Stage 4 lung cancer that’s spread.. what to do?

[AmberHiker]

Hi everyone,
I could really use some advice because I’m feeling torn about what to do.

We’ve got a holiday booked with Virgin Holidays for March 2026 — total cost £4,500, deposit £350.

But we’ve just found out that my brother-in-law (who lives in Turkey) has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that’s already spread to his legs and rib cage. Obviously, it’s devastating news and my husband may need to fly back to Turkey at short notice to be with him.

Now I don’t know what to do about the holiday. If I cancel now, we’d probably just lose the deposit (£350). If I wait until closer to the date, we could lose a lot more money. But I also don’t want to risk my husband needing to go home and our son being left with a family member and me so far away

Has anyone dealt with Virgin Holidays or other companies in similar compassionate circumstances? Did they allow you to cancel or postpone without losing everything?

Would you cancel now and take the £350 loss, or hold off and hope things settle?
I just feel stuck and not sure what the most sensible thing to do is 💔

I'm sorry to hear about your bil.

Wait until after the oncologist appointment to find out his actual prognosis.

My mum was diagnosed in Feb with stage 4 lung cancer, spread to the liver. We initially thought she had months. With immunotherapy the oncologist said she could have 1 - 2 years. Currently doing well.

We had a holiday booked for July. I was going to cancel. She wouldn't hear of it. We went and she was absolutely fine. No one here can know your bil's prognosis.

Wait for appt and see how your dh feels.

Ask about swapping it to March 2027.

I wouldnt book anything else, even the following year. If he had a prognosis of 1 - 2 years they might be actually be better going this March. That's why I'd wait until he has his appointment with oncologist.

I'd cancel. It will be hanging over you. It could happen any time.

We successfully claimed when we cancelled a trip because my FIL was ill, we did know that it was likely that he would die whilst we were due to be away.

You're likely to lose the £350, but, IMO, it's a small price to pay when it's highly likely that you will need to be home to support your DH.

How old is your son and would you have any other options for him if your DH was called away suddenly. As others have said, waiting for the prognosis is probably sensible. If months then I’d cancel, if you’re looking at a year or two then your holiday would be fine. I’d try and leave it as close to the deadline where you’d only be liable for the deposit.

Cancel the holiday.

from outside looking in, it’s a no brainer.

What's £350 against a (potentially) dying relative.

I'd cancel.

I’d hold off cancelling at least until he’s got more of a prognosis in the next couple of weeks and the shock has worn off a bit.

Unless you lose more than the £350 by waiting til then. In that case I’d cancel now.

Sadly my experience with this type of cancer is that diagnosis to death was horrifying fast- within 6 weeks. Whether that means you going on your holiday or not - only you know, it depends on what support your DH and his family will need from you.

This I’m afraid. Survival for lung cancer is still really bad, especially after it’s spread. Even with full treatment and the newer immunotherapies, he’s extremely unlikely to live much longer. It is likely that the future will now be anxiety inducing and stressful - it would be impossible to get all excited and hyped about the trip with that going on in the background.

My lovely friend was only 53 and died just 10 weeks after diagnosis as her cancer did not respond to any treatment.

personally, I’d and do a shorter trip with DD if money can stretch. The original trip can be rebooked in the future. 💐

I was booked to go on a girl’s holiday when my husband was diagnosed with cancer. I phoned the travel agency and they allowed me to use the amount paid as a credit against my next holiday. So, once my husband finished treatment and was well enough, we booked a trip with the credit. They might let you do that - worth phoning and asking.

Cancel. My Mum passed away within three weeks of being told she had stage 4 lung cancer and it had spread to her liver and bones. It was incredibly fast.

Better to cancel and take the loss rather than having months of uncertainty and wondering what to do.

Contact Virgin and tell them all this, ask if they can hold the deposit for another holiday. Under the circumstances, having the money there for a family holiday when everything is "settled" may be good therapy. It may even be worth considering a Virgin holiday in Turkey, so your husband gets to spend some time with his brother rather than waiting to go at the worst stage.

Its a horrible situation to be in and there are no right answers, just the ones you can stand by. Also, asking your husband to make decisions based on this sudden, despairing news, is unlikely to representative of what he would say if this Hindenburg was floating over his head. News like this may trigger grief like responses.

Good luck to you all,

Cancel the holiday...

But they will pay out if the brother’s condition deteriorates significantly such that he would be likely to die during or before the holiday. Which is why I’m assuming OP has no insurance.

Where is your holiday? Is it easy to fly back home or to Turkey in an emergency? Is there anyone that could look after your son if necessary?

I’m kind of with your husband on this, you can’t just stop everything just in case. I’d wait until he gets a proper prognosis and then decide, but if I’m being totally honest stage 4 metastised could mean he has weeks left rather than months.

Definitely wait to see what the oncologist has to say before deciding. Depending on his fitness and the subtype of the cancer, his prognosis may be better than you are imagining, even at stage 4.

Surely you're insured?

Insurance won’t cover a pre-existing condition.

Not sure this would be covered, it's OP and daughter travelling. DH wasn't going.

Well it will if the condition wasn’t known about when they took the insurance out!

I was meant to be in America for a full week so I feel I would be far far away. Tomorrow he will meet his oncologist to go through the results and why they can offer , it’s blowing my mind as some of us know but he doesn’t . In Turkey it’s common and allowed for doctors to share results with close family before patient . My husbands parents are in their 70’s, my brother in law has a wife and 4 children the youngest being 10 years old . I suspect once he attends the appointment then the news will be fully shared as he himself has no idea.

I will watch and wait for news on tomorrow’s appointment . He’s been unwell for a long time, it was the broken rib from coughing that finally led him to the hospital and within a few days this was found and biopsy was done . I suspect the family who don’t know fear the worst already

Insurance?