DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

[Aggyagro]

Ok so I know this is his decision, but it will definitely affect us both. We are both early fifties and I am in the situation where due to taking time out of pension contributions and doing freelance work when the 3 DCs were young I know I’ll need to work to retirement age.
We go halves on bills, he is the bigger wage earner and I pay the mortgage whereas he does loads of other things. All ok. But now he has started saying that with the DCs all moved out and nearly independent he’ll be looking to take early retirement in the next few years. He’s been paying into his pension and doing all the sums. He says it will mean a sacrifice but it’s ‘doable’. It just means that we will have to do fewer things like takeaways and cut back a bit. Call me mad but I’m struggling to see the advantage to this. When I ask what he plans to do with his time he says ‘nothing,’ with a grin…
Then he says maybe travel more, but then I point out that I’ll still be working and that we’ll have less money, which doesn’t seem to work logically. I can see a few problems ahead, or am I just being selfish?

Jakers You've a mortgage, need new windows, probably white goods. He's a dick.

You really do need minimum outgoings. Energy to rise in the next five years by 20% Octopus are predicting. God only knows how much council tax is going to rise. Water rates will soar. All these are bills that can't be avoided.

My FIL retired at 50, convinced he was going to die like his own dad early 50's - he passed away this year at the grand age of 95.

Is he open to a part time job?

Has he really done the sums? Early fifties is very early. If he is relying on a defined contribution pension then many people overestimate how much they should be drawing each year. At that sort of age I wouldn’t draw more than 3%. So suddenly what seems like a large fund translates into not very much income.

And if he’s got a defined benefit pension most would have a very large actuarial reduction to allow for the fact that he is taking it so early.

And can he actually draw his pension before age 55, which is, except in exceptional circumstances the minimum age you can do so (increasing to age 57 in 2028 btw).

Also, has he accrued enough NI years to get a full state pension? And has he allowed for the fact that he could have to wait until 68 to get it, depending on the next review of state pension ages which is currently underway.

Pensions is complicated. I hope he has taken advice.

Keep your increased pension contributions op, that is non negotiable. Up them to the maximum and if that drops your contribution to the family then too bad, when a marriage has looked after one of the people in it for decades, the other one needs to look after themself for a change.

Nah, he can work longer to enable you to pay more into your and you can both retire at the same time

Actually its him being the selfish one

You gave up pension paying years to bring up the children. As soon as money was less scarce, he should have taken more on, seeing as he was the higher earner, so you could feed your pension so you both ended up on an equal footing

Me and DH, we share finances. Hes supported me most of my adult life due to my ill health. However as we have aged, it's me that's been earning - not a lot - but enough. I had a wee windfall. I paid off my missing Gvt pension, paid his debts, ( which I also enjoyed the benefits of ) so now we are both shovelling what we can into pensions

For me, money in a marriage or a partnership where there are kids and a house, should be shared equally , no matter who earns what, to me it should be a shared pot so you are both on equal footing

Sounds like your husband's retirement has enhances your life. The opposite of what OP's husband is offering.

He earns more,

It shouldn't be half

Except we all know hes not actually going to do all the work if being a househusband.

Yeah, no thanks. A life of restriction and him doing "nothing" whilst I was still working would make me miserable so fine, he can do it, but he will do it alone I'm afraid.

This!

He is being utterly selfish OP. Have you had an honest, heart to heart talk with him? Explain how unfair things are and the sacrifices you made so HE could continue his career?

Join him in his retirement and cut your cloth according to your income. One for all and all for one.
It would be too much to swallow, watching him lounging around all day while u work and make sacrifices. That plan will 100% not work - which is why you are posting on Mumsnet as you know this.

You both need a joint plan. Men always just think about themselves and what they want. You need to speak up and say his plan is not acceptable to you for all the reasons you have said on this thread. Your reasons ARE valid.

Lets see what he says. 😬
All the best!

That's great but the OP can't retire early because she made career sacrifices for their family. I assume your husband hasn't been similarly disadvantaged? It puts a totally different spin on things.

I agree it should be a joint decision, but at the same time I can understand why your DH wants to retire early. I’m a decade older than you. I have this week heard of the death of another friend my age. That’s 5 in the last 18 months. I’m glad to have got out before I burnt out. I’d rather have less money to spend and more time..And yes I might live into my 90s but who knows.

This is not ok. You took time out to care for your children. Assuming they are his children also - this benefited the family as a whole. You essentially sacrificed pension contributions to do unpaid work for the family.

He cannot unilaterally decide to stop work early. It’s not “his” pension alone - you made it possible.

He basically hung out at work whilst there were children at home. Now they've grown up and left, he suddenly wants to be at home (doing nothing) whilst you slog your guts out yet again.

He needs to decide on a joint retirement plan. He cant just decide to go it alone now the hard work is done (unless he wants to divorce - in which case he will be sharing his pension).

Is he a kind and supportive man? Because these are not the plans of a kind and supportive husband.

He can’t do this before the mortgage is paid off and if it means you subsidising him. Tell him you need to both retire at the same time.

Make sure you divorce him now while you can take 50% of his pension!!!

Goodness he sounds incredibly selfish and if he is the bigger wage earner I would be telling him he can cover a bigger percentage of the bills and maximise your pension contributions. I also worked less hours after having children and my husband has a much bigger pension than me. Thankfully he was happy for me to prioritise saving in my pension and although he has the bigger pension I have more in investments. Consequently we both retired at 58. If he is early fifties he cannot access his pension anyway until he is 55.

You need to both have a conversation where you tell him you feel it is unfair you will have to work much longer because of the sacrifices you made for having children. If he is still adamant then I would be saying he needs to pay a bigger share of the bills from now until he retires and you will not be subsidising his retirement given he is making a decision arbitrarily. You may have to make a point by maybe just getting yourself the odd takeaway if your joint income does not cover it or going on your own holiday without him. Also point out he can take up the slack on household duties as you won't be working and doing everything at home too if he intends to just sit around gaming all day. YANBU to be furious. I would be too.

This 1,000 times.

He sounds indifferent to you and your happiness/financial security.

Go for his pension before he spends it down.

Agree with the general sentiment that he can't do this. Does he have a particularly stressful job though? Maybe this is partly a cry for help that he wants to get out and can't handle it any more? In which case winding down to a less stressful, lower-paid job from mid-fifties until retirement seems perfectly reasonable. Not retiring and leaving you to pay for everything though.

Well, you're not going to be stretched. You make it clear to him that you will be funding the household exactly as you have been to date and expect the same standard of living. If he can't pay his way, it's his problem. Take away for one, beans on toast for the other!

It sounds like you still have a mortgage. It would be mad to do this before the mortgage is paid off.

how about that they’re a partnership and she took the career hit for the childcare years, now causing her to need to work for longer. How about if he worked for longer and they split the difference in years, like… a, hear me out… a partnership?

Is he aware that in a divorce you are likely to get a big share of his pension?

You shouldn't be 'going halves' after all this time, your finances should be combined by now, why aren't they? This is a very selfish decision of him to make.