To feel sad that my Dd will not really know what it’s like to be British

[Nochristmasvibesasofyet]

We live abroad, Dh and I both British, Dd is 6 and was born where we live. We have been ‘Back home’ a couple of times for short holidays, but mainly everyone comes to us.
Ive started to feel sad recently that she won’t experience a British childhood/upbringing, unless we move in the next few years-will it be too late then?
How important is it that we try to keep her informed of her heritage (if that’s the right word!)

Even if you brought her up in England, she won't have the childhood that you had. My kids childhood was vastly different to mine, which in some ways makes me sad. There isn't the freedom anymore.

i classed myself as dual nationality until I was about 25 and settled in the UK

Why are you embarrassed to be British? Who are you embarrassed in front off?

Do you try and hide the fact you’re British?

Is this the trendy thing to say? I see it on FB a lot.

I grew up in a country that my parents had emigrated to and now I live in the uk. So we have got three traditions to pick from in our family. If dh was from a fourth country we would have 4 traditions.

I talk a lot about my childhood to my kids and so far they like to listen and hear my stories. I also talk about and follow the traditions that I loved as a child in addition to the English traditions that my kids want to follow. I think the trick is not to replace anything that means anything to anyone but to add to it. They shouldn't be in conflict with each other but complement each other. That's what my parents did when I was a child. They never asked me to choose. We just embraced it all.

If you want to give your kids a sense of British life then what might help is to find children's books that depict that life or at least the parts that you enjoyed and want to pass on.

We moved to Canada when DS was a baby, and back for family reasons when he was 3. And I completely understand what you are saying! We discussed at the time that it would be so weird to have a child who played ice hockey and baseball not football or rounders, and who talked about Canadian cartoons not British ones.

As it happens he is a bit of a mishmash - he still says “fire truck” not “fire engine” because that is what he learned first, but he has a strong South London accent. He did actually grow up loving lots of Canadian kids tv (paw patrol, Dino Dana, wild kratts) but still has mostly UK cultural references. His British childhood is pretty different to mine anyway, just because I’m 35 years older than him, and I grew up in a little village and he grew up in London.

Do you genuinely feel sad for your child or are you just feeling nostalgic?

I understand how you feel, OP. My DCs were all born and brought up in the US, and I remember feeling they would never bother with their Irish side. I remember the dismay at hearing them gradually develop the local accent the more they mixed with other kids in school.

I made a point, when they were kids, of reading British and Irish children's literature to them and using phrases from the likes of Winnie the Pooh, Beatrix Potter books, etc, in everyday conversation, just to make sure their fond memories would include something of their heritage. I cooked (and still cook) traditional Irish/ British festive meals, favourite baked goodies and everyday meals. The only thing I haven't tried is spotted dick.

At the same time, I encouraged them to participate up to their necks in everything the local area offered - arts, sports, friendships. They needed to bloom where they were planted, and after all I chose to plant them there.

They all chose to get their Irish passports as adults.

You have rose tinted spectacles about growing up in the UK. It's bloody cold, wet , divided, negative and grim. They are growing up in their culture. you can still plonk a turkey on the table at Christmas and do those "British" things

I think it is important to share her heritage with her. Can you come back at least once a year for a holiday? And as she gets older perhaps she'll be able to do family visits alone, to grandparents, cousins, etc. Also, find some good British TV shows to watch together and chat about, if she's not too young for that.

I also have a third culture kids book - not the one named above, as I myself grew up in 3 different European countries.

I also have a son who's dad is from another continent altogether...

We live in the country I and birth family are from.
Not UK.

I was in London this year and loved it. Been many times.

I think there a lot of kids growing up in different places. My kid is a third country kid. My parents were immigrants to the UK, we now live in a different country. I think it’s nice that she’s connected to three different places. It’s a lot more common now, I understand your own nostalgia but tbh your kid is probably going to be perfectly happy. We make a lot of effort when we are back in the UK to make sure she sees as much of it as possible as well as pending time with family. Perhaps try to get back to the UK more.

I live in the UK ,have never lived elsewhere and I don't understand my heritage or culture..I'm not Scottish or Irish,I'd of felt more of an understanding to that ,I'm just white British..I don't feel anything making me feel I belong here ,or I'm part of being here .
Maybe I need to start a thread asking what being British means to other people

I agree with you. My family is all Scottish, with a typical Scottish out playing in the housing estate upbringing- we are in Australia and none of that where we live. Wish I’d had the chance to bring her up in the UK. The idea of beach living isn’t a thing for many people as it’s expensive. Real life in Melbourne is mostly miserable and expensive (for us)

I get what you mean OP - we live abroad and my DH is American so our kids speak fluent English but as they get older I think they will definitely identify with the local culture more than with either of our cultures. Do you have any British friends where you live who could recreate some traditions with you? I find these feelings surface in the run-up to Christmas because many of my favourite childhood memories are from this time of year and my kids will have a whole different set of cultural references. I worry about them feeling like they don't fully fit in anywhere, but I guess there are advantages too - bilingualism, dual nationality, more awareness of cultural differences etc.

I am amused at all people being so defensive at the criticism of Britain. I was born and brought up here, and love it. But of course it’s not perfect. Why do people take it so personally when others criticise it? We don’t live in a communist dictatorship where we have to swear allegiance and adore the country and leader etc, you know!

This is similar to my situation. Born in the UK but moved to another country as a toddler, so grew up with that culture instead ( although I had a British parent). I've lived back in the UK since I was a young adult, and don't feel fully part of either culture - and my accent is confused enough that every place I go in the world people ask me where I'm from.

I'm proud of both heritages though...make sure your DC is too!

She had her own childhood. Her own identity. I’m sure she’s enjoying her life very much.

It’s really daft to say she’s missing out. She’s not at all. It’s your projection. Thinking that what you had is something she should have. Why? That’s your childhood. Not hers. Just make sure she has fun, has support, enjoys herself.

But she's not going to get those, even if you move back - it just wouldn't be the same experience for her as the one you have in mind. And by 6,a lot of things are already instilled in her which would give her a different outlook anyway 👍

And as others have said, it wouldn’t be the same anyway. My children aren’t having what I had in Britain.

how attached people are is surely individual.

I grew up in same place in South West... As an adult I've lived in several different places.

I feel attachment to all of these different places... Some of which I've lived at key parts in my life of over a decade.

I think beibf able to have influence from multiple places is good... Bilingialism is epic!

It’s on mn a fair bit too.

I know what you mean OP. It's particularly things at primary school which got to me - like no nativity play, no assemblies, no big sports day (which i have fond memories of).
We visit family often enough that I do feel like they have a sense of British-ness (whatever that may mean to them).
On the plus side, I envy their language skills and embrace the local childhood traditions which they participate in.

🙄

You don’t feel it as you’ve never been anywhere else. It’s the same for everyone from any country. Of course you don’t understand it’s relevance to you culturally if you’ve never been foreign.

This. I've had the good fortune to have been born with the name of a free, prosperous country on my passport but I can definitely see the place has a lot of flaws.

Presently, the number of people who seem to think England is god's own chosen land and any criticism of it is akin to treason are ironically making it a more uncomfortable place to be. I've lived all over the world - life and opportunities in the UK are pretty good. The undercurrent of weird anger swilling around at the moment isn't good.