DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

[Aggyagro]

Ok so I know this is his decision, but it will definitely affect us both. We are both early fifties and I am in the situation where due to taking time out of pension contributions and doing freelance work when the 3 DCs were young I know I’ll need to work to retirement age.
We go halves on bills, he is the bigger wage earner and I pay the mortgage whereas he does loads of other things. All ok. But now he has started saying that with the DCs all moved out and nearly independent he’ll be looking to take early retirement in the next few years. He’s been paying into his pension and doing all the sums. He says it will mean a sacrifice but it’s ‘doable’. It just means that we will have to do fewer things like takeaways and cut back a bit. Call me mad but I’m struggling to see the advantage to this. When I ask what he plans to do with his time he says ‘nothing,’ with a grin…
Then he says maybe travel more, but then I point out that I’ll still be working and that we’ll have less money, which doesn’t seem to work logically. I can see a few problems ahead, or am I just being selfish?

I would hope so too but I suspect the OP’s husband has no intention of picking up the household slack. Is he thinking golf, Sky Sports, long coffees and crosswords?

Perhaps a long, hard conversation about his expectations and her realities would show @Aggyagroexactly what his plans are.

This is excellent advice.

See a lawyer and IFA. It’s worth the cost of the fees.

OP this is not right. We are at a similar life stage, I also did not work for 15 years and was a SAHM whilst my DH worked and built up his career and pension. I have since returned to work but we treat his pension as ‘our’ pension. The discussions we are having are a joint plan, pensions cannot be put into joint names but we just consider that the case.
You do not sound like a team, the fact he is making independent decisions would really anger me, I think I would go as far to say I would leave and then everything including his pension would be split 50/50 and you would by the sound of it be in a better position. Certainly emotionally, as he clearly is not considerate to you. Better than being married to a selfish arse who is happy for you to carry on working full time while he sits around doing ‘nothing’ after making sacrifices so he could carry on working whilst you kept everything going.

I cannot see mentioned how old your dh is.

If he did another year full time, could he pay enough into your pension fund to retire together?
Even my Dad who is a dinosaur paid my Mum's stamp whilst she was home with us kids.

We’re both early fifties. I feel so stupid, I kept working but needed the flexibility of freelance and part time and ran myself ragged whilst neglecting my own pension and up at all hours….

Would he use the 25% to put some or all into your pension fund?

I seriously doubt it as by his calculations his early retirement will already leave us both pretty stretched!!! 🙄

Neither of you should be seeing his pension as just "his" pension. You both made it possible for him to build that up while having a family, he didn't do that alone, so it's a shared asset and this is a joint decision. He's being very selfish in the way he's looking at finances.

You'd be better off divorcing him then tbh, what a selfish prick. Get yourself prepared op.

@Aggyagro I can see why you’re annoyed. He’s being unreasonable. You didn’t have time off & now will be stuck full time while he relaxes. It’s really unfair what he is proposing.

This x100

Remind him the court will see you as entitled to a huge share of it.

Early 50s?!?

That’s 15 years too early. He is delusional.

Anybody who retires at 55 could have another 40 or more years ahead. That's a lot of time to fill without the routine and other benefits of a job and living on a pension. Retirement isn't all it's cracked up to be, trust me.

I just want to thank everybody who has responded - this is so helpful. I think I am going to begin by starting maximum possible additional contributions to my salary and approach the whole thing with DH by going down the ‘great I think I’ll join you’ route just to see what he says. While getting my ducks in a row.

No it's not! You should both provide. I have never, ever needed a man to provide for me. We both do our bit.

I am just not going to be able to go to work each morning watching him gaming or something while I know we will be pushed to book an annual holiday….or have a takeaway…

My FIL did this, then the COL increased massively and he's skint.

Theres a FB group called Retirement on a Shoestring that shows the lengths some people have to go to survive when retirement isnt properly funded. Also you have to remember thar if you retire in your 50s then inflation will really diminish the value of your savings and income, so by the time you are still in your hopefully active 70s you will be very poor unless you have investments that do really well. No travelling then. Retirement needs planning and saving, and involves both of you equally.

Start putting more into your pension now, so that when he does his sums it can't be accounted as money to be used for living expenses.

If he wants to retire in a few years, fine, you've been given a head start as to what you need to do to get your own pension sorted.

Exactly the kind of thing I’m worried about. White goods breaking? Our windows already need replacing!!!

You should decide together, but I kinda understand both points of view. You can't retire and will be continuing to sub his retirement and why should your quality of life (treats, meals out etc) drop while he sits at home? If you had no mortgage, I would say perhaps doable, but not while this is still ongoing. You also don't know what the future holds, what happens if you get sick being the only earner?

On the other side, My dad watched colleagues pass away shortly after retirement, so he retired at 55, and moved from B'ton to Cornwall and lived off the difference in price for property. I wonder if he could hold off for a few more years as planned and perhaps both be in a position to retire a few years early, mortgage paid off and enjoy?

Please sort out what you are entitled to financially when you divorce him, and do make sure you take every penny of your full entitlement.

I'd be telling him that's an excellent idea. He can be a house husband and take over the household running and everything else while you just go to work. That you've done your time (with examples of when the kids were small) and it's absolutely his turn.

Then I would gush to anyone in mixed company what a mint thing you've got to look forward to.

I would expect these decisions to be joint ones taking into account both myself and my husband! If he has a bigger pension pot due to you bringing up the children then I would view it as a joint point not his on his own! I would be asking him to sit down and look at the figures together for both of you - why would you carry on working if he isn't?? Surely the compromise would be to meet somewhere in the middle so that you both can afford to retire?