To feel sad that my Dd will not really know what it’s like to be British

[Nochristmasvibesasofyet]

We live abroad, Dh and I both British, Dd is 6 and was born where we live. We have been ‘Back home’ a couple of times for short holidays, but mainly everyone comes to us.
Ive started to feel sad recently that she won’t experience a British childhood/upbringing, unless we move in the next few years-will it be too late then?
How important is it that we try to keep her informed of her heritage (if that’s the right word!)

I lived in England from birth to six months. Then I went to university in England. Then I moved here permanently from the age of 26.

Given how many people pitch up in London / the South East there's a high chance she'll end up here at some point, with fluent English and UK parents.

I think it's normal to have mixed feelings about raising kids in a different country because they have a Spanish (or whatever) identity you can't share. The chances are though she will see herself as Spanish-English

Where was this out of interest? Did you stay or move back?
I also don’t want her to feel as if she has no definite connection to either. I mean if she was born here, is she actually still English if we both are?

And you feel more British than the country you were brought up in from 6 months to 18 years?

Not being funny @Nochristmasvibesasofyet but why did you even move to this 'South Europe' country? It sounds like you regret it somewhat, and you're homesick. I would be too. I would never leave the UK. It has its flaws of course, but it's home, and I love it.

It's always something, I was brought up in a rural area in North of England. It shocks me that my kids are Southern and urban. Which they are perfectly happy with.

Spain. I moved back aged 19, but went back twice during my 20s for months at a time.
That is a problem.. coming back I had no connection to England. It took a very, very long time to feel settled here. I was very homesick for Spain.
The English friends I had there that were born there considered themselves Spanish.

I'm living the opposite. DH and I are both non-British but we have lived in England our entire adult lives. Our DC was born here and has never lived in the country where DH and I were both born and raised, and DC is definitely "British." Our children are individuals and they will have more that is their own than that they share in common with their parents, regardless of where they grow up.

Why is it more embarrassing than being from South Europe? Where are you from?

What opportunities would you say you had there that you didn’t in the uk?

Yes definitely - my sister and I went to an international school and were educated mainly in English. We were surrounded by people who were not native to the country we lived in.

We were always going to leave - mainly, I think, due to English being the language we spoke the best.

Maybe that sounds sad. And I do hold that country in affection, but I never became that nationality.

My connections are to England and to my Mum’s country. I think growing up in a third country has meant that I am eternally looking for “home”. My day dream now is that I go and live in my Mum’s country as I have “done” England. This is not that simple however!!

Every time I go to the EU I feel happier than in I do in London. I'm actually starting to hate this country every single day

I wonder if you are a bit idyllic about your childhood? Mine was like yours it sounds like and I look back and think how lucky I was to express the balance of freedom and safety I did in the 90's. We live in a lovely, safe village and even then my girls don't experience the same freedoms I did - oldest is 10 and I mentioned to her best friends mum if they could call for each other like I used to do when I was young - she looked horrified and thought it would be very 'unsafe'.

So what you are thinking your children may be missing out on may not be the reality anymore unfortunately

I should add that actually I lived in England from 0 to 6 months, then my Mum’s country until I was about 4, then the third country to 18. Don’t know if that changes anything 😂! Then the third country after I was back from university until I was 25. Then my Mum’s country until I was 26 which is when I settled in England.

Should have included that detail earlier!

How old is he? See I consider my Dd as being English as do others I think, even though she’s bilingual…it’s tricky

I think people like your dd do sometimes feel rootless. She is not completely one thing or the other. That is a loss. On the other hand, she will be gaining hugely in other ways.

I think one of the key experiences when your children start growing up is that the parents start to see that even the child’s life has finite possibilities. A baby could be or do literally anything. But even by the age of six, the possibilities have started to shrink. You realise that the window for being a prima ballerina, or bilingual, or having a childhood near the beach, is closing.

You also realise that their lives may be very different to yours and I think that’s particularly the case for parents who educate the child in a way that takes the child away from them. Immigrants like you often experience this, but so do people who come from a modest background but send their children to private school. Or people who were raised in a religion that they don’t pass on. It’s the grief of the child being disconnected from you. Obviously how much this matters is up to you. For some people, passing their culture on is everything. For others, they actively want ‘the new’ for their children. But it’s ok for you to bring up your child in a way that is meaningful to you.

My kids were born in the UK but don’t remember it at all. We went back for family holidays twice a year and have visitors all the time but they’re definitely Americans. I think it helped that everyone is from everywhere here but we’re all New Yorkers.

Teaching your daughter about family traditions- yes, absolutely. They often overlap with what’s British too. But don’t worry about her feeling British- it really doesn’t matter.

Yes I have wondered this and that’s sad and I’ve wondered if she in actuality probably has more of that 80/90’s childhood where we are. I suppose they can’t live the same as we did

I left England when I was six and only moved back at 18. Always felt British and english. Both parents are English though

Where did you move to?

The lifestyle itself. The environment and the relaxed way of living. People are happier, more friendly. You live a more outdoorsy lifestyle in the hot weather and beautiful scenery, providing a healthier mindset. England feels so closed in and depressing in comparison.
I don't mean opportunities as in education etc, although learning a second language was obviously a benefit. Just the opportunity to live that way of life.

Of course it does. We are very blessed to live in Britain.

Yes I think you’ve captured a lot of what I feel there, is does feel a disconnect from me in a way (it doesn’t bother Dh)
I also worry that time is running out and we’d have to decide soon to either bring her up in the uk and have those roots or not. I don’t want her to feel rootless

She's just having a different yet no less valid experience than you did. She's probably going to have childhood memories based on endless sunny days, for a start - and you won't get that at home as climate change seems to have delivered endless gloom.

She would never have the same childhood as you did as time moves on if you'd lived here - likewise, your childhood and that of your parents must have differed. As others have said, you might be romanticising the past a bit - she's got the opportunity to be bilingual, which is really great.

What age were they when they moved to the states?