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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Stranger swore at me in a shop today

150 replies

Socialsar · 12/11/2025 16:23

I was shopping with my DS earlier at a clothing store and a man was sat down. Unfortunately, his bum was exposed due to his jeans being low.

My DS (4yo) mentioned this to me - ‘look at that’ sort of thing. The man overheard and told me to ‘mind my fucking business’ and stood up and walked away.

I was so taken aback I didn’t say anything. Is it me or are people so angry these days?

OP posts:
cluckluckluuuuckyus · 13/11/2025 13:38

It is also not a personal remark, because having your arse out on show isn't a personal characteristic. It's a choice

Too right. If I choose to go out with my arse showing to all and sundry that is a choice I am making and I would expect others to comment on it.

If I dont want people commenting on my bare arse then I wont go out with a bare arse will I? good grief, people are acting like this man was forced at gunpoint to spend the day flashing people.

BillieWiper · 13/11/2025 14:39

Snailslide · 13/11/2025 13:11

I don’t think we should be putting up with arse cracks in public. It’s antisocial behaviour. To me seeing someone’s arse crack is just as antisocial as say having someone cycle on the pavement. These ‘small’ things should be nipped in the bud.

It's a wardrobe malfunction. I wouldn't remark on it.
They weren't saying it to be helpful.

Umy15r03lcha1 · 13/11/2025 14:39

Well if he walks around with his arse hanging out he needs to get used to random remarks from strangers. He could be 'troubled'. Ignore and move on.

ResusciAnnie · 13/11/2025 18:02

rogueherries · 12/11/2025 16:52

He was embarrassed, but people like this take so little responsibility for themselves or their anti-social behaviour these days it’s easier to take it out on a four year old child. Awful man, shameful behaviour.

Agree - not embarrassed enough to not have his arse out though 😆 he’ll be the type to say his arse being out is someone else’s fault though (probably a woman’s!).

vickylou78 · 13/11/2025 18:18

AyrshireTryer · 12/11/2025 16:24

Why did your son believe it was ok to make personal remarks about other people?

He's 4!! They just say what they see don't they?

JustToBeMe · 13/11/2025 18:39

Those saying a 4 year old should know better than to not say things to an adult that might be hurtful, what planet are you on?
They are very very young. And still learning.

I suggest you try working with said children and see how ‘ hurtful’ their comments can be. I do I’ve been called Fat, I’m a size 14 with a big bust so yep.
I’ve been called old 😆 any one over 10 is old to a 4 year old!
I’ve been called a pooh head, does it offend me? No, I just gently correct them, and get on with my day… 🤷‍♀️ it’s not hard, really it’s not.

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 13/11/2025 20:45

AyrshireTryer · 12/11/2025 16:24

Why did your son believe it was ok to make personal remarks about other people?

He’s 4!!!! 😂

weareallcats · 13/11/2025 20:59

Your 4 year old has only said what many, many people have thought.

Leaveittogod · 13/11/2025 21:02

AyrshireTryer · 12/11/2025 16:24

Why did your son believe it was ok to make personal remarks about other people?

Because he’s 4???????

FlyMeSomewhere · 13/11/2025 22:58

Tiebiter · 13/11/2025 13:15

I am experiencing increasing aggression towards me and my children by older men in normal situations. We have experienced similar (but completely unprovoked) outbursts in shops, on walks etc. I think it's something to do with the political temperature right now, they feel emboldened by reform etc to air their nasty personalities when before they might have stayed quiet.

I've noticed increased aggression and misogyny online! There's been a suspicious death of a child in my town and because I said I hoped it wasn't another child lost to a dog attack I was called a bitch! There's been two high profile dog attacks on kids lately and for some reason hoping it wasn't another one warranted calling me a bitch online. I had two men online tell me they wanted to attack me on the street and was told "suck on my dick Whore" because they were angry that the stabbing guy wasn't Muslim and I had people had also assumed the Liverpool incident was a Muslim too. And yet these men tell British women it's foreign men we need to be afraid of!

FlyMeSomewhere · 13/11/2025 23:04

Tiebiter · 13/11/2025 13:15

I am experiencing increasing aggression towards me and my children by older men in normal situations. We have experienced similar (but completely unprovoked) outbursts in shops, on walks etc. I think it's something to do with the political temperature right now, they feel emboldened by reform etc to air their nasty personalities when before they might have stayed quiet.

