Husband wants to move to dubai

[Dilemma87]

My husband is a businessman in property and with the recent proposed tax changes and new rules putting limits on how long he can keep doing things from the UK, he’s now saying he needs to move to Dubai and operate from there.

We actually have some friends there, and his business partner is already based out there, so on paper it all sounds easy enough. His plan is to buy a second property in Dubai and move there by himself, while I stay here with the kids.

The problem is, the children are really settled one’s in high school and the other is due to start soon, so moving them just isn’t an option. He’s suggested that we (me and the kids) fly out to Dubai every school holiday to spend time with him.

The catch is, under his visa he can only be out of Dubai for 90 days a year, so he’d basically have to live there full-time.

AIBU to think this is just not going to work long-term? I can’t help but feel like this is the start of living completely separate lives.

Paying more tax is hard for some people. It hurts them to see their hand earned money get forcefully taken.

I think we do live in a meritocracy, work hard at school, uni, get a good job and work hard in that.

Who is "hoarding" all this wealth?

As others have pointed out, if this is going to kill the relationship, and it sounds like it would, you need to divorce him before he disappears to Dubai and takes all of his money with him. You won’t have any claim in the money he makes when he’s living out there.

Because he, his wife and his children are benefiting from the infrastructure and services that UK taxpayers fund.

Benefitting while actively avoiding responsibilities such as taxes is characteristic of parasites.

Its not what's I'd want from a marriage personally but I'm not you. And I'm not sure what message it's giving to the DC. Money is worth more than family life, perhaps?

Sounds like he’s gets money out of jurisdiction so he can divorce you cheaply

My husband had an amazing opportunity to work in Saudi 30 years ago....we had 3 very young children at the time...my immediate reply was...WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN! To this day it remains the biggest regret of my life...GO....make a new life and enjoy. The children grow up, start their own lives and leave you behind in a trail of dust.

It really is if you fail to take into account anything else! For example, a very quick Google will tell you that rape victims were being prosecuted for sex outside of marriage until 2020. Amendments have been made since, however the burden of proof for non-consensual sex is extremely high and victims still fear coming forward. There are way fewer rights, custody laws are a nightmare Charming place for women. But yeah, ok, for them woman = vagina so it's all good.

Do you really think we live in a meritocracy? Do you think family wealth, education opportunities, health...play no part? I don't believe that anyone actually believes this.

Do you think a carer working 50 hours a week is not working as hard as someone that has accrued wealth by turning over properties after getting an initial foot on the ladder with family support.

People hoarding wealth are those that avoid paying their fair share of tax, outsource their responsilities to lower paid or unpaid others, hide their wealth in trusts and offshore interests...

Have to say I’m in agreement with @cardibach. OP will be using schools, hospitals, roads etc all paid through our taxes, whilst her wealthy DP dodges tax out in a misogynist theme park. Not a great look.

I know a couple who recently moved. If that’s the type of people who make thr move then good luck to you. Money-obsessed individuals.
I also know someone who lived there a few years ago - I think went with their dh for his work - and she said the human rights abuses of ‘regular’ workers ie, builders etc was abhorrent.
So it’s a no from me.

It definitely wouldn’t be for me, but school holidays are about 13 weeks of the year, maybe up to 15 or 16 in private schools. So that’s over 3 months of the year, and 90 days is approximately 3 months of the year, so the kids could see him roughly 1/2 the year.

It really does sound as if this will be the end of your marriage OP. What will happen if you say no? Will he go anyway? I'd really be taking a hard look at the situation and considering whether it would benefit you to divorce him while he's still in this country. I don't much fancy your chances if he does indeed find a new girlfriend in Dubai.

It's a really nice lifestyle there as well, and i don't mean the bling party stuff which will burn through your money.

It's very safe, clean and just generally a well run place. It's easy to make friends as you're all in the same boat. And you meet the best of people from all over the world, all law abiding and there to work and make a better life for their families.

No weed stink, no stabbings, no crowds of teens with their faces covered, no terrorist attacks.

And the weather is great apart from the very hot summers, but plenty of air-con to keep those comfortable.

Yes. People leaving doesn't bother me but it is annoying that when the shit hits the fan they race back.

I think Dubai might be OK if you are rich and like that sort of a place e.g. like going to shopping centres, impressed by fancy restaurants but if you are found to be gay, break the law in some way (e.g. very hypocritical laws on having consumed alcohol/sex outside marriage) become poor or get into debt it could become a nightmare.

Was it after the 2008 financial crash that people were fleeing Dubai leaving their cars at the airport as to be in debt could see them imprisoned?

It's not my sort of place anyway. I wouldn't go even on holiday. Definitely wouldn't take my kids to live there. How do you mitigate against them ever being poor as adults and unable to support themselves? What would happen to them then? I'm guessing back to the uk and the uk would be expected to pick up the pieces?

I wonder how many would go if they couldn't keep their British citizenship to act as their comfort blanket?

I have told him I don’t like this friendships but he carries on.

Only because you haven't laid down the law to him. He stops or he gets out.

but this would provide us more financial security in our old age

You realise you won't be together to enjoy that money 'in your old age'. He will have pissed off long ago. It will be his money.

Just tell him no and that's it and that's final.

Id be divorcing him while he is in the UK

Id be divorcing him while he is in the UK

I wish I had had this kind of opportunity when I was younger - GO and have a wonderful life there. Kids will settle in quickly and you will have a great lifestyle.

Ask him which he prioritises: his business and money or his children. Seeing children only in school holidays is not being a decent caring involved father.
If he does go don't be surprised if DC's behaviour deteriorates especially if teenagers - they will likely really miss their Dad, and he won't be around to support them through exams and career choices etc.
If he does go make sure plenty of money is transferred to you and stash it in accounts in yours and/or the children's names. (NB I know nothing about the tax implications of doing this).
BTW I don't understand the Visa thing - can you explain?

100% going to be cheating on you if he moves out there on his own.

Dubai, the utopia that will lock up your teens if they turn out to be gay?

God - Dubai! Vom!!!!

I reckon someone who wants to move to Dubai for tax reasons should be completely free to do so. Good riddance to bad rubbish. But perhaps they shouldn't be allowed a foothold in both places. Wife and kids in the UK enjoying the goods a liberal democracy has to offer, while hubby saving the tax he should pay to contribute to that life. And the dissonance on this doesn't even occur to you!

Off he goes, then.

As a woman, no way would I move to Dubai, I certainly wouldn’t want my children growing up in such a country. There’s many many issues with Dubai.

if my DH was so lacking of understanding and so keen to move thousands of miles away, meaning all the kids holidays were spent away from their home and friends, only travelling to a single very problematic country I would be divorcing him.

His choice lose half his wealth snd lose his family.

Pay his taxes and keep his family

Of course it plays a part, but you still have the potential to succeed in the UK if you put your mind to it?

Carers are low paid unfortunately because the government can limit and restrict funding, so it's not their fault.

What do you mean by "turning over properties"? Working in real estate and/or managing a portfolio?