The dreaded Christmas dinner

[Aprilmaymum]

So no idea what we will do this year for Christmas dinner. My parents invited us all for the day. On the very same day my DP had a call from the in-laws also inviting us for the day. The issue is they the in-laws were on holiday last year and my parents were unwell so we stayed at home. I have suggested why not they all come to mine but the in-law say no as they want us all there and brother in law and his family also and my parents want us at there’s are my two brothers are also going .. I don’t want to upset any of them. DH says we should go to mine for the morning and then his for the afternoon. I don’t think that is fair on our three DC who are very young. I did suggest maybe Boxing Day with one but both parents want us there for the dinner. Any ideas. ?

This in spades. Say don’t want to upset anyone and everyone welcome to come to us for say a buffet Christmas eve, or come round to see DC Christmas morning or a buffet on boxing day but decided to stay home on Christmas Day.

Do you all live close by? Hire a church/village hall or similar, ask everyone to bring a dish (might need a bit of organisation), get a 2 - 3 trustworthy guests to deal with party games/music, kids games. Hire cleaners for Boxing Day. Ask both sets of parents/other relatives for contributions. If you ask them for ideas make sure they don't overlap to avoid arguments.
Retire to the couch with the phone/email nearby until Christmas.

Stay at home. Don't alternate years.

If you really want to see both tell them both you can't come and whoever is more gracious gets the visit 😅.

These are your children's Christmases, where would they have a nicer time?

thank you everyone for your responses. Sorry I am late replying we had a power cut. Not fun when your dinner is in the oven !
I offered to host but as I said both parents have other siblings over with family. In laws are around 30 mins away and my parents about 40. So not exactly that local. I am going to do what the majority suggested and say we are staying at home this year but they are more than welcome to come even if it’s for a drink. I know they will be upset especially my parents but it is what it is. Thanks again

I hope you have a lovely Christmas and well done for doing what is right for your little family.

Accept all invites then fake an illness and stay home

Tell them all to piss off. Just do what you want. This is why I despise Christmas - it’s a tinsel-covered turd lobbed at everyone every 12 months.

They will just have to be upset. It’s your Christmas too, and your three children should be the priority.

Don't split the day, you're right it's not fair on the kids (or anyone TBF)
Flip a coin if you must but pick a side or just stay home on your own and see them another day 🤣
That's what we do with two young ones now... Avoid the drama!

This. Alternate or go when you are single.

Once you have your children go start of December to one and start of January to the other and then have Christmas in your own home.

Tell both sides you’re staying at home having enjoyed it so much last year and that you will see one side on Xmas Eve and the other Boxing Day. Sorted.

Just do what YOU want to do, Once I had kids they became my priority at Christmas. Which meant staying at home in our own little bubble. Plenty of other days over the break to visit family.

If you have children, definitely stay home in your own house. It’s not fair on them otherwise. Tell both sets of parents the are welcome to come to you, and if that doesn’t work for them, then tough!

Hope you have a lovely Christmas.
We always stay at home for Christmas Day and visit or host in the days before or after.
Best of all worlds.

Although in your situation, I might be tempted to accept an invitation to lunch - a 30 minute drive would be less than the time I would spend cooking, and it would mean we could have a more relaxed morning with the Dc without worrying about peeling potatoes etc.

That's exactly what I would do!

Who did you go to the year before? Whomever that was, it’s the other sides turn this year. Was it yours?

How far are they both from you? Christmas eve have a takeaway at yours or one lots
Home for xmas eve night and Xmas morning play with toys etc
Go to whoever has younger children visiting so your littles can play with their cousins. Rock up for lunch with no prep, have a drink, play games with family
Boxing day see the other side for a buffet either at yours or theirs

Alternate if you wish or don't. Just say the travel is a bit much on the younger ones but you look forward to seeing them on boxing day or you could host a new year's eve party buffet. If there's lots of young children in the family I would enjoy it for the kids playing together. If it's stuffy and boring and all adults who want to do exactly the same stuff then I wouldn't
But I'm from a big family and loved huge Christmases. Harder now everyone can't afford a big house though and people are more spread out

We stayed at home due to parents being poorly and in-laws on holiday. The year before that I was in hospital giving birth. We get on so well with both of them and understand their reasons too. One of my DB is back from abroad for the first time since he left and my mum is desperate to have us all together and my in-laws have their other child too coming over who lives the other side of the country. Both are not selfish people and I know will understand it is the guilt really. I feel we may Ruin their Christmas Day 😟

When I was little we would get up (me and brother) all excited then mid morning we would have to go to one set of gran parents because Santa had left some things there.

After a couple of years my mum declared she had had enough, she would cook Xmas dinner, everyone was welcome but she had had enough of takin children away from their Xmas present.

make a choice, it doesn't have to be the same every year, but while your children are little they are not going to want to go to gran and grandads.

You can have meal with siblings another day.

You have no need to feel guilty about this OP. It’s one day that’s special for your children and you don’t need to feel bad about prioritising them (and what YOU want) above what others would like. I’m sure if siblings are visiting from a long distance away you can get together with them either before or after Christmas Day.

Your parents and in-laws both want all their children together for Christmas Day, why is that more important than what your family wants to do?

Please just stay at home and let your kids play with their gifts If they are young they will want to play. They are only little once and to be honest, I think younger kids find the traveling around after all the mornings excitement too much. Visit family on the following days. Explain nicely to the family your 3 young ones are excited for their gifts and when they are older, and it's easier to explain to them why they need to leave the house Christmas day then you will be joining them.

So you are willing to ruin your own? But not anyone else’s. Your brother wants you to go to your mums but that want doesn’t cancel out your want to stay at home. He’s not more important than you are.

We have stopped visiting on Xmas day. We stay home now. It's not forever but with 3 children 4-8 they deserve it, toys to play with, their own memories to make. Anyone is welcome to come to us. Xmas eve and boxing day we are happy to move about. But Xmas day, we are staying home until they want to start visiting again.
I suggest you stay home this year and have a think about what you want your family Xmas to look like going forward. It sounds like both parents have other guests so you aren't leaving anyone alone. Just stick to your guns. It's nice to spread out the visits and extend Christmas.

We stayed at home every year so that the children could play with their presents.

But you can have a Xmas meal together as a family on the 27th or 28th etc.