The dreaded Christmas dinner

[Aprilmaymum]

So no idea what we will do this year for Christmas dinner. My parents invited us all for the day. On the very same day my DP had a call from the in-laws also inviting us for the day. The issue is they the in-laws were on holiday last year and my parents were unwell so we stayed at home. I have suggested why not they all come to mine but the in-law say no as they want us all there and brother in law and his family also and my parents want us at there’s are my two brothers are also going .. I don’t want to upset any of them. DH says we should go to mine for the morning and then his for the afternoon. I don’t think that is fair on our three DC who are very young. I did suggest maybe Boxing Day with one but both parents want us there for the dinner. Any ideas. ?

Honestly, as so many others have said, spend the day at home with just you, DP and DCs. They’re the ones to prioritise (don’t be guilt tripped).

I’ve always thought that the older generation of parents/in-laws had years of doing exactly what they wanted when their own kids were little (or years of trying to keep everyone happy but themselves). IMO it’s the one day of the year that kids want to be at home! And the one day mum and dad can have a drink without one being there the designated driver.

We used to spend the day at home because the DCs loved it, had an open invite to anyone who wanted to drop in (no one did usually, because they also wanted to stay at home!!) and did a whole family get together at some other point.

I understand that grandparents would like all their kids and grandkids together for the day, but there’s 364 other days to arrange something!

Given your update, I'm assuming the siblings that are travelling in are here for a few days and not just the 25th, and that as a whole you get on with inlaws etc, I'd try and sort something so you can see both families over Christmas , if it's unlikely all family members will be together over the next few Christmases. You can't be in 2 places at once on the 25th so can you arrange something with one side on one of the other days but do ensure your kids have plenty of time at home to play with their new toys. Or stay home on 25th and arrange a day with both families another day

You could just tell both sets why - that you can’t be in two places at once as they might just understand

Whose turn was it for Xmas 2024? Your parents or your in laws? It’s not your fault they were sick / on hols.

Just go to whoever’s turn it is this year.

Plenty of similar responses but:

Stay at home with your children. Every year. You are a little family and you spend Christmas Day with that little family. Your children can have an un-rushed day, relax in their pyjamas, watch a movie and play with their toys.

We spent years visiting parents, dragging our little one along after present opening to visit both sets of parents (alternating dinner with each) We would leave the house around 10:30am and arrive back at home around 9:30pm. Everyone tired and grumpy, both sets of parents disappointed that we hadn’t spent longer with them. Daughter disappointed that she hadn’t had chance to play with her new toys. I said no more last year. When we were both little we spent our Christmas Day at home. People came to our (parents) house.

Everyone lives local, has access to a car and knows where we live. If they are that desperate to see us they know where we are and are more than welcome to come over at any time that suits them. That won’t happen as they will have to change their routine.

This year we are putting our daughter first.

You're gonna have to either pick one this year and do the other next year, or stay home

Or you go to your parents and he goes to his, and take which kids wanna go to which

Or...... book a holiday on xmas.

Reading this thread, you’d think no one enjoys spending Christmas with their families! If OP would prefer to stay home, then that’s one thing - but don’t stay home just because you can’t choose OP. Just do one this year and the other next. And I’d prioritise your parents, since they invited you last year but were unwell. I have little patience for parents who go on holiday for Xmas then expect people to drop everything on the year they’re around.
I’ve got young kids, and whilst we enjoy Xmas morning at home, I’d genuinely be sad if you told me we had to spend the whole day at home just us - that’s just every weekend. My kids love going over to grandparents/aunts/uncles houses, esp on Christmas.

Thank you for your thoughts. I have told both sets earlier and they were a bit upset but equally understanding, which made me then feel bad. We are going to arrange a meet up before or just after.

The whole point of Christmas being a 12 day festival is that there should be enough time within the 12 days to celebrate with everyone who is important to you. It's ridiculous to try to fit everyone into one day. It is still Christmas a few days later. In your position I wouldn't accept either invitation. Stay at home on Christmas day, visit one set of parents for a few days from boxing day and the others for a few days after that.

This year I’m spending Christmas Day at my in-laws and Boxing Day at my parents. Next year it will swap - if my parents decided to go away next year, that’s fine - but they will “miss” their year to host Xmas day.

Christmas is in my house..i also used to cook Christmas in my Mams house but she died suddenly 7 years ago so now it's only mine..one of my brothers and 2 sisters lives in UK,I live in ireland and they come home every 2nd year..I don't ever go there for Christmas..my other brother my cousin and her daughter come every year aswell..some years there's about 15/16 others 10 and I love it..my kids are grown now youngest is 16 and next is 18..older 2 are moved out 27 and 29 have own husbands and a child each..they will come to mine ..everyone loves this and are happy with it ..

You can never please everybody so just please yourself.

This sums me up aswell and my daughter! My FIL actually said you’ll resent driving around different houses as he did! I did 4 years of taking turns (2 turns at each sides) and that was it, it was fair so no need to do more. I got so annoyed that my daughter barely had time to play with her toys she was excited about getting until the next day because we were out most of the day!
It was my parents turn that year and I said we will only be visiting and having dinner at home from now on because I wanted my daughter to have longer at home. Now we don’t leave until around 3pm and we’re home around 7pm! It’s so much better and much more laid back.
You just can’t please everyone and im not spending Christmas Day pleasing adults instead of my child! Christmas is about the kids and Santa

Honestly you can’t please everyone. You could totally please one side and the other would feel left out and vice versa. Your young children are the only people you need to please. Christmas’s are so special when they’re little and you don’t want to look back thinking you put the older generation first when they had their special Christmas’s with their kids. It’s your turn now. I did all the ferrying round and taking turns for dinner and it’s not kid friendly, it’s people pleasing.
Now I cook dinner myself and we leave at 3pm, visit 2 houses only (grandparents on each side) and back around 7pm. We’ve still seen people but doesn’t take up the full day! We used to leave at 11am and back around 8pm. That’s such a long day and let’s face it, kids would rather be at home with the toys they asked Santa for than sitting round houses.

Put your feet down now, and tell both sets of parents that you're staying home on Christmas Day from now on, but you'll see them both on Boxing Day, for brunch/ dinner at yours.