To think this is the most judgy place online?

[jamcorrosion]

It feels like a parallel universe sometimes.

a while back I put a post up offering advice in my area of expertise- initially I got questions and answered as best I could. Then someone with the same expertise absolutely went to town on me about being unregulated and bringing the profession into disrepute and questioning if I was even qualified - then once one person started so many others jumped on. I was taking advantage of potentially vulnerable people, I’m not who I say I am, lots of concern etc etc, I was genuinely just trying to do a nice thing!

Not even just that - other threads about relationships asking for specific advice, most responses ignored the question and decided the person being asked about was lying and an awful person despite the OP confirming she had done due diligence.

It just feels like a place that’s supposed to be supportive and helping each other out, but I get the impression some people just like to put a negative on everything.

Not everything is bad and not every situation has more than meets the eye.

The worst ones are women judging women for daring to date whilst having children. I’ve seen comments saying things like ‘Put your children first for gods sake’ or variations of that. Since when is it not acceptable for a single parent to date?!

I just feel really disappointed sometimes when I read a thread - women should be supporting women. You can disagree without being nasty and judgemental. But we are our own worst enemies sometimes.

I can’t be the only one that has seen this?!

You have clearly not been on X or so many forums where you can get a rape threat for merely existing as a woman.

Other women are not my worst enemies, not by a long stretch, so less of the 'we' and the 'our'. If you have an issue with opinionated strangers online who's sex is actually unknown, or you as a women think you're the enemy of other women, then there are actions you can take about both. But your hypocrisy in making sweeping negative generalisations about other women's negativity towards each other is glaring. Some people on here are not very nice. That tells you something only about that person and nothing about women in general.

To be fair, people shouldn't be seeking random online advice about serious matters- eg medical/legal issues etc etc

No idea what your advice was about and I am sure you meant well but encouraging people to take advice from an unknown person online is not a good idea. I have seen some flat out dangerous/wrong advice given out on this site.

Of course this place can be unkind at times but no more than any other place online - I've seen some horrible things on reddit for example. It's different to real life too because in real life people arent anonymous so they are thinking those things rather than saying them out loud which is why it probably seems harsher here.

That said, I do agree that being civil and kind to each other even when disagreeing makes the world a better place to live in and actually a civil debate can be really interesting and fun.

I have no patience for ' women are their worst enemies' arguments. I have to be on social media for my job, and I have got rape threats, threats to track my family down, dick pix from guess who?

Men.

However I don't agree with women should be supporting women. That implies there is a 'women's perspective' which is a very sexist concept. We don't expect men to all have one hive mind opinion on things so why expect women to do so. All society is judgmental, its not a woman thing. There are many women here with very different world views or opinions to me, I dont post mean things but I often strongly disagree. There are also many very bigoted women and women who lack critical thinking, and let's be honest some pretty stupid women too. They do not speak for me because we share the same sex. We are all individuals and should be treated as such, i won't compromise my views to support a woman merely because she is a woman

Exactly- so, because I am female, I have to agree with everything another woman says?

No. Thats patronising AF. I have seen immense support given to women by other women on this site too, I feel like you are deliberately ignoring this aspect.

Same here. The idea that my life has been negatively affected the most by women is absolutely laughable.

Men have been far more detrimental to me in terms of threats to my personal safety and being sexually harassed, being threatened online etc

But what actually is her point? She has nothing to say, except she doesn’t like this website and thinks other websites she’s never heard of might be better.

That doesn’t invite serious discussion, it just prompts people to comment to let her know that if she wants to get involved, she needs to bring something to the table and actually have something to discuss, otherwise she’s just wasting everybody’s time. I appreciate the irony of me wasting my own time to point this out, but I’m fed up of people making pointless posts on here. It’s the same as the people who reply and quote someone’s post just to say “this”. Idiots.

