To feel sad that my Dd will not really know what it’s like to be British

[Nochristmasvibesasofyet]

We live abroad, Dh and I both British, Dd is 6 and was born where we live. We have been ‘Back home’ a couple of times for short holidays, but mainly everyone comes to us.
Ive started to feel sad recently that she won’t experience a British childhood/upbringing, unless we move in the next few years-will it be too late then?
How important is it that we try to keep her informed of her heritage (if that’s the right word!)

my DCs grew up in the country they were born in, not the UK where their parents are from.

But they consider themselves culturally British, mostly due to the way they consume media etc.

It's pretty much a non-issue for them, as adults now.

I kind of get what you are saying as I moved later in life, to where my grandchildren were born, and I missed sharing the traditions with them that I grew up with

They are learning different traditions but me and granddad keep OUR traditions going and they are getting the best of both worlds

They dont identify as British, but they understand we do and are, ( nor does their father ) and we all muddle along somehow.

We live beside the sea, they are getting well used to having beach walks, flasks of tea and sandwiches in the car watching the rain :)

And we are learning and intrigating into their fathers beliefs and traditions , the ones they are being bought up in

What passport does she hold? Does she have a British one or a Spanish one?

i think you are homesick but your daughter will probably consider herself from the country she was born in.

She is immersed in the culture and raised in it. The only thing you can do is talk in English and talk about your heritage as much as you can. Also try to visit family or friends in the UK so that she can see the cultural differences

Im saving this for tomorrow to reply more. . We moved in a similar situation- DC were 4 and 6 and are now 18 and 21. I will be back tomorrow.

It's pathetic and laughable. All the 'Britiain is shit' 'I'm embarrassed to be British la la la la' bollox, ALWAYS comes from people born and raised here, who have no idea how fucking lucky they are to live here, to have been born here, and to be British. If they don't like it, they can always move to Iran. See how that works out for them!

Honestly, it makes me sick to my stomach when people start babbling on about how AWFUL the UK is, and how terribly embarrassed and ashamed they are to be British. No-one in the world bashes and berates the British like some British people do. They think it makes them sound cool, and quirky, and edgy. They just sound like spoilt brats who don't know how privileged they are!!

Oh and it's not all grim days and grey skies living in Britain FGS. We have just had a brilliant Spring and Summer, and many springs and summers are nice, or at least OK some of the time. And we have a beautiful country, with stunning scenery! It's so rude and ignorant to label it as some kind of shithole (as some people do!)

Many other countries have inclement weather sometimes, and the 'hot' countries suffer hurricanes and tornadoes and biblical flooding. Also, life for young people/teenagers is no easier or better in any other country! Nowhere is bloody perfect. Such ignorant comments, created to pour doom and negativity on living in Britain. Funnily enough, the biggest whingers about this country have never and WILL never leave. They're all full of hot air.

I grew up in the Uk but both my parents are from a European country. I’ve always felt like I belong to both cultures.
They kept their culture alive by cooking their food, we spoke the language at home, we watched their films and travelled back annually. I got to know the nuances and jokes and traditions by visiting in the summer hols.
So just do that!
They will prob love being British and be proud of it.

Same here, though DH is British so they are all very much British and I am the odd one out. I do feel sad about them growing differently to the way I did and not sharing that part of my culture. I also felt the same about DH pre-kids, it is weird having lots of references he wouldn't get.

OP, I would highly recommend getting your DD to watch British TV if you can. It's really helped mine, they know lots about popular culture and music now and my heart is so happy when they sing songs from the artists of my childhood. And also obviously spending as much time as possible with your families.

Overall, as sad as it is, i just try to remember what a gift it is to them. Anything I can teach them and them being bilingual will be a huge advantage, so it's not all bad. In a way I'm quite happy for them to be mainly British, rather than fully 50/50 as I think it can feel a bit rootless (I certainly do feel that way, having spent half of my life here).

I think if you are bringing her up in another country, you should allow her to integrate and become part of the culture of that country, or else she might never feel she fits in anywhere. She won't grow up British if she doesn't live here.

Conker fights: they are no more, kids aren’t allowed to do that at school now and I think most kids would look at you gone out.

Rainy caravan holidays - always shit. These were the only holidays I had as a kid. If they’d been filled with warmth, fun and family interaction I’d maybe feel differently. The important thing is that you have holidays as a family unit. Culture just gives you a way to frame it.
Blackpool: beyond shit. Any theme park in Europe will knock it into a cocked hat.

Primary schools are generally nice in most of the EU (unless you are in France)

Are you sure the yearning is not you questioning whether you did the right thing by moving overeseas?

