To refuse to give a colleague a lift to/from work?

[NotTonightDeidre]

A colleague at work, I'll call her Kate, gets a lift 4 days a week with another colleague, Jen. Jen doesn't work Thursday, but both Kate & I do.

I've given Kate a lift on several occasions but I find it awkward as she's not all that talkative & I'm a very chatty person.

We did some training last week & I was in the same team as Kate, she barely acknowledged me, let alone spoke to me.

We saw each other at work today (we're in different teams day to day) and she half smiled at me. Fast forward to after work & I get a text from Kate asking for a lift tomorrow morning.

AIBU to have replied saying I'm unable to offer a lift at the minute? I feel like a dick, but also, I don't want awkward journeys in my own car.

Hell no! She ignores the OP at work and only smiled at her the day she wanted something from her.

The OP isn't the local #BeKind vending machine.

Hi. A lot of people on here saying Jen is being rude to OP. Just wanted to offer a different perspective. I am someone who finds social rules very hard. Sometimes I don't know when it's appropriate to start acting like I'm friendly with someone. Sometimes I remember a lot of what someone has told me about themselves - more than they expect such as birthday dates which were mentioned once casually a year ago, I'm not trying to be different it just happens a lot. I know that sometimes people find my way of being a bit unusual so I've learned to mask it well, but that means I'm often holding back until I've adjusted to someone enough to be able to appear more typical to them. My kids are both on autism wait lists but I've never felt the need for an assessment myself as I'm very used to masking any traits by now. Your colleague Jen sounds a lot like I expect I can present sometimes. Not saying you should give her a lift if inconvenient, but if it's just about the quietness please consider if she may just be a bit different and need time to adjust to you. If she is a bit like me then being friendly may mean ore to her than you realise.

100% spot on.

Although I'd go so far and call her a CFC.

It's your car. She only seemed to befriend you because she needs a lift. Don't do it as you could end up with it being set in stone or being her backup. You should not have to explain but you could say something like you are doing something else after work which is personal and you would rather not talk about it. She sounds like a user. Giving lifts should be something you offer to do if and when you feel like it and you should not feel like you are being held to ransom. Nip it in the bud now!

Giving lifts becomes an expectation which becomes a massive ball ache. If people find cars the more convenient mode of transport then they need to get a car, or pay for a taxi

Cheeky cow!!! Absolute NO

@BatchCookBabe my god cheeky and entitled.Why do grown adults think everyone is responsible for them.Good on your husband and his bike :-)

I’m currently not driving, I use buses or taxis or walk.
If a family member offers me a lift, I always pay for petrol, if they refuse I buy them a small gift. I hate feeling that anyone is out of pocket because of my choice not to drive.

Just say no OP, their choice to want a free ride, your choice to simply say no.

Thank you @cleanasawhistle 😘 Yep, as this thread illustrates, there are LOTS of cheeky buggars about! (Especially when it comes to begging for lifts.)

Depends on how long the journey is! If it’s an hour or so then make your excuses but if it’s 20minutes then I probably would just take her. I used to take part in a lift share where all passengers paid £6 a day but it was about an hours drive to a city with parking charges. Like that when an awkward person joined the lift share it completely killed the previously silly chatty atmosphere in the car.

Does she ever offer anything towards petrol, give you the occasional gift or do anything to show her appreciation? Does it add much to your journey picking her up? If people expect it and don’t offer anything towards petrol that would make me less inclined to help.

So have you told them no? @ You ar@NotTonightDeidre

Car sharing usually means sharing the space and costs. The OP doesn’t say anything about asking for a contribution to the fuel cost which to me would be entirely reasonable, make it a practical arrangement and take the emotion out of it.

She hasn’t even given you the courtesy of being polite or friendly at work so on that basis alone you should decline without a second thought.

If I replied I'd say 'no, sorry can't'

It's there in her OP:

AIBU to have replied saying I'm unable to offer a lift at the minute? I feel like a dick, but also, I don't want awkward journeys in my own car.

I gave lifts for years on my late night every week (7pm finish) to a colleague who came to expect it, but never offered to pay for petrol or bought me any sort of thank you gift.I was also an exhausted single parent at the time and would still have to pick up my daughter as well! I wouldn't be such a pushover now. I'd just say NO. This colleague died shortly after she retired from an alcohol related disease, which I then realised was why she didn't drive...

Duh. Teach me to reply after working a night 😂

so op has already solved the issue

The best reply to a CF is nearly always, ‘sorry but that doesn’t work for me’ with no attempt to make an excuse up or lie. It’s hard for a lot of us to do as we think we must apologise profusely with watertight reasons why we don’t want to do this thing which has been sprung upon us and which only benefits the other person (yet the person asking cheeky favours never worries about their imposition on the other person!). A clear and firm reply sends a message that the answer is no and you don’t owe them reasons because the issue isn’t yours to try to resolve for them. If pressed, remain vague: you have existing plans / other commitments / it doesn’t work with your schedule / you can’t commit to it so you hope someone else can help. Better a brief but awkward exchange than much, much longer feelings of resentment once you’re roped in to running round after someone who barely gives a fuck about you!

Refusing to give your colleague a lift one day a week for the stated reason viz “she is not chatty enough” is a dick move in my opinion.

But, hey, it’s your car

Your'e not alone! Loads of posters missed that last bit of her OP.

Ok. Except that's not the entire reason.

Just say, 'Sorry, doing a salsa lesson on Thursday, so going the opposite way.'

The dick move is by the colleague who is RUDE to the OP and still expects/demands a free fucking lift. She can get to fuck.

Perhaps you can offer such lifts to the cunty colleague if you think the OP is somehow out of order....

But you wont, will you?

It would be different if they were friends, or even made small talk most days. OP doesn't even know this person, they aren't friends and don't talk. It's a stranger asking for regular lifts. She's perfectly inclined to refuse. I would too.

Well, I, for one, would be perfectly happy to give a colleague a lift to work one day a week - even if I did not know them well - provided it wasn’t a considerable inconvenience.

If you have the choice of being generous or petty, choose the former.