To think this is the most judgy place online?

[jamcorrosion]

It feels like a parallel universe sometimes.

a while back I put a post up offering advice in my area of expertise- initially I got questions and answered as best I could. Then someone with the same expertise absolutely went to town on me about being unregulated and bringing the profession into disrepute and questioning if I was even qualified - then once one person started so many others jumped on. I was taking advantage of potentially vulnerable people, I’m not who I say I am, lots of concern etc etc, I was genuinely just trying to do a nice thing!

Not even just that - other threads about relationships asking for specific advice, most responses ignored the question and decided the person being asked about was lying and an awful person despite the OP confirming she had done due diligence.

It just feels like a place that’s supposed to be supportive and helping each other out, but I get the impression some people just like to put a negative on everything.

Not everything is bad and not every situation has more than meets the eye.

The worst ones are women judging women for daring to date whilst having children. I’ve seen comments saying things like ‘Put your children first for gods sake’ or variations of that. Since when is it not acceptable for a single parent to date?!

I just feel really disappointed sometimes when I read a thread - women should be supporting women. You can disagree without being nasty and judgemental. But we are our own worst enemies sometimes.

I can’t be the only one that has seen this?!

They stick out like a misogynistic sore thumb. They get quite desperate on any threads about custody issues or child support and then there’s the sleazy ones with advice on how to enjoy sex and getting all upset about being ‘kink shamed’ 🤢

I am a man on here. Just signed up a few weeks ago. This is literally the only western chat forum I can access where I live, without a VPN.

And I like to chat.

I was not sure if men were allowed, but hey, I am a parent, and I have a male name in my tag, to make sure folk know I am a man. I have seen other men post on here too.

This place seems ok. Not left nor right, a fair mix. Like minded folk do appear to accumulate in certain places. Some posts on the gender critical thread can be somewhat shocking, but I stay away from posting in threads that are very much for women.

To the OP, I have seen loads of support given here.

I think there is one odd thing here in that many original posts have very little information in them, and other posters have to try really hard to squeeze more details out before they can try to offer advice, or an opinion.

Rather like the OP in this thread. How can anyone offer support when they do not know what the details are.

Man here, just to be clear.

If you feel posters were being judgemental to you in a previous post over your expertise, how can anyone really comment on that without knowing what the subject of that thread was ?

If you are a reflexologist for example, offering advice, then surely pushback would be expected ? An expert abuse therapist offering advice would certainly get less pushback, but even then, differences of opinion and all that.

This bit from your original post is worth a quote: "I just feel really disappointed sometimes when I read a thread - women should be supporting women. You can disagree without being nasty and judgemental. But we are our own worst enemies sometimes. "

Why ?

If I as a man said "Men should support me", would you push back on that ?

As the small print often says, "conditions apply".

I think it depends on what board you post but things MN typically hates are, blended families, men, people who claim PIP, all inclusive holidays, people who drive SUV’s and private schools.

You post about any of the above and you have to be prepared to have your arse handed to you.

Yes I agree it can be. And if a thread starts off negative with the first poster, it will be a pile on. Once one person has said it, there ka no need for varying degrees of nastiness on the same point. Quite often the OPs sound vulnerable as well. There was one yesterday where the OP posted around her partner and clearly sounded like she was struggling and there were some unhelpful comments. She said about it putting her child's boots on at 21 degrees and the amount of posters who were commenting on that (which was not the point of the post) was ridiculous. It was obvious to me that the OP wasnt in the UK, because where in the UK is 21 degrees at this time of year! It was just not nice or supportive. You can give constructive kind feedback without being unkind or he[kng distracted down a rabbit hole which is not the point of the post.

I read that thread and yes, it was obvious she wasn’t in the UK but that’s all everyone focused on was the 21 degrees 🤦‍♀️

Preoccupation with minor details, coupled with inability to comprehend that people live different lives, is everywhere now. This, more than anything else, is what leads me to think the average intelligence level on MN has gone down. It's still pretty high compared to other large platforms; there are certainly plenty of awesomely bright people here! But I'm having to practise forbearance more often (and I'm far from the smartest).

This is literally the only western chat forum I can access where I live, without a VPN.

OK, @RedTagAlan, I've got to ask 😂 The only places I know to block large sections of the internet are China and North Korea. Or are you in prison?

I'm kind of intrigued that a repressive authority would block, say, Reddit but not Mumsnet. It might explain a few things about some of our newer members 👀 if not how we escaped the censors!

I love the FWR board, I have learnt so much and am regularly in awe and appreciation of some of the posters, their knowledge, their intelligence and their education and research on the topic.

