AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

[SoCloseToNothing1981]

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

If you have specific revision techniques in mind, surely you teach him this? And let the history specialist try to teach him history?
Unfortunately it sounds like history is not a good match for your son, and 3 tutors so far have thought the same. How's his working memory and auditory memory? He may struggle to recall facts when being talked at. Is he able to remember specific things? This is something can practise and improve if it's something you feel is an issue.

Hi @SoCloseToNothing1981
my DD got a 9 at GCSE A* at A level and has just graduated with a 2:1 in History from a top uni. I too am a historian with similar grades.
Her tips are that she has always attended all lessons and lectures; done her reading and made copious notes. Then as the exams approach she re reads her notes from lectures or lessons, and condenses the key points on to index cards. She then reads those and then condenses further until all the course key quotes dates are on a small set of cards. I used to test her on these cards (Alevel) and she would know everything . She would also do timed essays at home from past papers as the exam approached.

A tutor cannot teach your son how to revise because every person revises in different ways. Although it sounds as if your son isn't revising at all and that you are both blaming everybody , teachers ,school , tutor for your son's lack of application.
A tutor teaches you the subject, a tutor tries to supplement and complement in school learning. He can't do that because your son doesnt seem to have learnt anything to complement.

Half a tutor session because he got up late?

Thought he had done cold war in school when he hadn't. WHAT WAS HE DOING IN CLASS ALL WEEK? How is that even possible.?

Tutor isn't telling you how to parent your child.
He is telling you that your child hasn't a hope in hell of passing an exam because he is doing shit all work either at school or for the tutor.
Your son is playing you and you are lapping it up. Swift kick up the arse needed which would probably have better results than tutoring.

If you have specific revision techniques in mind, surely you teach him this? And let the history specialist try to teach him history?

In fairness, in order to be able to help him with a mind map for his history topic, OP would need to know the content - but that's kind of the whole problem here. The DS doesn't know enough yet to begin revising it.

Hopefully you have paid attention to the 99% of people saying YABU.

Tutors leaving sets off alarm bells for me; it suggests they know they'll get nowhere with your DS and have got out before it affects their reputation. You commenting about jumping between Elizabethan England and WW1 suggests you don't know about the modular aspects of the exam, so I think you are in much of a position to criticise.

I think the tutor has attitude because you aren't listening and he's trying to get through to you.

Notes must be taken, whatever lessons are like. In history exams you are often asked to make arguments about a POV that are supported by facts; where are his facts going to come from?

I do appreciate that alternative presentation might help, but revision can't really happen if there are no facts to rearrange in the first place.

Honestly, I don't think history is for your ds for all the reasons you yourself have already mentioned and the feedback from the tutor.

Philosophy and ethics are also essay subjects. If his history is this weak with his supposed interest in it, then Philosophy and Ethics are likely to be worse.

Economics has some maths content and there is still also an essay element to it. This might be more suitable if his maths is good - and he is interested in economics, of course.
(As an aside, economics at degree level has a lot more maths content. Some universities take a maths a level instead of or in addition to an Economics a level)

I would also say the warfare part of the GCSE history course is awful and uninteresting - and she hated it too. It needs a different approach to note taking - some kind of table of themes. Cold War is so interesting and is usually taught in year 11 and not year 10 so your DS may just be learning it now.

I have sent the tutor a sample mind-map template my friend uses with her class as I thought it might help him see what I mean. He hasn't replied yet, which again is frustrating.

He's probably busy counting to several thousand and deep breathing to calm himself, whilst also trying to compose a semi-polite reply.

I tutor at postgraduate level and I agree fundamentally with the majority of opinions expressed by the posters here.

The tutor is an expert in his field. You should show him some basic respect as such. Would you argue with a medical expert or surgeon if they expressed an unwelcome opinion? Probably not. In fact its you who comes across as having an "attitude" here. All this background information about losing a laptop charger and your son oversleeping is disrespectful. It makes you sound disorganised and indicates lack of basic preparation for the session. I am not surprised that your son has a chaotic learning style and an inability to master the basics of history.

No doubt you want the best for your son. However you are doing him no favours by ignoring advice about his skill set and attempting to push him into a subject for which he has little ability. The tutor is giving you sound advice. Wake up and smell the coffee!

I'm a tutor
Tbh you sound like a nightmare
My students' parents just leave me to do my job.
You can't revise what you don't know.
No quiz or mind map will help with that

I wonder if tutor no. 2 was taking you seriously about wanting them to concentrate on revision techniques, and was using different periods to show your son how to apply those techniques? If this just confused your son, it demonstrates that the current teacher is right about his lack of underlying knowledge.

Say you have a racehorse that is not winning races.

