Stage 4 lung cancer that’s spread.. what to do?

[AmberHiker]

Hi everyone,
I could really use some advice because I’m feeling torn about what to do.

We’ve got a holiday booked with Virgin Holidays for March 2026 — total cost £4,500, deposit £350.

But we’ve just found out that my brother-in-law (who lives in Turkey) has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that’s already spread to his legs and rib cage. Obviously, it’s devastating news and my husband may need to fly back to Turkey at short notice to be with him.

Now I don’t know what to do about the holiday. If I cancel now, we’d probably just lose the deposit (£350). If I wait until closer to the date, we could lose a lot more money. But I also don’t want to risk my husband needing to go home and our son being left with a family member and me so far away

Has anyone dealt with Virgin Holidays or other companies in similar compassionate circumstances? Did they allow you to cancel or postpone without losing everything?

Would you cancel now and take the £350 loss, or hold off and hope things settle?
I just feel stuck and not sure what the most sensible thing to do is 💔

My hubby had the targeted therapy, it was just one tablet a day, some side effects but meds to counteract them. He had radiotherapy to the bone mets to reduce the pain from them.

Prognosis of how long he has maybe but to not share the extent of his true diagnosis blows my mind. How can he understand his symptoms and treatment if he doesn’t understand or know his full diagnosis? How can his adult children and wife prepare themself if they are denied to know he isn’t going to have a chance of cure ? It’s totally wrong

Is he still having that treatment ?

wait until the day before you have to pay the balance and decide then.

It's hard to explain but it's likely family would be told more than the patient but even then n there is a big emphasis on maintaining hopefulness and treating until the very end.

Turkish patients and families in the UK will be just as outraged as you by the way we do things here.

I don’t think we can necessarily judge another country’s accepted practice by our own. This maybe widely accepted by patients, relatives and medical community in Turkey. It may be very distressing for the BIL if he is told of the diagnosis etc if it is not a practice that is usual in that country.

It's not "totally wrong". It's what Turkish people do in their own country and culture.

No, but it worked for him for about 18months.

MRI shows 3 small spots in brain, he’s in for lazer treatment on Monday but dr wants to get a second opinion on what is the best treatment going forward so as of now no treatment plan. The family are happy it’s described as small I don’t think they understand it’s still in 3 areas of the brain ….

@AmberHiker I really recommend you watch the film The Farewell. Its theme is similar to what you are describing. I started feeling as uncomfortable as you are about withholding information but ended up having more respect for the practices of other cultures.

Good wishes to you all.