AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

[SoCloseToNothing1981]

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

But what is your DS going to use to make these revision aids if he has no notes? Are you expecting the tutor to spoon-feed your DS an entire GCSE course in a few hours?

He cannot even identify what history period he is studying to his tutor for them to get started.

I don't see this ending well unless you and your DS have a major change in thinking. What is it about history that your DS actually likes? If this is something he is so keen on - why is he so unmotivated that he cannot get up on time or charge his laptop the night before?

This op.

If you want help preparing him for the mocks, then you need another tutor because this one isn't invested.

However, most tutors don't turn down work, so I suspect he really feels your DS is just not up to it.

A baseline assessment is normal.

The mind maps and flashcards are all very well in theory, but they supplement a base knowledge. You actually need to know what topic it is you are doing to begin to make a useful mind map of it. You can't make a mind map before you have looked at the material and then suddenly understand it because you have drawn a mind map. They are simply one way of representing or recalling the revision you have already done. the mind map doesn't somehow GIVE you the understanding.

I think you need to be listening to the tutor's advice op. I find it hard to believe DS is genuinely interested, as, sorry to say this, I actually nearly got the giggles reading your op because he seems really quite detached from the process. Sorry, you asked for brutal and this is. But it's ultimately kinder to face reality now than down the line.

I know you want to do the best for your DS but you are now on your third tutor, have detailed two instances of messing this one around in these posts alone and are coming across that you know best. You may keep asking for help with revision techniques but if the tutor can see such fundamental gaps in your DS’ ability he can’t just ignore them. Sending him an example mind map is probably pretty offensive - you’re basically telling him you know more about his job than he does. I’m not sure you’re going to get the result you want here.

Op you simply dont seem to understand what revision is?

Revision is about going back over content you have already learned

Your son hasnt done the bit of learning the content in the first place, because he does not make notes in class and cant even remember what topics he's covered let alone the content from them.

You can only complete a mind map when you know some stuff to put in it, your son doesn't?

Baselining was to see what he already could do. He has been studying this course for over a year.

He doesn't need to learn how to revise properly. He needs to learn how to structure a historical essay.

It was patronizing to send mind map examples and the tutor will be best to just ignore you. If you want to engage a tutor to support your son, you need to trust them. The fact that you've apparently rejected two already is presumably a sign that you don't trust them. Is this one better than the last two? Because constantly changing is a waste of everyone's time.

Yes, this. Tutor is reasonable, you seem to be in denial.

It was patronizing to send mind map examples and the tutor will be best to just ignore you.

Agree. That would really have annoyed me. If you don't trust his ability, go elsewhere.

😂😂

fair point

Your son sounds like a complete numpty.

Unsurprisingly, “subject knowledge” is a crucial part of knowing about a subject. Does that even need to be said?! “Revision Skills” are the least of your problem. Your son doesn’t appear to actually know or understand a single thing about history and doesn’t seem to be hungry to learn at all. The acquisition of knowledge comes before revision of the knowledge. Thats the world’s most obvious point.

I can’t believe your post is actually real.

Is op the tutor!

Your first priority should be for your DS to have a complete set of notes that covers his history syllabus - without these what will he revise from?

Does he have a school history textbook?

But can’t you see that if people genuinely think this is a wind-up, your approach must be wildly off the mark here?
And surely you must understand that before even considering revising a subject, i.e testing your knowledge of it, you need to have some actual knowledge first? You’ve glossed over that he mixed up the Cold War with unknown, and that he doesn’t write any notes. So what would he be revising?

I sorry but he just doesn’t sound very academically-minded at all, and I’m not sure Economics would be a good move either. What are his genuine strengths? Sometimes we just have to accept we’re not good at something we would like to be.

The thing I found arresting was the child not knowing his current History topic, i.e. not just about it, but what it was. I tutor VCE (Level) English in Victoria and at the interview stage I ask their texts and the order they're being studied, also their last exam result. For context I've never encountered a school where this info wasn't available before the start of the academic year. All of this is so I can do a tutor's job: supplement the learning in school.

In my experience, those who answer "don't know" to very basic questions never ever make it to the end as tutees. And not because they don't need it.
In this case it's worse; he didn't know he didn't know.

How is your son going to revise stuff which he never learnt in the first place?

It sounds like you want a single magic trick - mind maps or whatever - to get your son through.

The truth is there is a magic trick: putting in the work. If your son doesn’t do that, no revision strategy can save him.

Not taking notes, not paying enough attention to know what he’s studying, not working through the questions, turning up late, blaming everyone but himself……these are the problems.

If you knew the revision techniques yourself, OP, would you be able to write the essays? Or do you think you might need to know the material first?

I wouldn't say the tutor is the one with the attitude....

Exactly.

A mind map isn't some "secret code" to unlock a drawer-full of completed essays.

It's a way of marshalling material that has already been covered and understood by the student.

If he can’t cope with history ALevel he won’t cope with Philosophy and Ethics. It’s a subject which needs a lot of reading and analysis and essay writing. A bit like history, really.

Why don't you just show your son how to do a mind map OP? Or flash cards. I'm sure he will have come across those things at school, they won't be completely new to him.

If your son enjoys history but isn't up to the academic challenges of studying it at A level then I think you should remind him that he is always free to read around historic subject for pleasure but at school he needs to choose subjects he can pass. My son wants to study Spanish as one of his A levels but his school might not run it if they don't get the numbers. I have reminded him that he can carry on learning his Spanish using duo lingo and it can be a life long learning project. He doesn't have to do it at A level.

Are you sure that A levels are the right route for your son? Has he looked at other courses run at colleges or trying to get an apprenticeship? - although I believe that they are very competitive.

So if he does well in other subjects, revision is not the problem, is it? If he finds mind maps etc useful then he would already be using them - but not everyone does.

What jumped out at me from your first post was the reference to your son struggling because he isn't good at remembering dates. History, especially at A level, isn't really about being able to remember dates - it's about being able to research, analyse, and draw conclusions from facts. I fear that both of you may have a fundamental misperception of what is involved in both GCSE and A level history.

I agree revision techniques are important but only if you have adequate subject knowledge.

There is simply no point in the tutor teaching your son how to revise if he doesn't know the course content. Your son should know what he was doing in lessons this week and you need to be more frustrated with him, than the tutor

The revision techniques ARE important and will come later op. He has to cover the material first.

It's like you are trying to travel to Ibiza and saying we are telling you to ditch your bikini because we are saying "no, no op, don't put it on at the airport: you need to get on the plane first."

I'm not sure you understand what History actually requires - you seem obsessed with revision techniques, specifically memorising dates. Even if your son is able to recite every specific date relevant to his study (which seems unlikely if he's not only taking notes but confused about what's gone on in lessons) this won't be enough at GCSE or at A Level if he can't put together arguments and analyse sources. These are all things that can be learned, but it takes time and application.

And there's the crux of the problem. You can tell people things but you can't make them learn, and if your son is this profoundly disengaged from the subject now, it's going to need a lot of turning around and an attitude change from him. Not liking his teacher is not a reasonable excuse. You say your son desperately wants to do History but if he's not engaged with the teaching he's getting at school, I can see why the tutor doesn't think he's going to singlehandedly pull off a miracle. Most teachers wouldn't think that was possible, which is why GCSE History isn't taught through a few months of frantic 1-1 flashcard-making.

This is totally unacceptable behaviour re the laptop charger and oversleeping. I pity the tutor.