You can change trainers and jockeys until you are blue in the face, but if the horse doesn't have the determination to win, then he won't succeed. You also have to consider the inescapable fact that he may not be fast enough anyway, and that maybe the trainer was right about doing show jumping instead.

Your son has no aptitude for history. The tutor is trying to introduce you both to this reality, which you have some awareness of in your OP. All very odd.

It sounds like things aren’t going well and you need a new plan.

If I was in your shoes I’d:

• Sit down with my son and talk about why he thinks he’s finds history difficult - teachers methods don’t suit him, subject matter, lacking revision techniques (although it sounds like he can revise ok for other subjects), lack of effort on his part… perhaps having overheard teachers telling him he isn’t good enough etc
• Make a time to talk to his history teacher, explain the difficulties he’s having and ask for their advice on what your son needs to do to do well in history

Depending on what you discover you might like to:

• Sit down with your son and go over possible revision techniques he could use
• Talk to your son about where he is at and what he needs to be able to do if he wants to do A level history. If he’s serious about it he should have known where his charger is and know what he’s learning in class
• Buy some study guides to help if it seems like he may be having trouble getting the info in class, so he can make his own notes from there. Or get the tutor to help here
• Ask your son questions about what he learnt in history that day. Ask to look at his notes. Try to come across as interested and helpful rather than micromanaging and checking up. If my son was really keen I’d try to learn the material along with him

The problem here isn’t the tutor. It’s really bad that he wasn’t prepared for his first session and doesn’t know what he’s covering in class. Learning new revision techniques isn’t going to help him if he doesn’t know what to revise.

My son’s teacher tells them that after school they should revise what the covered in class that day and make notes. They should look at those same notes a week later and then again a month later to help them retain the info. Little and often is the key. Another thing that really helps is before going to bed at night getting everything ready for the next day.

i feel like the focus keeps drifting away from the key issue which is about how DS is revising and whether he's getting real, structured guidance. That's all I care about. It's upsetting to feel like people are questioning my motives rather than the actual problem here.

The problem lies in your refusal to accept that the tutor may well know more than you about what the key issue is, which is your DS's lack of basic knowledge of the history syllabus. It's pointless teaching him how to revise when he doesn't have any notes to revise with, doesn't know what he's doing in class, and apparently isn't interested enough even to do his own background reading and research from the textbook and other resources that are easily available.

I saw the response where you said that you had "sent the tutor an example of a mind map to show him what you mean".
You are asking a professional with specific skills (in this case, subject expertise in History) to tackle GCSE questions systematically, and are now unwilling to accept this expertise; it isn't his remit to teach study skills as such; that could be undertaken by another tutor. If this tutor does this job regularly, they will have a good idea of where the student should be if they are in with a chance of passing,
Your friend who is a teacher has shown you what works for her English classes, so why not follow her advice, now you know how it's done?
If the school have intimated that your DS is on shaky ground, where is his "Right, I'll show them?" spirit; up bright and early, laptop at the ready, ready to prove his point , work with a tutor so that he will do well enough to go on to A-level? Or is he specialising in the mediaeval era by emulating Ethelred the Unready?

"...and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else"

There's no way way that this is real FFS. You're making your son sound like a bloody idiot.

Well that was the bit where I got the giggles...

Brilliant.

"We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor "

😂😂😂😂😂 You are absolutely the problem

Oh OP. No wonder your son is struggling. Even you can't be bothered ensuring he's ready to be taught. Sleeping in, no chargers, being late due to time zones... if you can't be arsed about the basics for learning then it's not surprising your son isn't. Apple and tree springs to mind.

I agree with the others, change subjects not tutors.

Are you sure they didn't simply run for the hills?

Cold War = Carnivore? Cold sore?

Biology tutor needed!

Surely if your son is doing really well in other subjects, then he already knows how to 'revise efficiently'?

But you know it's not just a case of revising efficiently, it's a measure of aptitude too. Different subjects require different skills - You say your son writes creativity, so it's no surprise he's doing better in English than he is in Math.

GCSE (and by extension A-Level) History isn't about remembering dates. There won't be a question asking when the Treaty of Versailles was signed, and there's rarely a question with a right or wrong answer.

History exams at GCSE test your ability to research, understand and explain different perspectives, analyse and interpret sources, apply critical thinking and make reasoned arguments. You can't learn that from mind maps and flash cards.

Respectfully, if your son has significant knowledge gaps at this stage then the tutor is right, he's going to really struggle with GCSEs, and A Level History is a huge step up.

Exactly this. You could not waterboard such information about my son out of me. No way would I be so readily and enthusiastically sharing the fact that my son is a complete eejit to the rest of the world.

I’d be dying with shame and furious with him that he can’t even manage the complete bare minimum of distinguishing between two completely different significant time periods or wars in history, yet blames everyone else for his inadequacies.

Just tell your son to find any school bus and just get on it. For the love of God.