To think this is the most judgy place online?

[jamcorrosion]

It feels like a parallel universe sometimes.

a while back I put a post up offering advice in my area of expertise- initially I got questions and answered as best I could. Then someone with the same expertise absolutely went to town on me about being unregulated and bringing the profession into disrepute and questioning if I was even qualified - then once one person started so many others jumped on. I was taking advantage of potentially vulnerable people, I’m not who I say I am, lots of concern etc etc, I was genuinely just trying to do a nice thing!

Not even just that - other threads about relationships asking for specific advice, most responses ignored the question and decided the person being asked about was lying and an awful person despite the OP confirming she had done due diligence.

It just feels like a place that’s supposed to be supportive and helping each other out, but I get the impression some people just like to put a negative on everything.

Not everything is bad and not every situation has more than meets the eye.

The worst ones are women judging women for daring to date whilst having children. I’ve seen comments saying things like ‘Put your children first for gods sake’ or variations of that. Since when is it not acceptable for a single parent to date?!

I just feel really disappointed sometimes when I read a thread - women should be supporting women. You can disagree without being nasty and judgemental. But we are our own worst enemies sometimes.

I can’t be the only one that has seen this?!

For the record: if someone said to me "this is the most X ever" in real life, and it was something I didn't agree with, I'd say "oh you've visited/seen/meet every X to judge?" and if they said they had a limited experience then I'd also call them out on that

It's still going on for me on this other thread. I am finding it a bit funny though because the question of the thread directly applies to the person's job who is having a go at me, she is being defensive and arguing against every sentence I post, because she can only see from her viewpoint. She is in job mode, while angrily arguing points with someone she will never meet who likely didn't go to her uni, because she has decided to take my random post as a personal attack. So she got defensive and attacked me, out of the blue, seemingly for daring to have not got a good enough job after Uni to be able to pay my loan back. It honestly doesn't show careers support at uni in a great light, so I am not sure why she thinks it is worth her doing. There must be a part of her that actually likes making people feel bad and small, which would suggest she is in the wrong profession.

You haven't been online much if you claim that.
Have you heard about 4chan ? Now, that is a proper judgy place, no holds barred.

OP: this is the worst forum on the whole Internet.
Also, OP: This is the only forum I visit.

This thread can't be taken seriously. Give your head a wobble, lovely.

Well someone had to.

You can't say that

Pointing out that OP has a very limited experience to draw on and therefore the accusation of the title is based on only one encounter on one website with no real basis for judgement is nasty and bitchy behaviour which makes her point 😒😒

4chan and Mumsnet are hardly comparable in their ethos!

That's not the point though is it?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5445143-justine-says-mn-is-too-mean-and-will-tighten-up-moderation

They’re doing it for sport, OP. The best thing you can do is ignore them. They’ll be doing it on multiple threads at once.

Yeah this is the best explanation of it I’ve seen - I’ve probably fed right into it even doing this thread haven’t I!!

This is good to know! And it shows that I’m not the only one noticing this! Hopefully it will become nicer. I have no issues with anyone disagreeing with me or anyone else. I just do not understand why anyone feels the need to be so mean. It just gives ‘mean girls’ vibes and reminds me how bitchy it was at school! But at least we were young and still learning. There’s no excuse for grown adults - it’s just bullying (I know that sounds dramatic)

I based my own observations on my own experiences - social media, Reddit, and here. I didn’t claim to have seen everything on the internet. There’s no need to pick apart every word or phrase I use that I thought was pretty obvious it wasn’t literal.

You don’t have to agree with me - you may have had a totally different experience than me and that’s fine. I don’t have to have visited every forum online to have an opinion.

Just disagree - be a grown up and explain and discuss like the site is intended for. I posted this cause I was interested in other people’s thoughts and experiences. Yes I’m sure there are other places I’ve not experienced that might make me think differently - so just say that?

Maybe the wording wasn’t perfect - I really didn’t think it would be this much of an issue! I thought it would be fairly obvious it wasn’t literal.

I don’t expect everyone to agree - that’s why I posted to get others opinions/experiences.

I don’t have a limited experience of the internet - but this is my personal thoughts and experiences. I’m not wrong cause it’s what I’ve experienced. It’s based on social media, here and Reddit. I’m sure there are other places I could get different experiences but that’s where I’m at.

It’s just the immediate picking apart of every word or phrase I’ve used - aren’t we all grown ups that can clearly see the point of the post

Yes this is exactly what I mean - I’ve used a phrase that wasn’t meant to be taken literally. I’m assuming most posters know that but pick it apart anyway.

