BIL and his wife forgot my birthday

[Ilikelimes]

My BIL and his wife completely forgot my birthday this year. They didn’t text me until midnight to say happy birthday — literally just as the day ended.

I’m quite hurt, to be honest. I always make a real effort with their family: I buy their children’s birthday presents, make sure cards get there on time, and even give the kids pocket money when they walk my dog. I don’t expect grand gestures in return, but a simple “Happy Birthday” at a reasonable time doesn’t feel like much to ask.

My partner completely gets it and mentioned it to his brother, but apparently BIL was shocked I was even upset and couldn’t understand why. For context, I don’t have the best relationship with his wife — there have been a few issues.

Now, though, I’m feeling a bit deflated and fed up with always being the one to make an effort.

AIBU to feel hurt? Or am I overreacting and should just let it go? I don’t usually care about my birthday, but for some reason it really got to me after realising I make all the effort!

Edited by MNHQ to protect the OP's privacy

Yabu

So your husbands brother and his wife?

Can't say id be able to get overly angry about people that distant.

however, lesson learned, start winding diwn the birthdays.

I don’t think I know when my BILs birthday is. Absolutely no idea when his partners is.

Non major event Birthdays of adult relatives seem a strange thing to get upset over.

You say BIL and you say partner. It can’t be both. If you are unmarried maybe they just see you as the current girlfriend and aren’t making an effort.

Yes you are being unreasonable. They did call didn't they? You're not a child. I can get a bit miffed if a family member forgets my dc birthdays but I soon forget about it. Life is too short for holding petty grudges, especially when people are busy and genuinly forget. Wipe those tears and happy birthday!

I don’t even know when sils husbands birthday is. Not sure dh does either actually.

Yabu. You aren't no.1 on their priority list because they have a busy life and you're an adult who they probably thought wouldn't meltdown over not getting a text.

Ah that's crap op.
I'd still keep the invite for dinner but scale back the gift buying. Don't bother with cards for BIL or SIL anymore or get DH to sort them on future.

I've been with my dh 20 years I couldn't tell you last time I had a birthday message off his sister and her husband
Don't let it bother you op

Your partner's brother and his wife? Yes I think it's unreasonable to be annoyed I have not a clue what date my BILs birthday is beyond the month.

I have no idea when SIL's partner's birthday is and a vague idea of DB's wife's but I've never done anything about it. Why are you doing anything for your partner's brother's birthday? It's up to your partner.

In-laws' partner's birthdays aren't generally a big thing are they?

Oh blimey op, I have three Bils I don’t think any of us have ever exchanged birthday greetings.

They probably forgot about it. I can't imagine they were thinking about it a great deal. Why would they?

I think you have unrealistic expectations of other people, so yeah you probably are destined to a life of disappointment.

How dramatic. Making effort for nieces and nephews isn’t really the same so not sure why you’ve equated the two! They did wish you a happy birthday, quibbling over the time is childish.

I also actually only know the date of one of his nephew’s and nieces. That’s only because it’s the first of the month 😅 the others I know the month but couldn’t tell you any closer than that.

YABU. Your BIL must have been so shocked to hear you were upset about such a non event.

I have never had a birthday message from any of my in-laws and it has never occurred to me to be annoyed! We are all very friendly and I host some of them at Christmas .
My sister is good at remembering my husbands birthday but would not be disappointed if she forgot.Happy Birthday 🎈

YABU. I only knew to wish my brothers partner a happy birthday because Facebook told me to.

One of my oldest friends was 2 days late saying it to me this year. It doesn't mean anything more than he is a bit crap at remembering birthdays.

I understand, especially if you make an effort and it’s not reciprocated , it wouldn’t hurt for them to have sent a card and a token present, especially with what you do for them . I sent my bil and nephew birthday presents recently and didn’t get a thank you. I think some of us are more sensitive than others and appreciate fairness, not that you give to receive but an acknowledgment would have been nice.

Im going to guess you do not have children? I have the most annoying in-laws that buy us all cheap tat and want us to make a massive deal 4 there birthday- when your an adult whats wrong with getting a message from non-imediate relatives . Do not give to receive- also , you may have to realise they mean more to you then you to them ..

We don’t send anything for birthdays beyond a text. If you paid my children to walk your dog I’d think I was the one doing the favour as presumably I bring them to your house. If you don’t want to send them cards then don’t, same goes for dinner, it’s not a tit for tat it’s a gift.

I have no idea when my BIL or SIL birthday is, to be honest. We don't buy presents for them, nor they for us and I'm the world's worst at sending a 'Happy Birthday' message to anyone because I don't do Facebook or anything that sends you 'reminders'.

I don't expect it in return, however.

You married a man, your husband, its up to him to remember your birthday - not his family

Jeez I only remember our own wedding anniversary when it shows up on FB

Grow up.

Another who has no idea when SIL/BIL birthdays are nor DPs parents. Why would I? It’s up to DP to send cards/gifts, he does his side I do mine . Way easier although he never sends anything but that’s on him!

Just stop doing gifts etc then it won’t upset you when they forget!