Lots of discussion on here. Interesting to hear about other SM sites. Interesting to hear about people’s opinions of Mumsnet and how it’s changed. Interesting to hear why ‘women supporting women’ should or should not be a ‘thing’. I think it’s a very valid point. You can discuss things in a civil manner without deriding what the OP chooses to post. Scroll on if it’s not for you. The irony is you feel obliged to police what you believe are ‘pointless’ posts, if they only allowed posts you deem valuable enough the where would we be? 🤣 I dread to think, I suggest you set up your own site for that.

Why should women be supporting women simply because we share a sex?
If I disagree with someone I don't care what sex they are.
I think disgareement should be respectful but in some cases people really do need a short sharp shock and AIBU often gives it to them

Why should women support each other? I was on a thread yesterday where a woman said she likes men commenting on her breasts in the workplace as they are just being 'nice'.

Bit hard to be polite in such circumstances, though I actually ignored her because I think she is a troll/ man/ both.

I would disagree with this. I actually think women's Reddit spaces are much more kind and civil (and also have excellent spelling and grammar) and that's because there is moderation. Actual moderation is the only way to deal with how awful people can be to each other on the internet imo. I come here because there is something unique but after a little break I've returned and realised it's just making me angry and sad

I gave examples in my original post of the type of things I’ve experienced recently - that’s what prompted the post

Yes but when I offered I left that choice up to other posters who may or may not decide to reply - I just found the nastiness totally unecessary - it might not have been well thought out but it was with good intentions!

I just think you can disagree with somebody and get that point across without being nasty, I do think a lot of it is cause it’s all anonymous

I agree with you - I was definitely generalising in my statements which looking back wasn’t the right thing to do! I like to think everyone should support each other, I was frustrated when I originally posted this, furiously typing and not really thinking!!

I call them vipers, ‘they’ are mostly keyboard warriors and clearly little to do other than intentionally antagonise and upset. I’m up for a debate and looking at other perspectives, that can be done in a very mature manner though.

And Americans

Not the Americans

I think you’re making the point for her

Alas yes they are among us

Yeah this is exactly the type of people I mean - I have no issues with differing opinions but I get the impression like you say that’s it’s intentional just to cause trouble. I don’t understand why anyone would think like that

It’s very easy to be mean and antagonistic as a keyboard warrior. I bet most of these people ( and the Americans) wouldn’t say boo to a goose outside of this forum. Maybe it’s a way of venting their anger and dissatisfaction at the world or maybe they are just not so nice people on real life.

That's exactly it - it feels spiteful and petty when they turn the thread into a "you personally must be the problem" attack rather than help what the OP has asked. The person going for me on another thread is telling me she is a careers specialist within a uni and that it was my fault for picking the course and not doing due diligence that I am now in a low paid job, not that the degree wasn't fit for purpose for it's intake. She just sounds like a deflecting lawyer with her blaming and finger pointing, nasty and the last person I would have wanted to spend precious time with while I was at Uni before rushing to do school pick up/do my dissertation. I'm going to take my own advice and not engage!

MN isn't a wholly women's space though
And is composed of various areas and threads which will have different levels of nastiness to helpfulness

Go into other areas of Reddit and you'll get a different tone too

It really is the only thing the works - the whole enjoyment of it probably comes from getting a reaction - so without one it’s just not as much fun - I hope!

I agree.

I think the difference between the online world and, say, a conversation with friends, is that friends would take your question in the spirit it was meant. They wouldn’t be value-judging every aspect of what you said and, even if they thought some of it was a bit silly or incorrect, they would find appropriate and kind ways to say that and judge you in the round, rather than pick you apart. I don’t think it’s unique to Mumsnet but rather just a feature of the internet.

I always think that some people commenting on internet forums have the online equivalent of road rage - because they can’t see the other person and aren’t engaging with them interpersonally, they unconsciously dehumanise them to a degree and interact with them in a way they never would in real life when they had the human being in front of them. Obviously this only applies to some people and many are still able to hold the human being in mind and be empathetic when commenting.