The dehumanising is something I’d definitely agree with. It’s easy to be mean behind a screen. Would the same people still make the bitchy or mean comments if the person was stood in front of them? Maybe getting upset or clearly being affected by what was being said, would they still carry on?

Yep you are absolutely right, I am a single mum and asked if anyone had found love again as a single parent and got ripped to shreds for “not putting my kids first” never mind the fact I had been single for 10 years and my kids are teens, no I’m a selfish hussy who only cares about my love life not my kids 🙄 ive never seen this kind of judgement anywhere else and this is suppose to be a site for women! Put it on a Facebook group and all normal comments nothing like the ones on here telling me to wait till my kids are 18 🤣 (and I didn’t post on aibu it was lone parents board)

I’m so glad someone else has experienced this cause I basically got told I was wrong and single parents don’t get judged for this but we do!

I mean fair enough if you’re having lots of short term things and the kids are meeting every guy but the majority of us do not do that!

I very rarely go on a date these days - I’ve been single over three years and I’m very very picky now due to bad experiences in the past and obviously having a child means you don’t take risks you may have done at some point.

But I just don’t get the judgement - are we not still our own person as well as being a mother?! Yet the parent who walked away and has no involvement seems to just get away with it all!

I actually quite like being single now - I’ve learnt to be happy on my own and even if I did meet someone I’m not sure I’d ever want to live with someone again! I really value my own space.

Out of interest have you met someone and it’s worked out since being a single parent?

I think there can definitely be a pile-on mentality and some mumsnetters just like to be nasty. If yours was the accountant thread, I think it might have been due to some errors in tax advice or similar which another qualified individual sought to correct and seemed concerned people might follow wrong advice, which seemed reasonable although unfair when it all got too personal.

No I haven’t ventured out yet but the absolute disgust I got on here for daring to want to date again was unreal, I didn’t choose to be a single parent he left so I don’t deserve to meet anyone again until they are 18 🤣 never experienced this mentality anywhere else. Mumsnet thinks no single parent should ever date again it’s definitely not just you that’s experience this weird mindset.

I have literally never seen that attitude on here. No one thinks you’ve signed on for celibacy until your children leave the nest. What I have seen is people being told that they’ve introduced someone far too soon to their young children, which I have no problem with.

Yes that’s how I saw it - as soon as there is one negative comment a barrage starts

Yes it was that one! I did make a mistake and I corrected myself with another reply. I did a rushed reply and wasn’t concentrating. There was talk of me lying and being a criminal and taking advantage of vulnerable people! I was genuinely trying to be nice - I mean it goes without saying you don’t take advice off an anonymous person on the internet without checking it first but I thought it would be taken in the spirit it was intended.

I just thought I might be able to help out people who otherwise may not be able to afford professional fees there was no other motive. Then it was that I’m bringing the profession into disrepute and could lose my job and qualification which is just not true. It would be if I was charging!

It just really made me feel deflated - I was genuinely trying to be a nice person but theres always something negative that it turns into. I didn’t proclaim to be an expert in any specific area I just gave my background and said I would try my best to help. I mentioned to one reply that if they have extra income and already work a full time job paying tax via PAYE that I personally might not even declare the extra income - wow I was annihilated haha. I mean let’s be honest wouldn’t everyone take a bit of a win like that if they could get away with it? It was minimal money too I wouldn’t suggest that for anything significant. But that makes me a criminal and a tax evader. Maybe I shouldn’t have suggested it but everyone does it where they can obv in my job I see it all the time. It’s always the big companies that get away with it too

Well good for you! But I have, I have been single for 10 years and was told to wait till my youngest was 18.

That’s subjective though and a personal decision on a case by case basis.

My son met the last person I dated immediately cause we were friends going on play dates that turned into something else then we realised we were better as friends.

Also as a single parent - it’s hard especially when the other parent isn’t involved and you have very little free time. I’m not saying they should meet quickly but it’s not always simple

The entire assumptions that come with the title single parent make me so mad.

We should have chose better. We all don’t work and live on benefits. But if we do work we are shit parents.

We can’t date or do anything that isn’t for the child.

Poor, unsuccessful, bitter and won’t allow contact. Rinse dads for child support and spend it on our nails. I could go on

But that's a very limited experience and you went for hyperbole which did not come across as meant anything but literal

And that's literally what we have said - your limited experience means you haven't experienced the far, far worse places online