DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

[Aggyagro]

Ok so I know this is his decision, but it will definitely affect us both. We are both early fifties and I am in the situation where due to taking time out of pension contributions and doing freelance work when the 3 DCs were young I know I’ll need to work to retirement age.
We go halves on bills, he is the bigger wage earner and I pay the mortgage whereas he does loads of other things. All ok. But now he has started saying that with the DCs all moved out and nearly independent he’ll be looking to take early retirement in the next few years. He’s been paying into his pension and doing all the sums. He says it will mean a sacrifice but it’s ‘doable’. It just means that we will have to do fewer things like takeaways and cut back a bit. Call me mad but I’m struggling to see the advantage to this. When I ask what he plans to do with his time he says ‘nothing,’ with a grin…
Then he says maybe travel more, but then I point out that I’ll still be working and that we’ll have less money, which doesn’t seem to work logically. I can see a few problems ahead, or am I just being selfish?

You need to make voluntary contributions to top up your pension pot . Do it now whilst you still have the opportunity

You are working on the simplistic assumption that this is entirely a voluntary thing. Here’s the subtext:

There’s little to no expectation on men to assume caring responsibility for elderly relatives

Ageism impacts women harder and earlier in the workplace. It’s normal to see men in their 50’s as having gravitas and valuable skills whilst women become less visible in both social and commercial environments

Menopause can have a significant impact on women’s mid life physical and emotional health

These significantly contribute to the economic inactivity you describe.

If you can't beat them ,join them .
Tell him fantastic idea ,you will do the same
Your both equal in providing for the family ,you actually worked when other women had maternity leave .
Surely finances are shared ,so his pension is half yours anyway....or it would be in the event of you splitting up.
He's very selfish isn't he ...he's not considered you in any of this ..I bet when you start looking back you will find lots of examples where he put himself first .
Anyway tell him to recalculate, because when he hands in his notice,you are doing the same

You don’t retire when you still have a mortgage

I don’t like his ‘nothing’ reply tbh
He should be doing everything else that needs to be done if you’re still working.

That is horribly unfair on you.

Id start by asking who he saw for financial advice and ask to see the correspondence from them. If he says he hasn’t done this then book an appointment. You need to know where you stand.

If he refuses financial advice then it would be divorce time for me. You might a well do it now than in a couple of years when you are more likely to get screwed over

I would make it clear to him that you sacrificed your career, earnings and pension for the family and you now need to build up your own pension so he needs to recognise your sacrifice and have a plan for how he will continue his contributions to the household.

And if he says that he paid more whilst you were a SAHM/freelance, tell him you were raising his children then, whilst he is proposing to do nothing.

OP worked freelance while their children were small so didn't make any pension contributions to a work penson. She wasn't living a life of leisure like her DH is planning to do when he replied ' doing nothing' when she asked what his plans for his retirement were. He certainly didn't say that he wanted to spend more quality time with his adult children.

Early fifties is very early to retire if their mortgage isn't paid off. If OP works until state pension age, he will have had at least 15 more years of retirement than OP. Looking after babies and small children while doing some freelance work doesn't compare with early retirement.

Double post. MN really needs to sort its faulty quote button.

Yes, and remember OP, ~50% of his pension is yours. He built it based on your sacrifuces.

Most couple plan and arrange a joint retirement plan surely . It seems very I’m doing this and you’re doing that .

This.

This. And why are you paying the mortgage? You should be paying less than him because he earns more and because you have pension contributions to make up for. He’s absolutely taken the piss allowing you to pay for all of this while he loads up his pension.

Excellent post

Then he can't afford to retire. Will he still make the same financial contribution to the family budget after retirement?

Hmm. We’re retiring next year-together. We earn similar amounts, both have decent pensions. I may well do part time, I love my job. Significantly, tho, it was a mutual decision and we’ve done a monthly spreadsheet for years, so we know we won’t be massively affected by doing this.

Your Dh needs to do the sums to demonstrate that you won’t be supporting him, I just don’t see how it would be fair otherwise. Why does he get to ‘travel’ while you still work? That’s going to cause major resentment. Are all 3 dc out of education now? Living away from home?

I think I would tell him how unfair he was being and let him know that if he was seriously planning on doing this then your plan would be to divorce him and claim half his pension, so he should make sure to factor than into his calculations.

Good luck @Aggyagro based on all your updates he’s completely U. He has plenty of options to go PT or look for a job with better terms without going to zero whilst you keep working. I see you didn’t even have SAH or v PT years, and he didn’t pay into your pension. Definitely taking you for a ride if he thinks he’s entitled to 15 years of extra retirement…

Op he is being incredibly selfish. You need to stand your ground and say no to this nonsense.

@Aggyagro Tell your husband that early retirement sounds like a great idea for his wellbeing, but not so great for yours. So you'll divorce him, and get half of his pension.
That way, you can also enjoy an earlier and more comfortable retirement, and everyone will be happy.

Joke aside, pensions are shared assets in a married couple. You supported him with childcare for years, he has to continue supporting you, including in retirement.

So he will have time to cook and clean then?

I can’t thank everyone enough. I had started to wonder whether I was being selfish and this has give me a fresh perspective. This is unacceptable, and I now have some brilliant ideas of how be going forward.

Good luck op. You have got this, and have many choices. Hopefully he will see this is far better for you to work as a couple.

I'd point out that your contribution to child rearing has left you worse off and he needs to help with that shortfall not start making plans to travel while you're working. Actually I think I'd say, if you retire so will I, so it'll be more than the odd takeaway that gets sacrificed.
As others have pointed out, the suggestion of divorcing him to gain access to your half of his pension may encourage him to think through his early retire plans.

I’m going to start by telling him I’ll join him -he’s always telling me I’m rubbish with money anyway….

I agree with all of this. Also, some of these women who retire early could be single women.