I do get it is hard to be first gen immigrants, and watch your kids grow up somewhere you didn’t. They seem to be growing away from you more than they otherwise would.

However, you have done them a massive, massive favour. They are bilingual and presumably have freedom of movement.

Make your own traditions. The things that raally matter to kids aren’t fitting in with their nation; it’s fitting in and belonging with their family.

I am mixed race - half English, my dad is British and migrated to North Africa, where he met my mother.

I was born and bred in North Africa, and was told multiple times that I wasn’t British.
I didn’t have a British childhood or British references growing up

You have rose tinted glasses. Conkers? She is an incredibly lucky child to not be brought up here IMO. This country doesn't have all that much going for it.

Something to think about is how she may want to stay forever in the country you’re in now and have her family there. If you and DH want to return to the UK it may mean you live abroad from your DD and any DGC.

My DF’s cousin migrated to Australia and had a DD. She’d like to return to the UK but now can’t as she has an Australian daughter who’d never leave. Something to consider.

Being raised in an immigrant household will still infuse your kids somewhat with that immigrant (in this case - “British”) culture. But yeah your child will have an at least hybrid / mixed identity. It’s cool - gives them a wider perspective.

OP, I totally understand it. I'm the other way around. I'm from a Southern Eropean country but living in Ireland for more than 20 years and my kids are born here, now teenagers.
I felt the same sadness when they were little, when they were responding to me in English and the feeling that they are your children but not the way you imagine it . You are right, their childhoods won't be what your childhood was. And they will feel from the country you live- and they are raised.

I would advise to always talk to them in English- even if they reply in their native language. So if you live in Spain, they might prefer to talk to you in Spanish but don't give in, keep always talking to them in English.

The good news is that once they are teens they have two languages and curiosity about their heritage of where his family come from. It's then when they like to explore their "English" part of them (in your case). That is what's happening to my now teenagers. They think it's cool that part of them xx

Apologies if I sent my post twice

If not for Brexit I’d say you know where the port/airport is, byeee. But now you are stuck here. There’s always Ireland I guess.

I wonder about this op. My kids are British by birth but we’ve been in the EU since they were small and I’m realising that their connection to Britain will soon be purely a piece of paper. They now often speak their second language with each other and they have no clue about culturally British things. It too makes me a bit sad.

Yes to all this. My husband and I grew up in the states but moved here 20 years ago and our kids were born here. They’re more Scottish than anything else, but not entirely - they have American grandparents and American traditions. My husband and I are also two different religions and the kids are a mash of both so all together their lives are very different to what ours were. Pluses and minuses of all these decisions and no ‘right’ option

Allow them to define themselves (not saying you aren’t already doing that). My parents are from different countries, and my family emigrated from my home country when I was a child. I’ve also emigrated again in adulthood. I’ve been shaped by all the cultural influences I’ve been exposed to, and I’m grateful to my parents for allowing that to be the case, rather than trying to insist that I must I identify as X or Y because they do.

Conversely to those that feel rootless or that they don’t belong, I personally really like not feeling tied to any one place geographically and/or culturally. That to me is something positive, not a drawback or loss at all.

Your children may or may not be interested in exploring and/or connecting their heritage in later years, that will be their choice. Something like that is very much dependent on the individual.

My children, mid-primary and early secondary, were born and raised (so far at least ) in England. I and their father are from another European country. My kids consider themselves British. In my mind I always see them as coming from my home country, but they most definitely identify as British from around 5-6 years of age. My husband is sad that they do not have the same childhood experiences that we had - similar to you. But they are having a lovely childhood, and so did we, they are just different.

Yes I'm the same. I want my kids to have proper Christmases, Halloween, Bonfire night, the whole thing. It makes me really sad. My partner is from the Country we live in but if we were both British I would be moving back. I would be moving back now but because of Brexit and the harsh immigration laws we can't afford to. Why don't you visit more? We made two trips back from Australia before my child was 2. Southern Europe isn't hard.

Another thing to consider is if they have kids outside the UK, those kids will have no claim to any British passport and will just be treated as foreigners like everyone else. So then the British connection is lost.

I'm a third culture kid, which is what you are bringing your daughter up to be.
There is definitely a sense of rootlessness that comes with it, and a sense of not quite fitting in wherever you live. That has pros and cons - it also means I'm comfortable anywhere and have lived in lots of different countries and travelled extensively. There are a few good books on third culture kids - 'Raising Up a Generation of Healthy Third Culture Kids: A Practical Guide to Preventive Care'

South east asia
Went to international schools until I was 13, then a British school, then English uni
International sports helped a lot in keeping a hold of my heritage because I don’t remember living in England