Would you walk through a pitch dark park/nature reserve with your dh ?

[Thatsmellsgood]

Firstly, I was always brought up being told not to walk alone in isolated places, if I’m going to walk alone to stick to well lit/ busier streets. Logic was that you’re less likely to be attacked. Some people might disagree but it’s ingrained in me. Even now in my 40s my mum and dad will worry if they know I’ve been for a run along the cycle paths even in the day. My parents are very cautious people.

Dh is totally different, no fear or sense of danger, his parents are the total opposite they literally leave all their doors unlocked and their car unlocked. Used to leave dh and his sister in the holiday apartments while they went out drinking, they just don’t see risk in anything. Only saying this just to show they have no fear of risk.

We grew up in totally different places so that’s probably why.

Anyway on to my point, dh and I walk
a lot together, through the park or the woods. In the winter with the dark nights I’m more comfortable sticking to the residential streets. Dh thinks I’m being silly but goes with it. His logic is that you’re more likely to encounter danger in the street than up an isolated cycle path or in the park because there’ll be no one in the park at night.

I do see his logic, but my logic is that if there was an attacker of some sorts, the park is very isolated.

Dh is half deaf with bad knees so I don’t think he’d be much protection 🤣 we don’t live in a terrible place but we are in an area of fairly high crime not a lovely village

Yabu - it’s fine
Yanbu - it’s a bit dodgy

And no I wouldn’t want to have to remember to bring a fucking torch with me anytime I went out to the cinema

Most phones have a torch function, and most people have their phones with them, so mostly, you don't have to remember.

Thanks, that’s right I was trying to demonstrate the complete opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to risk/what can feel safe.

It’s not a mad axeman hiding in the bushes (although my imagination does run away with me), it’s things like a muggings/knife crime, possibly being followed, we get a lot of illegal off road vehicles so I worry about being knocked over, there are sometimes groups smoking weed/drinking and although they’d be unlikely to want to bother a middle aged couple, it can feel intimidating. Having said that, things happen in broad daylight/any time/poace.

We are in a major city and there is a lot of crime. You get on with your life but I think you’re always aware of it and try to take some precautions.

Dh lived quite rurally and it was a culture shock moving to a city, I had to remind him to lock the door, his parents still think I’m ott for locking my front door during the day.

I wouldn't risk it. Although I'd be more worried about tripping over a tree root in the dark, or getting attacked by a dog, than someone attacking.

If you're not familiar with the area, and it's a moonless night, it might be tricky finding the way even with a torch? Complete dark can be disorientating if you're used to city parks with streetlights etc.

I prefer to travel in groups of 4 in remote areas at night. That way if someone twists an ankle and you have no phone signal, nobody has to be alone anywhere (including the person going for help!)

But why would you go out of your way to use your phone as a torch and pick your way along rocky paths in the dark this if you didn’t want to in the first place, and there are perfectly good streetlights elsewhere?

Just to placate a man?
To prove how tough you are?

If OP doesn’t want to do it, why on earth should she? Jesus wept.

I mean, any of us could make our lives more inconvenient and uncomfortable in all sorts of ways. But why should be capitulate to pressure to do so when it’s not necessary?

As a woman alone, absolutely not.

with my elderly father-in-law. Nope.

with my husband. Wouldn’t bat an eye. He isn’t a violent man in any way, but he looks like he can defend himself. He is also ridiculously strong.

some people are easier targets than others. being with an unlikely target is like carrying a shield.

Probably depends most on how well I know the common or nature reserve. I live near a common and I wouldn't hesitate to walk through the paths I know well at night (would be most worried about tripping). Similarly have walked through side streets across London late at night and in areas I know well have never worried.

I wouldn't worry about being attacked on a common late at night at all. No one's there. It would be a bizarre place for anyone who wanted to attack another person to hide out. I wouldn't go on one I didn't know well but only for fear I'd get lost. Side streets feel much more dangerous on the attack front, lit or not.

I feel much more safe in dark parks if there are "gangs of youths", just as I would feel safe if I saw groups of any other people. It just feels better knowing other people are around if I need to yell for help. I guess I don't perceive them to be a threat compared to who is actually likely to try to rape me.

It's not so much the dark, but the time - so the likelihood of other people being about.

It's 5pm now. It's dark. Not going out would be severely limiting.
A route I would happily do at 6pm in the dark, I'd be more wary at 9pm, and almost certainly not do at 11pm.

If I needed to yes, just got the sake of it no. Not really from a safety point of view but from the view that there is no point walking somewhere picturesque if you can't see it.

That's happened to me before. Out on the heath, in daytime. My friend and I were dog-walking and there seemed to be no one about, until we gradually realised we were surrounded by guys in camouflage with twigs on their helmets!

