Would you walk through a pitch dark park/nature reserve with your dh ?

[Thatsmellsgood]

Firstly, I was always brought up being told not to walk alone in isolated places, if I’m going to walk alone to stick to well lit/ busier streets. Logic was that you’re less likely to be attacked. Some people might disagree but it’s ingrained in me. Even now in my 40s my mum and dad will worry if they know I’ve been for a run along the cycle paths even in the day. My parents are very cautious people.

Dh is totally different, no fear or sense of danger, his parents are the total opposite they literally leave all their doors unlocked and their car unlocked. Used to leave dh and his sister in the holiday apartments while they went out drinking, they just don’t see risk in anything. Only saying this just to show they have no fear of risk.

We grew up in totally different places so that’s probably why.

Anyway on to my point, dh and I walk
a lot together, through the park or the woods. In the winter with the dark nights I’m more comfortable sticking to the residential streets. Dh thinks I’m being silly but goes with it. His logic is that you’re more likely to encounter danger in the street than up an isolated cycle path or in the park because there’ll be no one in the park at night.

I do see his logic, but my logic is that if there was an attacker of some sorts, the park is very isolated.

Dh is half deaf with bad knees so I don’t think he’d be much protection 🤣 we don’t live in a terrible place but we are in an area of fairly high crime not a lovely village

Yabu - it’s fine
Yanbu - it’s a bit dodgy

City here for me. Easy to get out into the countryside but I typically run from my front door. I wouldn't go scampering alone down streets by pubs at chucking out time that I know are a bit dodgy, but certainly the woods and park wouldn't be off limits to me. I don't have music on though and pay attention.

I’m amused at the idea of teenagers hanging about in my local nature reserve.

I would. I’d also go with a female friend. Or on my own with my dog. But Mumsnet has taught me I don’t have anywhere near the amount of anxiety as lots of other people.

I also go running on my own in the dark.

Sounds like he’s lived a bit of a sheltered life and you’re more street wise.
People use parks after dark for taking drugs,having sex and all sorts.

Gangs of “youths” are not interested in middle aged women.

Logically, the greatest danger we face comes from other people, so a place with more other people is going to be more dangerous than a place with fewer. However, I think being fearful of a dark, isolated place is also fear that is well-placed. Out there, is there anyone to hear you scream?

it does really depend on where you are. I was bought up in London and had the same drummed into me, but have now lived in SW for last 20yrs and do walk dog in the dark in remote places. However when out with DH a couple of weeks ago the dog found some army recruits hiding in a ditch training 😂she just wanted to lick them & look for food. We then saw their training trucks etc that unnerved me bit DH was comfortable & I would not have taken that path on my own in the evening but I would at 6-7am as less odd folk around then.

Yes I would. Just take a torch.

Yes I would with my DH, he's in his 50s but he's a big tall man and this would likely deter attackers I think. Probably wouldn't do it alone though. I'm quite happy to walk home in the dark through our town but would avoid dark alleys or isolated areas. I'm not really someone who's generally anxious about these things as I think the likelihood of being attacked is fairly slim, but it's common sense to take reasonable precautions.

Personally I love a late night walk in the woods with my dog (DH would be ok too, but the dog is better company!) Walked back home from a fireworks event last weekend across fields and through woods with my DH and BiL. BiL (who lives in manhattan) was horrified and kept asking if it was safe. DH and I had not even given it a second thought - it was just the quickest way to get home. Where I live, you’re most at risk from speeding cars knocking you over if you walk down the busy lanes, whereas for BiL it feels more dangerous to be isolated without other people around. If I lived in an urban area, I would probably be more concerned about being on my own in the dark and would stick to well lit streets and paths. Would definitely be OK with DH there too if it was an area we knew well.

I can't believe some of these replies.

OP: I don't feel safe walking in unlit, isolated places after dark.

MN: You're a "gRoWn AsS" woman, relax.

What, as if women aren't ever the victims of crime?? Yes, most women won't become victims of random assaults by strangers, but it does happen and it's obviously not a sign of immaturity to take precautions to reduce your risk.

And OP, it was obvious that you mentioned your parents to add context. You explained it well enough, so I don't know why some posters tried to use it to imply you needed to grow up.
It's not an illogical fear, it's a natural instinct of self preservation based on your circumstances and experience. Don't let other people invalidate your feelings.
If it's going to make you anxious and stop you from enjoying your walk, then it defeats the purpose.

I think some posters don't understand what it's like for other people. Maybe they're imagining that you're only worried about the type of gruesome rapes and murders that they hear about in the news, not considering the lower level crime that they don't hear about. I mean, it's not even just the crime, it's the stuff that you wouldn't bother going to police about, like intimidation and harassment that can add to it all.

"Gangs of “youths” are not interested in middle aged women."

