AIBU for not inviting parents for Christmas Day?

[Starballoon]

We have my parents over every year. There has been the odd one for various reasons but I honestly think it’s no more than twice in over 10 years. It means over a 3 1/2 hour drive as they won’t stay over. They never help just sit there and I find it not only physically but emotionally exhausting as they can be hard work. My DH knows how difficult it is and is fine whatever I choose. It’s also the first time since both my kids don’t live at home (uni). I just want a peaceful easy Christmas Day just the 4 of us. Would it be unreasonable to ask them to come over another day over the holidays? (I don’t get much time off work).

Did you read the pist, they don't drive, OP does

I think that should make it easier then as they do have an other option and if they say a thing point them in siblings direction.. One thing I would do though op is stop with the “have to” you don’t have to - if they could get themselves to you would you want them? So they could get a taxi. They could stay over . Suppose be prepared for that , people are suddenly able to do things you didn’t think they could when they want to!

or if you cannot face telling them then say you are going out for the day or away overnight. I dint normally advocate lying but if it gets you a peaceful day?

OP is the one doing the drive… not the parents…. They still don’t help

Ah sorry, I see you have to do the driving! I would absolutelyjust say you are exhausted and not up to spending half the day driving!

Could you suddenly have a bad back that precludes long drives?

I think either they stay over or it doesn't happen. Not fair to have to do that driving.

I did get them to stay once but they complained it was a hassle packing all their stuff and that they didn’t sleep well not in their own bed. My sibling having them just wouldn’t happen. A taxi to mine would be over £100 so wouldn’t happen.

Maybe given the choice between staying over and not coming at all, they might find your spare bed suddenly comfortable

Mum/dad we have decided we wont be driving on Christmas day so you are welcome to come but you would need to get yourself here and home what do you want to do ?

Would you be able to say this,

You drive to pick them up, bring them to your and take them back the same day ???!

Yes.

I wouldn’t expect them to get their own way here. I think I will have another chat with DH and see whether we offer them to stay or we do it another day either at ours or there’s.

Tell them it’s not do able. They seem to be expecting you to go out of you way and not make any effort themselves.

YANBU. Just be honest xx

Yes. Probably true.

Do you mind if they stay over at yours? If you don’t mind, I’d say they’re welcome to come and stay but you’re not doing all that driving in one day. If you don’t fancy them staying then just say you want a quiet Christmas with the kids.
Would it be an option to go up to there’s a few days later and go out for lunch or something instead?

I think knee op is your get-out-of-jail-free card - a few weeks after you might genuinely not be safe to drive and, even if you are, you can tell a white lie.

If they are that old, you must be getting on a bit yourself (nearly as old as me). An easy getout for all time.. "Sorry I really can't do it. Doing all that driving plus Christmas is just too much for me nowadays. Could we meet up at a restaurant near you after Christmas for a lovely meal together? I would really like to see you over the holidays despite the impossibility of Christmas Day."

Yeah just say we are having a quiet day on the 25th or something.

I’m staggered that you’ve done the journey that far to pick up and drop home on Christmas Day more than once. It means the DC have missed out on time with their parents and it doesn’t sound like the GP’s bring much to the occasion. Have you ever asked the DC how they feel about that? I think now is the time for a reset. You no longer get to see your DC day in, day out so it’s a good point to start some new traditions moving into adulthood with your DC. If you can’t visit DP’s in their home on an alternative day over Xmas can you go out for a meal locally to them so at least you’re only doing one return journey?

Perhaps you could do an early Christmas with them in a pub near theirs and get it over with

Can you suggest that you visit them before or after the 25th? Just say you'd like a bit of a quiet Christmas this year but still would like to visit them on one of the days.

It’s only the last few years they haven’t driven.

If they are miserable guests I doubt OP wants to encourage them to stay over even if that would make the driving easier!

Just be honest - the driving is too much, can you arrange to take them out locally to theirs another day.

Of YANBU!!!

I'm totally amazed that you ever do this! There's no way I'd spend 7 hours driving on Christmas day - not even for my beloved sister. Certainly not for my parents (who like yours are draining but in a different way - they just sit there miserably not contributing or even making enjoyable conversation!)

The knee op wasn’t me but another poster I was replying to.

She doesn't have to invent a bad back, it would be perfectly reasonable to tell the truth