Also as part of my job, I take calls from some public facing workers when they need to report an abusive customer, the amount of reports I have to take of male customers calling staff ugly fucking bitches, c*s, you look like a fucking drag queen etc and also men telling the women that they want to stab them, execute them, smash their faces in etc - scary isn't it! Not that women aren't verbally abusive also but there's something very sickening about men tearing into especially the young female workers that are just trying to do their job. And it seems to be more the men that threaten to actually physically harm them.

Dawnb19 · 13/11/2025 23:37

My daughter is 4 and it's something she would do. I'd just remind her that it wasn't kind and hope she doesn't do it again but they are 4 so probably will. 🫣
You never know what other people are going through. He could be mentally ill, lost a close family member or just an idiot that got embarrassed. To be fair I'd be mortified too but would never swear in front of a child.

eastegg · 14/11/2025 00:07

Biskieboo · 12/11/2025 20:41

Ditto, but apparently having a 4 year old who says it like they see it is indicative of us being terrible parents. The response of the typical MNer's 4 year old would be along the lines of 'I say mother, I didn't want to say so at the time as it would have been terribly childish of me - I'm not three any more after all - and the transgression of social mores an overt comment would have represented would doubtless have caused you significant embarrassment, but now that we are out of earshot that man's sartorial choices really did leave a lot to be desired. Being blunt I could practically see his anus'.

😂

SheSaidHummingbird · 14/11/2025 00:17

A teachable moment. Explain to your son that what he witnessed today was both a literal and figurative asshole.

TrishM80 · 14/11/2025 00:35

The people saying that the 4 year old should have known better: are they on the wind up, or are they just complete nutjobs?

LilyGeorge · 14/11/2025 15:34

TrishM80 · 14/11/2025 00:35

The people saying that the 4 year old should have known better: are they on the wind up, or are they just complete nutjobs?

Neither thanks, why do you ask?

SassyCow · 14/11/2025 16:54

Yeah there was no need for him to say that, especially swearing. A 4 year old will speak out, they're young and their brains are still developing. Can't expect a 4 year old to keep shut about what they see around them. Yes a talk can be had but it wouldn't make much of a difference at the age of 4.

StripyShirt · 14/11/2025 17:03

Don't forget that the bum in question would have been at eye level to the poor boy!

If only he'd dropped a marble down there.....😃

Ghostmartin · 14/11/2025 17:06

jammytoast2 · 12/11/2025 16:26

He’s 4 and he saw an arse.

Best answer! 😂

dynamiccactus · 14/11/2025 17:14

AyrshireTryer · 12/11/2025 16:24

Why did your son believe it was ok to make personal remarks about other people?

Are you for real? He is 4 and anyway I think much older people would comment that someone's bottom was showing!

dynamiccactus · 14/11/2025 17:16

LilyGeorge · 14/11/2025 15:34

Neither thanks, why do you ask?

Well you must be one of the options if you hold 4 year olds to the same standards as much older people (who might also comment but probably sotte voce).

Or you are just trolling for effect.

dynamiccactus · 14/11/2025 17:17

eastegg · 14/11/2025 00:07

😂

Love this!

Ghostmartin · 14/11/2025 17:18

EarthlyNightshade · 12/11/2025 19:24

It takes even longer for some men to realise that no one wants to see their arse crack in public.

😂

When I read the title I had no idea this thread would be so funny!

IdaGlossop · 14/11/2025 17:27

Thank-you for reminding me of this incident from my childhood, which happened in a lift in which were my mum, DB 4, me 7, the lift operator, and an elderly woman:

DB: 'Mummy, why has that lady got a moustache?'
Mum to lady: 'I'm so sorry.'

I felt terribly embarrassed. Based on this slender piece of evidence, I conclude that sensitivity to the feelings of others happens at age 5 or 6.

TorroFerney · 14/11/2025 17:52

I'd have been really tempted to tell him that using such language was an offence (and that having your bum out should be). I mean why have your bum out of not for the shock/comment value, you want to stand out I assume?