What do you mean by this @BitOutOfPractice? Interested in what?

In my experience, walking past large groups of young men in a dark park every day, they do not even notice middle aged women, let along want to harass or intimidate them. Just my observation.

I would and do do this on my own, and unlike your parents, I encourage my children to take the rural or more remote paths if they possibly can. Whether they are alone or with friends.

If there was a choice between a busy lit road and a dark nature reserve I definitely tell them the nature reserve is a safer path provided you’ve remembered your torch. Being fair they have several attached to their bags and as keyrings etc in a proper emergency.

No. But then I watch a lot of true crime and seen a lot of couples murdered in those kind of places.

Take deep heat spray with you. With a torch you'll be fine

Major city and happy to walk with DH through the large local park at night. Especially in summer on a bat walk.

It's not much fun walking around anywhere in the dark. I would stick to pavements mainly because I'd be worried that I'd not see a tree root or uneven bit and break an ankle or something.

Interested to know the reasoning behind this?

I am a scaredy cat so no I wouldn't.

Just thinking about the video clip of the Mexican president being assaulted in broad daylight, I'm front of a crowd of people. And the many men on buses/trains who have over the years flashed at, or groped women.

So because you haven't personally experienced anything negative walking past young men @BitOutOfPractice, you feel confident to tell another woman that any large groups of teenagers she comes across on a dark night, aren't interested in her. As a blanket statement.

And you said it with the intention of undermining her worry.

Don't you think that middle aged women are ever victims of mugging? Assault? Verbal abuse, harassment or intimidation? You don't think they could even be targeted just for the amusement of the boys/men? No, they're actually invisible.

I don't have a husband, and I still do it. I even did it when I lived in London. It was the easiest, shortest way home.

Yes. Twice i have witnessed sexual assaults on women in daylight on busy commuter trains and both times I was the only one who did something. Everyone else just pretended it wasn't happening

So there are two main obvious routes to get to my house from town if you looked at a map. One is majority roadway. One is pathway and field.

This is what I teach my kids for the roadway.

Cars. The most likely thing to hurt you by a country mile. Walk facing the traffic, cross safely at bends, wear your body light and reflective clothing. Be very careful at the slip road where the cars overtake the bus. If the bus is stopped there, stop walking until the bus is gone and you can see. Watch the cars ALL the time. If one is driving erratically, too fast, or racing, stand still until they have gone or move up onto the grass. Do not walk too close to the edge of the pavement. In a group of more than two of you, walk no more than two abreast. No pushing or farting about. Do not go into the road to avoid the puddles at the blind dip. Be very careful on the rickety road bridge and NO PUSHING. NO mobile phones in hands whilst walking along the road. It’s illegal for many road users to look at their phones whilst using the roads and frowned upon for the rest!

Use the passing places gaps on the river bridge. Do not lean against the river bridge wall, it is too low to hold you. If you fall in water, float. Concentrate on breathing. It doesn’t matter how far the current takes you as long as you can breathe on the way. Keep your face up. Get rid of your bag and coat as soon as you easily can as they will drag you down. The meanders of the water mean you will reach the bank quite quickly. Grab on to whatever you can and shout for help. Pull yourself out and keep shouting. Always let me know where you are and when you are expected back, sensible adults never ask kids for help or directions, never get into anyone’s car, ill never send anyone to pick you up without telling you first, always trust your gut feeling and if it feels wrong, it is wrong. I will always back you up if you scarper out a situation that feels wrong.

What I teach them for the pathway -

Always take your torch and remember how quickly it can get dark. Wear your solid boots, please! If there are cows in the main field stick to the side path and be very careful of there is a dog walker in the field. Watch out for anklebreakers. Try not to get too muddy. Don’t use the squeeze when your schoolbags are full, use the stile. Always close gates behind you. Do not take a shortcut across the field unless you want to get shouted at by the farmer. Be careful around any newly fallen trees, they are not for climbing on. Don’t touch the mushrooms or the spores.

I wouldn’t, but I am hyper vigilant (thanks c-PTSD) so probably an outlier here.

Neither you or your husband are wrong. I use to apply your husband's logic when I was a teenager and walked alone in some very dark and isolated places many times. As an adult I realise that people with bad intent don't loiter in isolated places waiting for a victim, they can be opportunistic and may follow you if they see you walking into somewhere isolated and unlit. I shudder now at the risks I took as a 13 - 17 year old.

You can't undo decades of programming simply by telling yourself you are being illogical. If your caution was limiting your life in a way that made you unhappy then you might be motivated to work on it. If you are comfortable walking in well lit areas carry on doing that.

Other people's risk threshold is simply different rather than being better or worse. You do not need to force yourself to do something which makes you uncomfortable just because other people think it's no big deal. Confidence has a deterrent effect on would be attackers.