Would you walk through a pitch dark park/nature reserve with your dh ?

[Thatsmellsgood]

Firstly, I was always brought up being told not to walk alone in isolated places, if I’m going to walk alone to stick to well lit/ busier streets. Logic was that you’re less likely to be attacked. Some people might disagree but it’s ingrained in me. Even now in my 40s my mum and dad will worry if they know I’ve been for a run along the cycle paths even in the day. My parents are very cautious people.

Dh is totally different, no fear or sense of danger, his parents are the total opposite they literally leave all their doors unlocked and their car unlocked. Used to leave dh and his sister in the holiday apartments while they went out drinking, they just don’t see risk in anything. Only saying this just to show they have no fear of risk.

We grew up in totally different places so that’s probably why.

Anyway on to my point, dh and I walk
a lot together, through the park or the woods. In the winter with the dark nights I’m more comfortable sticking to the residential streets. Dh thinks I’m being silly but goes with it. His logic is that you’re more likely to encounter danger in the street than up an isolated cycle path or in the park because there’ll be no one in the park at night.

I do see his logic, but my logic is that if there was an attacker of some sorts, the park is very isolated.

Dh is half deaf with bad knees so I don’t think he’d be much protection 🤣 we don’t live in a terrible place but we are in an area of fairly high crime not a lovely village

Yabu - it’s fine
Yanbu - it’s a bit dodgy

I live somewhere miles from anywhere with no street lights. I got out at night with the dog and feel perfectly safe. I don't use a torch because that just knocks out your night vision - you can see better without one.

I think that the chances of meeting someone with ill intent would be the same on a well lit street or during the day in town. Not many people are hanging around in the cold and dark just waiting for the chance that one person might come along.

I wouldn’t in a city, but would where I live, out in the countryside.

I'm in similar situation with dh and our parents. If he was expecting me back at noon and I haven't arrived by 9pm, then he'll assume I got delayed. I would be worrying by 2pm at the latest.

It has two issues - one is whereas I will text to say I'll be late back, or arrived somewhere etc then he doesn't see the need. So he'll intend to, but won't be foremost in his mind, so may well forget. If he remembers when he's about to leave he'll think "well, I'll be back soon, so no point."

The other one is with the dc "they'll be fine". That is absolutely no comfort. He always says "they'll be fine" so there's no thought involved about them not being fine. There are times when I've had to go and pick them up for my piece of mind, whereas he'd be saying "it's only a half hour walk at 1am along a fairly deserted road. She's an adult - she's fine" or they're arriving at a rural train station at midnight and I'll want to make sure I'm there before the train gets in, and he'll leave so he'll be getting in 5 minutes afterwards - "they'll be fine. They'll wait for me".... on a station with no one else around.

I have pointed out to him when he would have had a worse outcome than me. One was an oil leak on the car. I smelt oil, it got worse, and started smelling burning. I stopped before I got on the motorway and turned out there was a big leak onto the engine. If I'd continued the car would have been on fire before we got off the motorway. He was saying "just a smell" and "we're not going far". So we were in a supermarket carpark with a car that could be repaired rather than watching out car burn on the side of a motorway.

My oldest is similar to dh, which is frustrating, but dd2 is more me - and so dd2 is much better at sending a "all fine" text. Ds I'll wait and see, as I'm not sure.

I think part of it is being male so things are less threatening. Dh only had brothers too, so he doesn't see the vulnerability in the same way. But also he was brought up in a posh town with lots of transport links and less crime. I was rural in an area with more crime.

I personally feel much safer on my own on rural paths than I do walking through busy cities. I hate cities in general though, I never feel safe in them.

I would with a man or even another woman , or preferably my Rottweiler as nobody would even come close , but alone no I wouldn’t .

Most of the attacks reported seem to be in urban, well lit areas.

I think you need to work out how to shake your parents views off. It's not good to be constantly anxious and overthinking

Did I say any of that? My first statement was a bit blanket yes. In answer to your question, I made it clear I was talking about my own experience. Just as the op talks about hers - well it’s not her experience it’s her fear she talks about. I’m not minimising that fear, just saying that I personally don’t live my life like that and hoping it puts her fears into a different context. I hope that makes it clearer for you.

I'm also in London and much more wary of gangs of youths than any lone attacker tbh.

I used to live near Shadwell woods and I wouldn't even walk the dog there after about 5pm in the winter, but there were other places that I would go. For me it would very much depend on local knowledge and how late at night.