I’ve been ‘attacked’ twice walking home in the dark. Once at 5.30pm in November and once at 12am in the summer. Both times were terrifying and I was very lucky to escape unharmed. The ‘be a grown arse adult’ cries are bloody insulting tbh. Lucky you for never being in the position of fearing for your life. I definitely wouldn’t walk through a dark nature reserve at night and quite frankly avoid walking in the dark by myself at all. If I do I’m armed with my wits and a set of keys between my fingers at all times

Just to add I live in a London suburb and both events happened within 200 metres of my house. I had changed routes home out of fear of it happening again after the first time but the second time was 100 times more frightening than the first.

I should also add that tbf I do feel safer walking anywhere with my husband, as unfair as that is. But still, walking though a nature reserve at night would be off limits for me even with him.

With DH? Yes, I would. We actually do that quite often in the summer. We walk in a local nature reserve after dark, hoping to see nightjars.

I haven't yet done it on my own though. So, if DH doesn't feel like it, then we don't go. I would just feel a bit vulnerable out in the dark in the middle of nowhere on my own.

It's simple, walk where you feel comfortable, its not for anyone here, or your husband, parents or friends to say what's best for you. I walk a lot but there is a couple of places I avoid, not because there has been attack there but I just feel uneasy, we go for walks to enjoy the walk so walk were you feel comfortable.

This!

It's not unfair - I don't have a husband, but I'd feel safer walking with a friend or in a group. I don't feel unsafe walking alone, but being with someone else will usually increase your sense of security.

Im not sure my posts had those messages, but I’m advocating for walking off the beaten track whenever you like - I’m not sure why you would assume I’ve never been attacked in public?

I have. And I have not always escaped unharmed.

Ive been attacked in my own home, been attacked on public transport, been attacked when out with my boyfriend (who was also attacked) been attacked on a busy street in the middle of the day, at work, and on a deserted street.

Whwre is left? Where should I go? If I won’t walk outside on my own because of an attack I also can’t be at home, at work, on my own, with someone else, on a busy street, out in the day or out in the night.

Where can I be, with this logic?

Yes agreed. The first time I was attacked I was with a friend, so I suppose my judgement is clouded in that respect. But feeling safety in numbers is a natural false sense of security.

All of those scenarios apply to me too. Maybe you’ve done more work than me to feel safe and I applauded you for that. I’ve had years of trauma counselling, but there are still scenarios where I feel unsafe and one of those is walking in the dark at night. Just my experience.

And it is unfair. We should be able to walk where the fuck we want, when the fuck we want to, but many of us can’t without fear because of past experiences. It’s just the way it is for some people. Men and women.

Did frequently when I had a dog, alone that is, he was pretty protective and being a decent size I felt very safe plus unlike most dogs he was unbribable with food as he wouldn’t eat when on a walk even from me

With my DH? Yes, without a thought. On my own? No. But that’s why I have a couple of big ass dogs. They are soppy boys and they love everyone, but if I was threatened? They would not react well, and are more than enough to deter pretty much anyone. Without DH or the dogs? I stick to well lit, residential areas. It’s not fair, it’s not right, I shouldn’t have to, but I do.

I think being isolated is far riskier personally, so
no I wouldn’t do it.

When we were younger, probably, but I don’t think we would stand a chance now, even though DH is incredibly strong, he’s not as fit as he used to be, and neither am I!

Not on my own. With OH and in my area yes, and do. Probably wouldn’t everywhere.

Dh loves walking in pitch dark countryside. I hate it . I dont like dark country walks, with or without a torch but I was born and grew up in London. I am a true city girl at heart and whilst I quite like the idea of the countryside and looking at it ( from a distance) I find it quite scary most of the time as I get lost ao easily, and I particularly dislike it in the dark.

I don't worry about being attacked, just about not being able too see properly and falling.on muddy or uneven ground and/ or getting lost. Also ghosts and monsters of course 😉

Dh is a country boy at heart and thinks streets with lighting just mean more people and that is more dangerous .

On a completely rational basis DH is of course right but I still won't go with him on walks at night unless we stick to pavements and streets or paths that are lit. I just get too anxious and refuse to do it nowadays. I did try it in the early days of knowing DH ( when still trying to impress/please him). I just did not enjoy it at all and couldn't hide how unpleasant I found the whole thing

Nowadays, DH, bless him just walks on his own when he wants a proper country walk to look at the stars etc but mostly humours me if we go for walks together after dark and sticks to pavements or lit paths.

By the same token, DH hates flying so our holidays are very much affected by this.
We both have our irrational fears and have learnt to accommodate some of them in each other over the years . It is called marriage