To feel sad that my Dd will not really know what it’s like to be British

[Nochristmasvibesasofyet]

We live abroad, Dh and I both British, Dd is 6 and was born where we live. We have been ‘Back home’ a couple of times for short holidays, but mainly everyone comes to us.
Ive started to feel sad recently that she won’t experience a British childhood/upbringing, unless we move in the next few years-will it be too late then?
How important is it that we try to keep her informed of her heritage (if that’s the right word!)

More go elsewhere. The UK is the only country in the G10 that has lost more high net worth individuals than it has attracted in for nearly ten straight years. It’s got the highest rate of wealth emigration in the world, actually.

Bloody hell, no knives or spitting in my childhood, it was exactly as I say…North west suburbs 80’s & 90’s

We’d be going to Cornwall though if we did go

I moved back to the UK for the closeness to family, but have lived experiencing ‘British activities’ recently. Bonfire night 🧡🧡

but equally I am in the UK reminding them of their other cultural understanding and using that language with them even though none of their family heritage is from there.

im just happy they’ve had experiences of other cultures and will hopefully grow in to culturally aware adults and basically good human beings.

We are in south London, maybe there are knives and spitting at secondary but definitely none in primary! Just no conkers either…

That was my point. PP is implying migration proves the UK is better. When most people go nowhere, proving nothing.

And I have lived in three countries. And intend to live in more once I retire.

And I don’t think I was ‘bashing’. Just an honest assessment that the UK is pretty good. ‘Pretty good’ isn’t bashing. Unless you’re a twitchy-eyed obsessive who believes the UK is better than anywhere else. Do you genuinely believe that ‘pretty good’ is a slight?

I didn't say it was 'the best', one of the best. I get what you mean..

There are plenty of countries which I'd classify as very good, but I think Britain has traditionally had a good balance of order vs freedom, and more tolerance of different kinds of people.

I compare to other countries : I wouldn't want to live in a strict Catholic country like Poland. I wouldn't want to live in a place with the death penalty & the violent crime rate of the US. I wouldn't live in France because overall I think misogyny is entrenched there in ways it isn't to such a degree here, and I also think behavioural norms are much stricter. I read an article recently with a French designer who argued that stuff like the punks etc couldn't have come from 70s France the way they did from 70s Britain, & I think he has a point.

Maybe a Nordic country : I guess that's more a matter of climate. I like our moderate climate.

Australia and NZ? Maybe...I guess that would also boil down to climate for me, especially Oz.

I know things are fractured at the moment, but I think that applies to most of Europe. Even moderate countries like Sweden and Norway have had populist surges. Violent crime is worse here than Europe, that's a major blot. Also healthcare, education & housing need a major overhaul. Rich-poor gap is an issue across Europe, but there's definitely major challenges here now...

Sorry, that was meant to quote MrsTerryPratchett!

Where do most go, I wonder?

The U.S. The U.A.E when it comes to the wealthy ones. When it comes to refugees, Iran, Türkiye and Germany take in the most.

https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/immigration-by-country

www.unhcr.org/refugee-statistics

Suprised about the US. For all the moralising some of the US right about how lawless London etc is, they have a higher violent crime rate, including spousal murder (partly driven by gun ownership).

UAE is currently facilitating genocide in Sudan by the RSF, and that's just the worst of the multiple things one could lay at their door.

Otoh their violent crime rate is really low & obviously are a tax haven etc so I could understand the move from that perspective.

You can't though, all of your own cultural references and language are foreign if you don't live in your country of origin. You can commit to following the laws, learning the language and respecting local customs and participating actively in your community but you can't commit to 'being' it. We live in a different European country and my DC are bound to grow up feeling different to their peers because they are. If they end up feeling more British than the culture we live in then that's partly because it's very hard to fully integrate and be accepted here as a foreigner, even if you do speak the language. In your friend's case, maybe his Portuguese relatives did more to make him feel accepted than his local British community.

Tbf, you need decent horse chestnut trees for it to work! We have a great one in the village (also Sussex).

I think we all feel nostalgic for our childhoods. I grew up in the 80’s and had a very different childhood to my own children even though I’ve raised them in the UK.

Her memories will be different because she is growing up elsewhere in the world but as she grows older she may be able to have more visits to the UK and maybe stay with family for the summer (for example) and things like that which will connect her to your background while having her own.

Oh we had conkers, we just didn’t play conkers! I have a vague recollection of it being banned in school for safety reasons (in the early 80s! Not much was banned then). And outside of school frankly we had better games available 🤣

My kids were born & brought up in France, they went to French school. However I have taken them to the UK, to visit family & friends in the UK frequently, They also went to UK friends for longish periods in the summer without me from around 7 yrs old.
They’ve seen London at Xmas, been to theatre, been to the pub with cousins. etc etc
They are now independent adults, they love English humour, they are proud of their English heritage. They may be more English than French
They have also benefitted from French schooling, health system, climate, cuisine, they ski, they sail…….

I wonder if it maybe its you who is melancholy & homesick more than anything else.
Plus, playing Conkers is just a myth. Childhood in the present era is completely digital different

I understand how you feel because I am in the same (but opposite) situation. I moved to the UK 15 years ago from a South European country, both my children were born here and are British citizen. We visit my home country a couple of times a year and we only speak my language at home (DH is from same country as me), and at the moment they probably speak that better than English, but my eldest is only 4 and I know over time they will become more and more "British", especially once they start school.

It doesn't matter how long you live in a different country, you never feel 100% integrated in the culture, and having DCs gives you a very different perspective on this. There's so much more to learn as parents when you are an expat, from nursery rhymes to social norms around playdates etc. I also understand the feeling of sadness around not passing on your cultural identity and heritage, and also nostalgic feelings both for the childhood you had and for the one you imagined your children would have. I do believe they will have a richer cultural identity, and overall I think it's a positive, but we have to learn how to navigate this as parents and as individuals

I was born and raised it UK to West Indian parents and I feel a connection to both :)
it always felt special to be a part of two cultures.

It is strange, I agree. Perhaps being in London was never meant to be permanent, it just ended up being. I also think it’s quite a man thing to want your son to be the image of you. Perhaps that’s sexist but it’s certainly what I’ve noticed amongst my friendship groups.

I did leave .... I no longer live in the UK