Would you walk through a pitch dark park/nature reserve with your dh ?

[Thatsmellsgood]

Firstly, I was always brought up being told not to walk alone in isolated places, if I’m going to walk alone to stick to well lit/ busier streets. Logic was that you’re less likely to be attacked. Some people might disagree but it’s ingrained in me. Even now in my 40s my mum and dad will worry if they know I’ve been for a run along the cycle paths even in the day. My parents are very cautious people.

Dh is totally different, no fear or sense of danger, his parents are the total opposite they literally leave all their doors unlocked and their car unlocked. Used to leave dh and his sister in the holiday apartments while they went out drinking, they just don’t see risk in anything. Only saying this just to show they have no fear of risk.

We grew up in totally different places so that’s probably why.

Anyway on to my point, dh and I walk
a lot together, through the park or the woods. In the winter with the dark nights I’m more comfortable sticking to the residential streets. Dh thinks I’m being silly but goes with it. His logic is that you’re more likely to encounter danger in the street than up an isolated cycle path or in the park because there’ll be no one in the park at night.

I do see his logic, but my logic is that if there was an attacker of some sorts, the park is very isolated.

Dh is half deaf with bad knees so I don’t think he’d be much protection 🤣 we don’t live in a terrible place but we are in an area of fairly high crime not a lovely village

Yabu - it’s fine
Yanbu - it’s a bit dodgy

Yes I would. You need to relax. Take a torch.
You’re a grown ass woman - what on earth are you worried about what your parents would think at your age.

I go running in the dark by myself through nature reserves. I'm not limiting myself to boring street walks. In fact, I wouldn't even count that as a walk worth going on.

I also subscribe to the idea that anyone lurking in the woods in the drizzle at 5am has earned their attempt to attack me 😂

Yeah, of course. Just take a torch with you.

I think you may have misunderstood. I’m not worried what my parents think, I’m saying it’s been ingrained in me to stick to the well lit streets at night/in the dark.

You specifically said your parents worry about you if you've been for a run on a cycle path!

You shouldn’t let what your parents would think bother you at your age - why would you even tell them if you think it would worry them?

You can’t live your life in fear of things that are vanishingly unlikely to happen. Yes, I’d have no problem walking through there.

Yea but you have the power to change that being a fully formed competent adult. Saying it been ingrained in you is just an excuse at this age. Apply some critical thinking and logic.

Yes but only to illustrate how I’ve been brought up. Look I’m not looking for an argument it’s too early on a Sunday morning.

With my DH?- yes absolutely. He's a muscular fit man and can handle himself.

Would I go alone? - no way.

My main fear would be sexual attack and predators are mainly looking for easy targets - so, women alone.

Of course it’s safer to stick to well lit and busy areas! People are much less likely to attack you somewhere they’re going to be caught on camera and seen.

You're a lot less likely to be in danger when with someone else - anyone else - than alone. Most predators will nonchalantly pretend to be doing something else while a couple walk by (doesn't matter if it's a man & a woman or 2 women or whatever) and wait for the next passer by who might be solo, unless they are really desperate. However I still wouldn't walk through the park near our house even with DH late at night. There are occasional muggings and rapes in there and I'd always take the long way around the edge after dark unless it's winter and between sunset and 8pm when it's full of dogwalkers with their dogs all lit up like Christmas trees with luminous collars and leads and glow-in-the-dark dog toys.

When we were on honeymoon a hundred years ago we were in rural ireland and walking back to our accommodation from the nearby pub along an unlit rural lane close to midnight in the pitch black. When "something" jumped out at us (which later transpired to be a friendly and playful labrador) DH shrieked and hid behind me for the moments while we didn't know what it was, so I've never had an enormous amount of confidence in him as a sturdy protector.

Those are their fears and concerns that you’ve chosen to take on board. You don’t have to - you have a choice now, as an adult. Make your own assessments and use your own judgement.

With my DH...? Yes absolutely

Yes I would. But I'd stick to the paths. Wouldn't want to step on anything or trip on a root. I grew up in the city and I still have my sense of self-preservation, but the countryside feels a lot safer.

Yes absolutely.

But to me dark/isolated = potential danger

No, but I’m in London. Most men in my area seem to be just as cautious around our closest common.

I wouldn’t be as worried if I lived in a village bordering a park or forest, unless it was a known trouble spot.

I am relatively risk averse and would not go into a nature reserve after dark. When I commute in the winter months, I walk a longer route home from the train station even at 6pm to avoid this.

My DH does not take the same diversion though and does walk through. He is also not very risk averse as a personality type.

However I also think there is probably a male /female divide in how risky this situation is assessed in general.

Yes, I would and do. We live rurally and will often walk back from friends’ houses through a remote woodland. The only danger is tripping on tree roots.

No i wouldn't do this. It definitely depends on where you grew up. Two people can't fight off a group of teenagers who want to mug you, and teenagers do hang out in places like that smoking weed and messing around. It's not worth the risk.

That’s how I think.

I will take on board any other replies, but I wonder whether it depends on where you live.

We are in a city and there is a lot of crime.

Thanks for the giggle @Sillysoggyspaniel . OP it's understandable to not do those kinds of walks on your own but with your DH, even with the bad knees and deafness, you're safer. Attackers are usually out for vulnerable on their own people, usually a woman. Sounds like you need to relax a little about it and maybe DH needs to think about risk a bit more. Meet in the middle

That’s how I think, you tend to occasionally get groups smoking weed or people meeting their drug dealers.

I would, but I wouldn't make it a pattern. IE not at the same time every evening or every Thursday or something. Vary routes and schedules and with two people and heavy torches I think it would be fine.

I am cautious when in my own not with my dh. I walk during the day through open fields with my dog which you would think would be ok but then I remember poor Lin and Megan Russel and the circumstances and think nope. Just one EarPod and stay aware at all times. RIP