Day we had a buffet with my parents and brother, SIL and kids.

Do what is right for YOU and YOUR family

Most of our family live close by so quite easy to split time (although my Hubby's parents and brother are no longer with us so it is mainly my family) Christmas Eve is a large buffet tea at our house for whichever family members can make it (can be any number from a dozen to 20+)
Christmas morning has always been just Hubby, me and our children (our daughter now has family of her own so they alternate staying with us and her partner's family) after dinner we go to my Mum's, usually my sisters and their families are there and we swap presents. When my in-laws were still alive we would go there for a light buffet tea and more presents from them and my brother-in-law's family, now we come home to have a quiet night in front of the telly, although this year it might not be as quiet as it's our turn to have our daughter and her family stay with us so there will be a giddy 2yo Grandson in the mix.

Christmas at yours anyone is welcome to come. If they don't that's on them.

We never went anywhere on Christmas day even before kids.
Christmas eve we saw in laws and boxing day we saw my parents.
We didn't invite my parents christmas day because they always preferred to stay home even when we were kids. My in-laws spent every christmas day with one sister and stayed over then went to other sister for boxing day.
One year we asked his mum and dad for christmas day and she said no as they always go to Mary's. Dh was a bit upset as we asked in January so months of notice. We spoke to Mary and she said "i wish they would fucking go somewhere else as they'd never had a christmas day with just their kids.
Someone is always upset so best just to suit yourself.

Ultimately someone is going to be upset here.
we had an alternate Christmas arrangement. One year with the in-laws and then the following year with my parents.
if that is what works for you then insist on it.
Were the in-laws on holiday last year because it wasn’t their year or was it just that you have no alternate arrangement and they just did what they wanted. Similarly, were you meant to see your parents but didn’t due to illness?
in all of this is anyone thinking about what you two may want? It’s your Christmas too. Have a chat with DH to decide what you want.

one year we had 1 xmas dinner at one then evening another at other set of relations, we felt so full we felt ill never again.good luck

Did you never watch the vicar of dibley? 🤣

Stay at home and let the children enjoy Christmas at home with their presents. We always have Xmas at home and the option is there for people to join us. Personally, I dont like giving the kids presents and toys, then taking them to someone elses house, and them not playing with their new toys on Xmas day.

Stay at home and leave them to it

We alternate sides each year. My children really wouldn't want to spend christmas at home with just the five if us. They can do that all of the time! What makes christmas special for us is being surrounded by family.

must of missed it

We have young children and have Christmas Day at home. Both sets of parents welcome, sometimes they come, mostly they don’t (we have lots of siblings). We spend Christmas Eve with one side and Boxing Day with the other.

Lots of variations of the same thing, just pick what works for you.

This. Let your children have Christmas in their own home

Neither! Stay at home and enjoy the day with your children and husband.
This comes from a mum that prior to my child's second birthday spent every christmas with my parents. Selfish to some...but I want to see my child enjoy christmas with me and dad, I dont eant to have to drag him away from his presents to visit x y and z.
We have an open door, more than welcome to visit us, come for dinner etc however I am not leaving my home whilst I have a young child/ believer.

We don’t get invited by anyone & we’re quite easy going & children are well behaved. You’re lucky to be so popular & in demand! We have offered to host but nobody wants to come either 🤷🏻‍♀️

dont go to either. Do your own xmas

I'd stay home with my children who want to be at home for Christmas.

If grandparents live nearby, offer one Christmas Eve, one Boxing Day. Or invite them to yours. But I wouldn't be dragging my young children round to both houses on the day.

I would start by considering if you (as a family) prefer to visit for Christmas or not. If you do, pick one (toss a coin if there's no clear winner) and alternate.

If you prefer not to visit, then tell both sets that your hosting your own Christmases, but you'd love to see them on Christmas Eve/Boxing Day/ NYE/for a Christmas show/whatever. You can also choose a three way rotation. There is no magic answer.

I would not be darting between houses on Christmas day because I would not enjoy that at all. It will feel rushed, you're still "denying" one set of parents the prime Christmas meal spot, and there's a fair chance of things screwing up so you end up way too late at the last house or you forget one set of presents or you leave a DC's favourite gift behind at the first house and they're inconsolable at the next, etc

We are also in this rut of alternating families on both Xmas day and boxing day. It drove me nuts for so long we now do Xmas at home on 24th or 27th depending what else is going on, and just treat 25th and 26th like going to someone’s house for a big lunch. It’s definitely taken the pressure off.

I would do exactly this - it’s Christmas for you too.