At night I would be cautious alone or with my DH, It wouldn't have bothered me so much when I was young (and fit), we lived along a very dark lane and the bus stop was at the end of the lane so we were always walking it in the dark. I do remember my footsteps echoing into the blackness and wondering if there was anyone else about though, and I didn't hang around. Recently we travelled by train to a town we don't know and arrived late at night, the hotel wasn't far from the station and we walked there, I did feel a little nervous walking the deserted unknown streets.

Yes

I would definitely walk with DH in the dark. How thrilling, to hear owls and other wildlife doing their thing.
alone? It depends. I often walk our dog down our dark lane at night out of necessity. I can’t say I enjoy it. But I do it, and remain super alert.
it distresses me that we women limit ourselves the way we do.

I definitely would, no hesitation. We live in a village. I frequently walk home in the dark from my running club alone but tend to stick to main roads. I also go running in the dark with my friend. If I didn't go out in the dark that would mean staying in from 4.45pm onwards in winter & there's no way I'm going to do that

Yes, probably, if I had a torch. I think the risk of breaking my ankle by not seeing where I'm going is greater than the risk of being attacked. This is also a risk in daylight, hiking in wild country alone - mote worried about an accident, not getting help, getting hypothermia, which is why it's good practice always to let someone know where you're going and when you expect to be back.

I grew up rurally, and Mum was more worried about coming across poachers with guns who might mistake your movement for an animal to shoot, than rapists or murderers. We were once told to stay indoors by the police after a couple of prisoners escaped from a localish high security prison, and they thought they could have been heading across our farm, but that was just once.

I definitely worry more about having an accident with no one to help than being attacked.

Not without light because of tripping hazards

I have lived in several major cities and walked everywhere alone in the dark. Now I live rurally and I’m much more nervous walking in the dark in the woods. But that’s because of the fog/amplified animal noises/absolute solitude/my ridiculous imagination as I I see your point. But I wouldn’t have any fear walking anywhere with my husband.

I’d rather walk through the woods next to my house alone (well, with my little dog) than walk through any town alone after dark. Assailants aren’t really likely to be hanging out in a wood that has about three dog-walkers on a busy day.

I think it also depends where you are. There are places I know thst I'd be much more confident about walking in thr dark than if I were in a new town/rural area ans didn't know the geography at all. Though I have done a night hike in an unknown area, so I can do it. And walked round foreign towns alone at night.

Most people gain a sense of which are safer areas or not in their locality.

OP - you are right to stick to well lit, residential areas. As a woman, we are definitely more at risk. It shouldn't be that way but unfortunately that's the way it is. Your husband has male privilege never having to think about these things. However, if I was with someone else I'd be more inclined to go off the beaten track so to speak.

Yep no chance you’d see me walking around any park in Shadwell in the dark. I used to live near there too.

I think you both need to be more open-minded,
you to new experiences and he to your experiences. Why not explore new paths when you have the added protection of your DH? He is willing to walk in better lit areas as you prefer, perhaps return the favour and occasionally go on the walks he prefers. That said, your DH should not treat your concerns as silly. Women naturally have to be more cognisant of their physical safety and the risks certain environments pose. He should support and encourage you, not make you feel silly.

No I don't walk into dark areas at night time with or without my DH despite him being very fit, fast and brave. I've grown up watching for threats and avoid them as much as I can.

What age was DH and his sister when they were left alone at home? I would not trust the judgment of anyone who thinks that's ok.

Yep. I walk in the local woods every morning at 5.30 with the dog (due to work times that is what he gets or nothing in the morning!)
if you want to hang around there in the rain & dark to try & attack then you’re clearly fairly committed 😂
I just take a bright torch - phone in pocket for emergency light when it runs out- have had a couple of Blair witch recreations…….

I love going night time walks in the dark through woods etc with partner, I would be too scared on my own which is such a shame. Live rurally so few dog walkers about but most of walk you would be alone. I'm looking forward to using a UV active torch at night to see what glows in the dark this winter, definitely head torch and reflective stuff if going on unlit country roads. During full moons it can be bright too!

I haven’t RTFT as I was too annoyed by the first posters being sneery.

But if you don’t want to do it and don’t feel comfortable, don’t! Safety concerns aside, why would your DH want you to do something unnecessarily that he knew you didn’t enjoy?

I mean, I wouldn’t walk in a dark nature reserve at night because I wouldn’t be able to see where I was going, let alone appreciate the beauty of nature, and I don’t want to twist my ankle or get lost in a tangle of paths in the rain. And no I wouldn’t want to have to remember to bring a fucking torch with me anytime I went out to the cinema in case my DH fancied stumbling through mud in the pitch dark on the way home.

I’d walk home on my own on well lit streets and leave DH to his nocturnal rambling.