When you have a site with as many members as Mumsnet you have to accept that whatever you post will reach a very diverse group of women, some will like what you say and some won’t. There are also some threads that are total BS or posted to intentionally cause outrage and therefore the responses they receive are often justified.

There are also genuine threads where I have never seen such compassion and solid help in the replies, a real sisterhood.

If you don’t like what you read, or have skin thick enough, I find it’s best to scroll along and change your username, definitely don’t get upset.

I always find this strange too, as I meet very few people in real life who seem like the kind of people who might verbally go for someone the way I see in some threads. I think it just goes to show that people feel a lot safer venting their true opinions online than they do in person!

I think you probably need to stay off AIBU.

It isn't wise to use this particular board to make a sweeping statement and then complain it is quite obvious you didn't mean what you said.

As to your other professional thread. The difficulty is people lie. So if someone else disagreed with your advice they may have thought you weren't as qualified as you said. Or maybe they weren't as knowledgeable as they thought, who's to know?

I mainly frequent the education boards which tend to stay very civil (unless someone doubles down on incorrect admissions advice).

Not DPRK, and not in prison :-)

It's easier to list what sites are not blocked rather than what is blocked, but I am unsure if such a list is a state secret, because what state secrets are... is a state secret :-). And how the censors decide what to block ? Nobody knows.

It's all going a bit Monty Python these days.

I just enjoy reading forums, and joining in. But GOTCHAs are blocked, so registration is pretty much impossible, even if the site is not blocked.

Over the past year, forums I could view (but not register to post on) include Irish politics, cycling and a couple of fishing forums. All blocked now. Yup, someone decided that reading what bait if best for Carp is bad.

I like Reddit, but my VPN is rubbish so I gave up. I do not have a paid VPN.

Nobody is really sure if VPNs are illegal or not.

Oddly, although the vast majority of news sites are blocked, GB news is not. But that has limited reading before the GB registration kicks in, and that bit uses GOTCHAS. Same with Irish Gript news, not blocked. In fact, Breitbart is a fairly recent block. So far right sort of ok, but anything with a whiff of left wing, forget it.

On the upside, most google adds are blocked, so while other posters here complain about all the adds on the site, I don't have any.

You mention newer members. I have seen one post where the poster said they were in this country. And it was a genuine poster. This site is pretty refreshing in that respect in that there are no "wum#*s". Not that I have seen.

There are lots of reform folk tho, posting in the same way. But that's fair enough to me. Activists, rather than government. There is a big difference.

And yes, I was amazed to find mumsnet is not on the unknown list. I have heard about it of course, I just always assumed it would be deemed " sensitive". Still gotta be careful of key words though.

It is an odd place at times. It can be great at times too. People have opinions and say things Ive never heard anyone say in real life.

But you don’t have any ‘content’. You posted a totally baseless whinge about a forum you don’t appear to have spent much time on, compared to other forums you admit you have no experience of.

Yes, people would never speak to someone in person the way they do on here. There are some real triggers though! Meghan and Harry always bring out the hate. Never mention that your child might be gifted or worse, beautiful! Or complain about your income or lifestyle if you earn over £20k a year. 🤣

It just feels like a place that’s supposed to be supportive and helping each other out, but I get the impression some people just like to put a negative on everything.

I would always bear in mind that this particular part of MN is an entertainment site, not an advice site.

That wasnt me - that’s not my job.

Is it? Can you point me to where it says that?

Well, "Am I Being Unreasonable?" isn't an obvious call for specific advice or support, is it. It's a straightforward question, clearly inviting opinions including that you are, in fact, unreasonable.

AIBU to think this should be bleeding obvious?!

You didn’t explain though. You just made a comment that you thought it was “judgy” here.

So what?

Like so many other threads here, you’ve come along, said something asinine that doesn’t invite serious conversation, then got snippy when it’s been pointed out that you haven’t actually contributed anything useful.

Perhaps you’d enjoy a local Facebook group a little more.

I just feel really disappointed sometimes when I read a thread - women should be supporting women. You can disagree without being nasty and judgemental. But we are our own worst enemies sometimes.

I agree there’s no need to be nasty. But I wouldn’t let nasty comments from a stranger online get to me if it ever happened.

I don’t get ‘women should be supporting women’ at all. Why? Just because we share a gender? We are not homogenous nor do we need special treatment. I find it patronising and simplistic. I support people if I respect them. Male or female.

Amazing that you’ve been on this website for five years longer than it’s existed.

This illustrates your point perfectly OP. 🤣

It was a typo! I’ll edit.

Wasn’t obvious to me.