To think this is the most judgy place online?

[jamcorrosion]

It feels like a parallel universe sometimes.

a while back I put a post up offering advice in my area of expertise- initially I got questions and answered as best I could. Then someone with the same expertise absolutely went to town on me about being unregulated and bringing the profession into disrepute and questioning if I was even qualified - then once one person started so many others jumped on. I was taking advantage of potentially vulnerable people, I’m not who I say I am, lots of concern etc etc, I was genuinely just trying to do a nice thing!

Not even just that - other threads about relationships asking for specific advice, most responses ignored the question and decided the person being asked about was lying and an awful person despite the OP confirming she had done due diligence.

It just feels like a place that’s supposed to be supportive and helping each other out, but I get the impression some people just like to put a negative on everything.

Not everything is bad and not every situation has more than meets the eye.

The worst ones are women judging women for daring to date whilst having children. I’ve seen comments saying things like ‘Put your children first for gods sake’ or variations of that. Since when is it not acceptable for a single parent to date?!

I just feel really disappointed sometimes when I read a thread - women should be supporting women. You can disagree without being nasty and judgemental. But we are our own worst enemies sometimes.

I can’t be the only one that has seen this?!

Oh wow - think I’ll stay away

I have completely moved away from MN because of this. The fact your post has turned into what you’re talking about already just proves it 🙈 No happy person wakes up in the morning and thinks, you know what I’ll do, see if there’s a fragile new mum online that I could slag off til she cries! I’m naive but I just don’t believe anyone would do it in real life. You can only feel sorry for people that somehow put their phone down after that and move on with their day like that behaviour is completely fine 🫡

I can’t quite believe there’s a couple of people who have read my post - and immediately replied to either make out I’m lying or whatever and just generally be unkind, completely proving my point! I mean of all the places to out yourself! No I don’t believe anyone would do it in person either! One of the downsides of the internet

Yes of course! People seem to think single parents are being criticised for dating AT ALL when they're not. There's a big difference between dating and creating a blended family. Sorry you got those comments though. The only thing I've really seen is don't introduce a new partner to your kids for so many months. Which seems sensible.

You can’t have been on many forums if you think Mumsnet is other than comparatively mild.

Unfortunately, I think this is just how a lot of people are in real life, and because of the anonymity they have on this platform, people can say whatever comes to their mind, however harsh, horrible and judge it may be.
In real life day-to-day conversations, or on platforms like Facebook or Instagram, people are probably too ashamed to be as unkind, but here when they can change usernames as many times as they want, it’s a different story.
Don’t let it get to you, and just accept that some people are bitter and nasty for no reason.

Well it’s even more than that because people read things into what I say that aren’t there and when I try to explain it more, I’m told I’m lying and backtracking to make myself look better. It’s baffling why people (a) can’t see that they are making assumptions and (b) always seem to leap to the worst case scenario.

What did you actually want from this post?

I’ve noticed you’ve made quite a few posts in the thread about how you once offered advice about what you do for a job, so are you trying to get people to tell you how good you were to do that?

There’s an ulterior motive at play here, certainly. It can’t just be that you want a bit of attention?

Even the comments on YouTube are more judgy. Tattle and X will blow your mind.

It's not having a dig...

It's raising a solid point

I think I explained in my original post - no I don’t want to be told how good I am.

what ulterior motive could I possibly have?

this is exactly what I mean!! Just a bitchy reply for absolutely no reason.

Maybe I’ve just had a bad experience

Yes you’re probably right - even on this thread I’ve had quite a few bitchy nasty comments.

I honestly don’t understand why you’d read something and actively choose to be horrible

What solid point?

Yes I found similar - the more I tried to defend myself the worse it got: I had to just stop replying

That your title is hyperbolic nonsense with very little basis

And you're doing what plenty of others do on MN which is ridiculous:
People don't agree with you and make fairly standard comments about why and you jump to calling them nasty and bitchy etc
Which is pretty rude of you too

You deserve a bravery award for venturing there. Was shocked that it didn't make the banned list based on my last visit there and I only ever used gaming forums.

I don't find Reddit to be really bad at all but the posts in nice guys definitely help keep me from wandering off into the dark.

@jamcorrosion There is loads of women supporting women here. Have a look at some threads where a women needs to leave a relationship.

Even up to last year I would have disagreed but this site is growing nastier by the day.
Have just seen one thread where an absolutely horrible poster said to paraphrase 'disabled people who can't work should only receive enough benefits to have a basic existence' & she/he/it said the 'same applies to pensioners too if they can't work'

It just seems a bit weird that over the last year that MN is getting inundated with these cruel & nasty posters - makes me wonder if it really is bots or people employed to start the tiniest seeds of dissent that then grow & start to roll over into real life.

Netmums is starting to look saner than MN at times.

Good advice.

I remember your thread about being a life coach etc. and people jumping down your throat because you’re not a qualified / certified psychotherapist. MN generally doesn’t like people “grifting” and seeming to make money in too easy a way. Everyone has to struggle.

You don’t have to be a woman to post! So it’s just people judging people… but agree that this forum turns absolutely feral

But you’ve expressed an opinion on a discussion forum. The whole point is presumably to solicit other people’s comments and opinions. And people are perfectly entitled to challenge your viewpoint and disagree with you, potentially in quite robust terms.

It’s a bit odd to make what you admit is a somewhat hyperbolic statement and then object to people who argue with it.

OP: This is the most judgy place online

Also OP: I've nothing to compare it to.

🤨 There's been a sharp uptick in goady threads, though. Many such trolls do it better than this.

I totally agree OP. I’ve been on this platform for over 30 years and it never used to be this bad.