Why do people waste their life in this way?

[Whythatdoor]

I know of a family friend, in his early 70s. He has some health challenges but he’s mobile and still has all his faculties. He’s not at deaths door, I appreciate, but likewise he’s not in the first flush of youth.

He spends nearly all his time watching rolling news, getting massively worked up about things, and firing off emails. His latest moan is bias at the BBC. He’s sent them lots of emails and shares FB posts several times a day. He’s obsessed with small boats, and is generally right wing.

He hasn’t got much time left on Earth, why waste it hating on everyone and everything? Why not just live his life,‘experience what he can with an open mind and an open heart while he’s still fit enough to do so?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying people shouldn’t care about these things, or be interested in the news, or write to organisations if they feel strongly. But his life is consumed by it, negativity, bile, anger. I feel like I want to shake him.

AIBU?

Well, I’m not saying I agree with him politically, but if he has strong views it’s better he’s writing to the BBC and not going out looking for a real life person to take his anger out on. It seems a fairly healthy way of processing his anger to be fair.

Also, it’s a good example of someone actually trying to make a difference instead of just moaning about whatever they’re supposedly angry about. That would be a real waste of energy, surely.

Not everyone thinks “having a nice time” is the ultimate life goal, or the most important use of our human abilities.

Dickens wrote stories about people like him

Ask this talk of volunteering and doing something for other people.

Writing complaint letters at his age is to try and put things right for other people.

It’s no different to you wasting your time writing about your relative on mumsnet. For him it’s not a waste of time and I’m guessing for you it isn’t either.

I get you, OP. I have a relative like this and it does frustrate me. All his energy is directed into it and I do feel he’s wasting his life.

No its not, he's just being an angry git

I agree, OP. It's just putting angry vibes into the Universe for no reason. But you can't change people. I feel so much better since I stopped getting stressed or angry about politics online, and if someone annoys me now on Mumsnet, I just close the app and block it for a few days. Easy-peasy.

My Dad got like this for a bit, was being pushed all sorts of vile racist and fascist stuff from click baity posts on fb. This culminated in him being banned from fb for a period.

I told him he had been radicalised online and was at the mercy of the algorithm and why didn't he try clicking on some other sorts of things and he might get a more balanced view. I sat down with him and found some alternative news sources to the ones he was being pushed and we followed them and lo and behold he gradually became less frothy and deranged and now seems quite normal again and has largely given up FB

I don't know if you are close enough to your family friend to suggest this, clearly he is entirely within his rights to waste what time he has left on crap like this, but he should be aware of why this is happening

Algorithm manipulation: The illusion of choice and free will

He might like it. His fellow volunteers might not!

Very true, but that is all part of it. He likely thinks most people think the same way because of lack of engagement. People can still talk to each other, we often just don't get an opportunity or time to meet and talk to new people and get opinions, especially 70 yo's!

I agree, OP. It does sound like a waste of time and life.

If he is fit, mobile and active he could actually be contributing to his local community in some way and make that a better place.

This doesn't sound like someone who is mentally well, or compos mentis. I would be looking to refer them to adult welfare services for a mental capacity assessment. It could be nothing and it's a part of his generational culture, or he could be unwell. It won't harm to reach out.

My mum became like this we were all gutted she was living the way she was not regarding her political views ( each to their own ) but it turned out to be vascular dementia . She wasn’t making an informed choice about being angry she just was , so she just grasped any excuse to be angry .

let him get on with it, his life his choice. It will have some sort of function and payoff for him, he more that likely gets pleasure from being enraged.

Getting angry at the world has been a hallmark of getting old (for some) since time began - victor meldrew, catherine tate nan, steptoe etc etc

Rolling news, facebook, youtube etc has made all this so much more amplified but it’s always been there. I agree it’s a waste of a life to sit at home perpetually angry. My DM drives me mad with her negativity - i hate it

We're all wasting our lives, in other people's view.

In fact, I spend quite a bit of time thinking I'm probably wasting mine doing the stuff that seems worthwhile 😬

Whatever floats your boat, I guess he gets a kick out of feeling that he is making a relevant contribution. That's an illusion of course, but no more than ours if you consider us taking the time to start and add to this thread!

TV is a very accessible way for elderly people to have some news etc. I don’t think this is an uncommon pursuit.

It is his life to waste. Nothing to do with you.

one could argue we all waste our lives going to work everyday, watching Netflix or doing mundane house chores.

Who says he's obsessed with anything? And so what if he was? The OP is obsessed by him, in fact, she says she "knows of" a family friend. He's not even someone she knows herself, she's goin on hearsay.

OP sounds like a sanctimonious, pompous twit. Anybody looking at someone else's life from the outside is utterly clueless, unless she lives with him or spends a lot of time there she has no idea at all.

And one person's "radicalised" is another person's hobby. You'd all be so much happier if you didn't spend your life trying to micro manage other people's thoughts and behaviours.

I agree with you that people can watch too much news and read too much on social media, and become obsessed over it, to their detriment.
All you can do is live your life the way you want to, you can't change him.
We're all fed so much bad news and stress these days, it can't be healthy.

Mumsnet is a shithole of nothingness, doesn't matter at all, none of us are making any contribution to anything whatsoever when posting here and some of us are bright enough to know it.

Meanwhile, the old man OP and you are slagging off might have saved lives and raised 14 kids all by himself, for all you know.

You're output into the world changes nothing but the lives of a few people around you and you don't matter to anybody but your own family and that is the same for most of us. Some of us are just self aware enough to know it.

Best not to try to be judgemental and sanctimonious about old men doing nobody any harm unless you save children from starving to death with Doctors beyond Borders or something similar 💅

Missing the point of my comment methinks 🙄

100% this - the sheer pompous arogance of the OP slagging off a harmless old man she doesn't even actually know (she knows OF him through a friend, her gossip is just hearsay) for having hobbies she disapproves of on this shithole of a nothing site that contributes nothing positive to the world is beyond parody tbh.

This! My husband and I have a cynical joke about the soul hoover, similar to your “emotional vampire”.

Obviously, my opinion is subjective but I look around and I see people appearing to live what I term disappointed lives.

I maybe wrong, the joy and enthusiasm maybe bubbling under the surface, and I am just judgmental.

Its sad, more than anything else.

I don't think MN contributes nothing to the world. @sothatsthat

I have learned so much on MN. It's changed MY life in that I now know not to get involved in other peoples' drama (not my circus, not my monkeys). It encouraged me to call out toxic management in my former workplace and gave me the courage, strength and nohow to leave. It provided support when I was applying for DLA for my disabled child and made me feel like I was not alone.

I waste too much time on it though.